ADAM WITH DANNI BOATRIGHT AND BUSY PHILLIPS

ADAM WITH DANNI BOATRIGHT AND BUSY PHILLIPS – January 31, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 HOME IMPROVEMENT

Adam mentions that people are fascinated by having the knowledge of anything apart from what they do for a living. People are impressed if someone is an attorney who has a black belt, or if you are a doctor and fire black powder rifles, if you do comedy and you do anything else.

6:04 BEING RECOGNIZED

He also mentions that he is noticed and recognized by people in the supermarket from 40 nautical miles away, but those same people can’t remember from where.

6:06 TATTOOS

Anyone who has a name of someone tattooed on them has condemned that relationship to failure. Adam and Rachel talk about the fact that there’s some overcompensation for something with the tattoo. People are trying to compensate for a love or affection that’s missing in the relationship with the tattoo of a name.

6:10 SPECIAL NEEDS

What ever happened to the children with one leg that was shorter than the other one? Adam thinks we need to stop correcting these birth defects because we need to have these people in society to make the rest of us try harder.

He also says that the greatest asset a special needs child has to anyone’s life is at work. This enables you to leave anytime you want. All you need to do is tell your boss that you got a call from home and that you need to leave. No boss is going to make you stick around and work when you need to rush home and take care of anything when you mention something like “Stephen is having a pretty rough day.” The boss immediately tells you to say no more and leave. The beauty in this is that you don’t even need to be specific about what’s wrong, because everyone else’s problems pale in comparison.

6:19 HOUSING QUESTION

A caller asked Adam a question about removing a wall so he wouldn’t bring down the roof of the house. Adam told him to check and see if the rafters are resting on the wall or if they’re broken up.

6:21 MORE ON SPECIAL NEEDS

Adam has a great theory on starting a new job. Always tell your new boss that you have a special needs child. Your boss will never check on it; most people don’t check on anything you tell them short of saying you’re an astronaut. Then you can leave work early and, sure, you might have to worry a little bit about karma, but as long as you’re not having kids there’s no problem.

6:32 RELATIONSHIPS

Is it better to have a relationship with someone you don’t have a lot in common with? Relationships where both people share a love of something similar – like a love of the sea – end up with one of the partners being dead.

6:35 HOLLYWOOD HAPPENINGS

The Oscar nominations were announced this morning. You can see all of the Oscar nods here: http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/ap/20060131/113872752000.html.

“Brokeback Mountain” was nominated for eight categories.

Adam thinks that he should be commissioned by movie companies to put a curse on movies and say that he’ll never see it, because once that happens the movie is destined for Oscar greatness.

“Walk The Line” was shut out of the best picture nominations, but several of the actors were nominated.

George Clooney picked up three nominations.

Philip Seymour Hoffman was nominated for best actor in “Capote.”

6:53 THE SOCIAL EXPERIMENT

If you have a label in something that says, “If found, please call…,” then you have a cry for help. You have some hope that someone will return it. If you don’t do this, it’s like dropping something into a lake.

We’re sending out our intern to place a wallet – filled with money and with a label inside asking someone to call if found – at an undisclosed location. We’ll see if someone calls in to return the wallet. If this works again, the experiment is running five for five.

7:02 OZZIE

Mark offered up his house generously for Ozzie’s party. Mark tells Adam that he was happy to see a lot of people from the show and Ozzie’s family there. Rachel, unfortunately, didn’t show up.

Ozzie worked hard for his party. He was covered in soot and sweat from working on the barbeque all day because it’s his party. No one works harder than Ozzie there.

Adam talks about some of the uncomfortable parts of parties, like meeting someone’s parents and having to exchange pleasantries. But with Ozzie’s family, since none of them speak English, the formalities are dispensed with and you don’t have to spend time trying to combat the language barrier.

7:10 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

A female ex-postal processing worker killed six employees at a mail processing plant and committed suicide right outside of Santa Barbara this morning.

On Al-Jazeera, Jill Carroll was aired on tape weeping. The US has released a statement saying that we will not give into the demands of the captors.

Alito is on the way to becoming the 110th Justice on the US Supreme Court.

President Bush will be giving his annual State of the Union address this evening.

Al-Zawahri, Bin Laden’s number two man, was in his first video since US failed to kill him in a strike.

7:18 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

5 days until SuperBowl 40.

NBA
Clippers lose to Miami.
Seattle knock off the Sonics.

Mighty Ducks beat the Kings.

Bronco’s coach Shanahan meets with Owens to possibly sign him in a trade.

The Mayor of Detroit gave the key to the city to Jerome Bettis.

7:32 THE WALLET

Big Tad printed up a lot of the “if found” labels for the social experiment. Our intern is out on the street and leaving a wallet filled with cash for someone to find and hopefull call into the studio.

Big Tad was put on duty to print out 10 labels for Adam to put on his stuff. Adam wrote down 5544 for his number, but Big Tad printed up 10 labels with 5546 on them.

7:38 JOHN MADDEN

John Madden is on the phone (Frank Caliendo). He’s all broken up because Brett Favre may be hanging up his football gear.

7:46 MORE WITH JOHN MADDEN

Adam tries to calm John down after Brett Favre’s announcement that he’s not having fun and, if he was given the choice, he’d say he wasn’t coming back next year. John is staying hopeful that Brett won’t quit and will be back next year to play.

7:53 TRAILERS

Adam wishes that when you’re on a movie or television set people would only come and get you when you are absolutely needed. They always run false alarms, constantly checking on you, making sure that you’re ready for the camera.

7:56 SHAVING

In movies set 300 years ago, why don’t they ever cover how men get to be clean-shaven and without a nick on their face? Adam says he uses a three-blade safety razor and he’s cut to ribbons after using it. Yet in movies, a guy can use a bowie knife and they don’t have a scratch on their face.

8:04 DANNI BOATRIGHT CALLS IN

Danni, the winner from “Survivor: Guatemala – The Maya Empire” called into the show. Her IMDB profile is here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1989614/.

She says that the first thing she did when she won was pay her taxes. They took around $350,000 out of the pot. On the show, she got her weight down to 100 pounds and she’s 5’10” tall.

Adam wants to know how women look more beautiful as the show goes on especially when they don’t have their typical overnight bags. He thinks women spend too much time working on how they look and should just be natural. Danni thinks the tan helped a lot. Adam says that her pouty lips didn’t hurt either.

Danni says that she never would have left for “Survivor” during basketball season. Adam mentions that she couldn’t leave during baseball season either, because she’d miss the pivotal games 27 through 86 in a 500 game season.

8:13 SPORTS TRIVIA

Dave and Danni have a trivia competition. She proves that she knows college basketball.

8:16 OZZIE

Ozzie tells Adam that he enjoyed his party. Horizon foods donated all of the food for Ozzie’s party.

Adam asked if Ozzie got the gift Adam gave him. He said yes, it was very good.

8:17 OZZIE’S MOVE REVIEW

This week, Ozzie reviews “Capote” starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. The movie left the reviewer cold.

8:34 BUSY PHILLIPS IN THE STUDIO

Busy Phillips is in the studio today. Her IMDB profile can be found here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005311/.

When Adam and Busy were working on Dawson’s Creek three years ago, Adam met an unassuming and generous woman. She says that she got Adam the job, pitching that Adam and Drew do LoveLine on the campus.

She found that Adam hated acting. He’d walk on, complain about the craft services and hang on his cell phone. Adam says that was because he’d do LoveLine at night and then get to the set early in the morning.

Adam had to catch a plane to North Carolina for the shoot. He had to navigate around the L.A. Marathon in order to get to the airport because he didn’t want to take the early flight to North Carolina. The car didn’t get to the airport on time because no car could get to his home in the Hollywood Hills. So, he had to charter a jet to get him to the set so he could be on the show.

She’s in the studio promoting “Love, Inc.” on Thursday nights on UPN after “Everybody Hates Chris.”

8:50 MORE WITH BUSY PHILLIPS

Adam saw Busy in “White Chicks” on cable the other day. He watched her dance. Busy tells Adam that they had a choreographer come in and kick their butts to get them in shape to dance. Unfortunately, the producers thought she was too good and needed to actually look like a white chick who didn’t know how to dance.

Adam plays a game of hypothetical questions with Busy. Who would you whether be in a cab with?

Born-again gang-banger or bucket-head white guy?

She says born-again gang banger.

Adam tells her she’s wrong. The bucket head would be a safer choice, because the gang-banger has tasted blood again.

Lady who thinks her dog is a person or sober guy with a ponytail who never stops giving out the dates?

She says the woman.

Adam says she’s wrong again because the ponytail guy would give her better conversation.

9:01 THE WALLET FOUND

A man named Dave called in from a payphone and says he found the wallet. David is a student right now at West Los Angeles College. He works at See’s Candy right now and makes very little, and yet he still called in to return the wallet.

The wallet has now been released five different times and the wallet has been returned each time.

9:01 MORE HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS WITH BUSY PHILLIPS

Big Fan of Star Jones or Big Fan of Oprah?

Oprah.

Adam called it as wrong.

Male pastor with a guitar or a female PETA activist?

Guitar.

Adam called it as wrong.

Ponytail through the hat guy or Man sporting a leather fanny pack?

Ponytail.

Adam called it as right.

Open mic poetry guy or denim jacket guy covered in Disney pins?

Open mic guy.

Adam called it as wrong.

9:12 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Alito was confirmed today in a 58 to 42 vote.

9:19 THE SPORTS

Today is media day for SuperBowl 40. The Seahawks and Steelers are sitting on the field and talking to the press about the upcoming game.

9:22 SEATTLE

Marlina from Seattle called into the show to tell Dave that the Seahawks are going to destroy the Steelers in the SuperBowl.

9:31 BRITTANY

Brittany from the sales department is in the studio.

Brittany was asked out by Flava Flav when he was in the studio last week. She gave him her number, and to this date, has not heard from him.

9:46 SEATTLE

Greg in Seattle will be the man on the street to continue the social experiment with the wallet in that area.

9:49 MIKE

Mike wants to intern for Adam Carolla, so Adam is interviewing him for the position with a game of ass-kiss rodeo. Technically he was solid, but he didn’t have a lot of pizzazz. Adam says it was solid for his first time out of the gate.

Adam finds out that Mike also knows how to clean and detail cars, so Adam says he’s in.

ADAM WITH DAVE COULIER, CHUCK LIDDELL, MIKE DITKA, SUSIE ESSMAN, AND JOE ROGAN

ADAM WITH DAVE COOLIER, CHUCK LIDDELL, MIKE DITKA, SUSIE ESSMAN, AND JOE ROGAN – January 30, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 GET IT ON

Adam says that someone needs to bring the phrase “get it on” back. No one uses the phrase anymore.

6:02 SAG AWARDS

The actors who wear glasses who never wear glasses, the “I’m an artist and this is how I dress when I’m not in a role” look, just ticks Adam off. For people who don’t want attention drawn to them, this is the biggest attention getting gimmick there is. If you saw Johnny Depp in a Nascar t-shirt, you’d never think it was the actual celebrity.

6:06 BUY VS. RENTING
If you have questions about buying a house, Adam says don’t wait. Just buy a house. If you find out that you can’t afford it later down the line, sell it. But stop sitting back and watching house prices climb and wonder why you can’t afford a house in ten years.

6:10 HOTELS

Everything should be standard in hotels. Hotels have requirements, like the pneumatic door closer that keeps the door from slamming and waking someone up. Everything should be standard in hotels, including shower controls. That way you’re not spending hours trying to get the water temperature right while your hand goes numb under the cold water.

6:12 WIVES

Adam’s wife likes to make fun of him. He says that he’s right 99.9% of the time, so when he’s wrong about something se revels in it.

6:14 GUYS AND STUFF

Guys don’t do anything around the house anymore, or with cars, or fighting, or anything. But guys have no problem announcing that they don’t do any of that stuff either. When did this happen? When people are asked a ridiculous hypothetical, why don’t they just say the thing that makes them look better instead of announcing to the world that they either don’t know what they’d do or they don’t do something?

6:28 UFC

Adam notes that the ultimate fighting is really taking off. Big Tad says a lot of this comes from the fact that Spike TV has the Ultimate Fighter reality show. Rachel says what’s not to like about watching two men in skimpy outfits fighting in a ring?

6:31 THE SOCIAL EXPERIMENT CONTINUES

Adam stands by the belief that most people are good, and 1% of the people out there are rotten which created a multi-billion dollar industry in security. Adam believes that if you drop a wallet, an Ipod, or anything else that’s clearly labeled, people will call you and return it to you.

Adam is having the show’s intern go out and drop a wallet filled with cash to see if the phone will ring.

6:39 CELL PHONES

If you walk into someone’s office and they’re on a corded phone, you back out of the office. But if you’re on a cell phone, people will speak freely to you and ignore the fact that you’re using a cell phone. People generally act like you’re not on the phone when you’re on a cell phone and continue to have half of a conversation with you.

7:01 CANADA

Adam notes that if you grow up in Canada, you skate.

7:06 THE WALLET

There’s $100 in the wallet that’s being placed out in the street in an undisclosed place in Los Angeles.

A caller, Christine, called into the show to tell Adam that she lost two wallets in one day. She’s in the eighth grade. Adam wants to know what she lost: a twenty-dollar bill and a “Hello Kitty” I.D. card?

7:10 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

Secretary of State Rice has ruled out giving out financial aide to Hamas.

Mt. Vernon Middleschool in Los Angeles was recently renamed Johnny Cochran Middleschool.

Two companies are attempting to legalize brainwave lie detectors. Adam says there are two horrible things in society: thinking a guy did it and he’s free, and thinking a guy didn’t do it and they’re found guilty.

7:18 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

We are 6 days away from SuperBowl 40.

The Padres signed Mike Piazza.

Lakers lose.
Sacramento loses.

UCLA wins.
USC wins.
CAL wins.

Roger Federer wins the Grand Slam.

7:32 JOE ROGAN IN THE STUDIO

Joe does the announcing for the UFC. http://www.ufc.com/ His IMDB profile can be found here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0736579/.

Wesley Snipes wanted to originally fight Jean Claude Van Damme, but no one would want to see the fight. So they were going to have Wesley fight Joe Rogan. Wesley backed out of that potential fight.

Joe was a Tae Kwon Do champion for 4 years back when he was a kid.

Adam says that if any guy needs private time, all you need to do is get a few movies like “Road House,” “Red Dawn,” and “Point Break” on the Tivo and cue those up to play. It will clear the room out instantly.

Joe will be announcing the fight between Liddell and Couture on February 4th.

In Ultimate Fighting, the person with more options for fighting has the better chance for winning.

7:49 CHUCK LIDDELL IN THE STUDIO

Chuck joined Joe and Adam in the studio. His fight is previewed here: http://www.ufc.tv/index.cfm?fa=news.detail&gid=2153

Chuck says he doesn’t get nervous before he steps into the octagon. He loves to fight.

California is going to sanction its first UFC fight at Anaheim Pond in April. The fight card hasn’t been set yet.

Doug Dredge is the only fighter that ever died in an MMA fight, and that was due to a pre-existing condition in a non-sanctioned event in Russia. MMA is actually much safer because you have a lot of options in fighting. Chuck thinks that striking works the best insofar as fighting in the street goes. But it is a contact sport, so if you have a problem with contact sports it probably isn’t for you.

Adam asks if fighters get a taste of the pay-per-view. Chuck tells him yes, depending on a fighter’s contract.

8:02 POINT BREAK AND ROAD HOUSE

Julie Michaels calls into the show to tell Adam that she was in both “Road House” and “Point Break” in the nude. She was the blonde dancer in the bar on the stage in “Road House.”

8:09 THE WALLET CONTINUES

Our intern reports that a woman picked up the wallet, looked inside of it and tossed the wallet back into the street. Adam wonders if people think that something’s up with all of the Punk’d hidden camera shows on the air today.

8:10 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

The baby found floating in a garbage bag was rescued. The mother was arrested, but she says that she gave the baby to some homeless people to take care of because she couldn’t afford to do it.

The City of L.A. has sued the makers of Grand Theft Auto for failing to disclose the sex scenes present in the video game.

The SAG Awards were last night: http://www.sagawards.org/12_awards_accept.htm. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was the winner for outstanding male actor in a leading role.

8:16 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

Seahawks are already in Detroit. The Steelers are on their way there.

Cleveland tops the Suns.

Stanford wins.

8:28 MIKE DITKA CALLS INTO THE STUDIO

Mike Ditka called into the studio. His profile can be found here: http://www.nndb.com/people/122/000024050/.

Mike says when a fan buys a ticket, they have a right to do almost anything they want in their seat. If you get down on the playing field, you deserve to get your butt kicked.

Adam asks Mike who he likes this weekend. Mike says he likes the Eagles.

Actually, Mike thinks that the country is underestimating Seattle, so it will be a good game. He doesn’t think the Steelers are going to have the same easy game that they had in Detroit. He does think that Pittsburgh has the advantage because the defense is great and they’re on a roll.

8:36 DAVE COULIER IN THE STUDIO

Dave Coulier of “Full House” and “Skating With Celebrities” is in the studio. You can find out more about the show here: http://www.fox.com/skating/.

Dave talks about the show and tells Adam that, before the show, he never had worn a pair of figure skates.

Adam says that if he could skate, he’d do two moves: skating backwards around in a circle and spraying ice as he comes to a stop.

8:47 THE WALLET

A man picked up the wallet and our intern lost sight of him. The man who picked up the wallet called into the show to tell Adam that he found the wallet.

8:52 MORE WITH DAVE COULIER

Dave’s package is does a dramatic reading from Star Jones’ book, “Shine.”

9:03 AND MORE WITH DAVE COULIER

Adam tells Dave that his housekeeper found the life-sized sculpture of Ron Jeremy package at his house. He only knows this because she moved it, but she never said anything and hopes she doesn’t write a tell-all book. Either way, she has no context for finding it, so all she knows is that Adam collects huge phalluses.

Dave tells Adam that tonight he wears the most outrageous outfit of the whole show.

In 1992, Dave was dating Alanis Morissette. At the time, he was a single dad and his son was around 2 years old. They went out for a little over a year.

Dave reads from the Star Jones’ book as Bullwinkle.

9:28 SUSIE ESSMAN IN THE STUDIO

Susie Essman from “Curb Your Enthusiasm” stopped in to say hello to Adam. You can see more about here: http://www.hbo.com/larrydavid/cast/. Her IMDB profile can be found here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0261435/.

Susie was at the SAG awards last night. She says that everyone there was filled with their own self-importance. People say “I’m an actor” like they just found the cure for cancer. Kids are the greatest actors because they lie.

Adam would love to hear someone say something about how nothing could prepare you for the greatest role of your life. But then, instead of mentioning being a parent, say something about being a sorcerer and learning to levitate.

Adam says that “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is arguably the best show on television. Of course, it’s easy to take chances when you’re an actor because if it doesn’t work they’ll stop the cameras and do it over again. It’s not like doing stunts on a motorcycle where there is no do-over.

9:45 MORE WITH SUSIE ESSMAN

Since “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is on HBO, they don’t bang out 26 episodes a year. It gives them time to keep the quality in the show, unlike with normal network fare.

Susie agrees to play some ass-kiss rodeo with Adam. She got thrown from the horse as Adam says he loves ‘Connect Four’ and she asks what that is.

Adam lets Susie go another round. She’s thrown again when telling him that he has a skinny butt. Adam says that skinny is a stone’s throw away from boney, and that’s no compliment.

ADAM WITH SETH MACFARLANE AND ANDY DICK

ADAM WITH SETH MACFARLANE AND ANDY DICK – January 27, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 SUCCESS

Adam says that when someone comes around with a cotton swab and dabs your forehead, you know you’ve arrived at the door to success. Either that or a quadriplegic.

6:02 THE CAPE

Adam wants to add this to his list of things to do before he dies: wearing a cape and looking cool. He doesn’t mean a superhero cape. He means a long, black cape with the red lining. Maybe all of this with a top hat and gloves.

In theory, wearing all of these accessories would prevent a lot of fights. While you’re removing these items in preparation for a duel, cooler heads would prevail and someone would buy a libation.

6:06 SETH MACFARLANE/ANDY DICK COMING IN TODAY

Seth MacFarlane will be in the studio today. His profile is on the IMDB at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0532235/. Andy Dick will also be in today. His profile on the IMDB is http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004873/.

6:10 RENTALS

When did city officials decide to force building owners to rent property for less than half of what it’s worth?

Adam got into one of these places once, and one night he hears screaming. He goes outside and finds this hot chick pointing and saying, “He took everything!” So Adam takes off after the alleged thief. He catches up to the thief and the guy drops the purse, so there was no confrontation. The thief just keeps running.

The hot chick, she catches up and looks at Adam and says, “Where’s my wallet!” Adam says this is a typical hot chick move. No thanks, no appreciation. Just, “Where’s my wallet! I just went to the ATM!”

Other people from the neighborhood start to trickle out of their homes because it’s late and she finds the wallet in a storm drain and screams, “I found it!” The cops show up and ask what happened. One of the neighbors says something like, “We heard a commotion and chased this guy down and got the purse back.” Needless to say, Adam walks away.

Dave notes that chivalry didn’t die of natural causes. This lady shoved a number two pencil right in its back.

Adam is sure this had something to do with her hotness.

6:30 CRAZY PEOPLE AND GAY MEN

Crazy people, in Adam’s opinion, aren’t as crazy as they pretend to be. He says it just keeps people from reporting anything that’s slightly off color to the tabloids.

On another note, why is it that a gay man can walk up to most any woman and play with their breasts, but if an openly straight man did the same thing there would be a lawsuit?

Adam says that if you’re gay, do the math: you don’t like women. It’s like a vegetarian who wants to spend time around a strip steak and says that they like the smell and feel of meat.

Also, gay men all say that they work out but they don’t enjoy looking at the nude men at the gym. But if that’s true, Adam wonders why you would have a closet full of VHS tapes of naked men.

6:40 SOCIAL EXPERIMENT

Today, Adam is continuing his social experiment by leaving a wallet out with money and a phone number in it. Yesterday, on two separate occasions, people called into the show after finding the number to call labeled inside of the wallet that said “If found, please call this number.”

Adam says that more than 9 out of 10 people will do the right thing, but we make it a point in society to focus on the less than 5% of people that won’t do the right thing so we can sell alarms and freak people out. It’s a major cause of depression.

6:52 FAKE BREASTS

Adam asks if there’s anything creepier than a total stranger trying to talk a woman into getting fake breasts.

7:04 SOCIAL EXPERIMENT UNDERWAY

Our show’s intern is on his way to drop the wallet of at an undisclosed location.

7:10 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

John Kerry is lobbying to filibuster the Alito nomination.

Joaquin Phoenix was in an automobile accident this morning. He flipped the car but was able to walk away.

Oprah had James Frey on her show yesterday to apologize about the lies in his memoirs of drug addiction.

Elmo released a book called “Potty Time With Elmo.”

7:16 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

NBA
Phoenix wins.
Mavericks win.

Pac 10 winners:
Stanford
USC
UCLA

In Florida, police arrest a former heavyweight champion. They had to use a stun gun to drop him after he tried to escape the scene. The champion: Oliver McCall

9 days until SuperBowl 40.

John Daly shot a 69 at the Buick Open the day after his wife was sent to jail for running a gambling ring.

7:23 DOGS

A caller called in to tell Adam that a woman spent $4000 on their poodle, lost the dog, called the owner, blocked their number and told her that they were keeping the dog because she was such a sweetie.

7:33 THE WALLET

The wallet was dropped inside of a restaurant. A woman picked it up and has not called yet, but our intern is keeping a close eye on her.

7:36 WHICH WEIGHS MORE?

Big Tad weighs 321 lbs.

Big Tad or a 4×6 Aluminum Bus Stop Shelter?
A: Bus shelter. 750 lbs.

Big Tad or Venus and Cerena Williams combined weights?
A: The Williams sisters.

7:47 A HARDWARE QUESTION

A caller asks Adam what’s the best way to hang a framed picture on a plaster wall? Adam says you find a stud, and they’re spread out 16” on center. So you have 14” in the bay. Tap your finger on the wall to locate the stud – the sound gets higher when you find a stud. Drill a small pilot hole. If you hit a stud, you’ll feel the bit dig into it. Use a wood screw for the frame.

7:47 MORE WHICH WEIGHS MORE

Big Tad or a Porta-Potty?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or 436 Cans of Atkins Diet Shake?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a fully-grown male Sumatran Orangutan?
A: Big Tad.

8:02 AND MORE WHICH WEIGHS MORE

Big Tad or 2 NASA Space Suits with Life Support System?
A: Space Suits.

Big Tad or a 2006 Yamaha Golf Cart?
A: Golf Cart.

Big Tad or a 7’ Concrete Park Bench?
A: Park Bench.

Big Tad or 2 Goodyear UniSteel Truck Tires?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or the Times Square New Years Eve Ball?
A: The Times Square New Years Eve Ball.

The final score:
Adam 6
Dave 4
Rachel 4

8:08 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

January 29th officially ends the Year of the Cock. The Year of the Dog begins. Adult diaper sales go up 50% in China during the celebration.

66% of American dog owners say they would work longer and 32% say they would take a pay cut if they could have their dog in the office with them.

Hamas, a terrorist organization, snatched leadership in the Middle East in a landside victory.

8:13 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

SuperBowl Point Spread:
Pittsburgh is at –4. Seattle is at +4.

NHL
Coyotes win.
Kings lose.

8:18 WALLET UPDATE

The woman in the restaurant who found the wallet is an employee of the restaurant, but there has been not call reporting the lost wallet.

8:22 CHINA UPDATE

A caller called into the show to mention that the reason why diaper sales go up in China was because they sell twice as many tickets during their holiday season. Because of that, people literally stand in the bathrooms.

8:32 ANDY DICK IN THE STUDIO

Andy Dick is in the studio. His profile on the IMDB can be found at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004873/.

Andy tells Adam that he likes the slogans on Adam’s billboards. He wrote some liners for Adam to use, like, “I like the smell of wiseass in the morning” and “I think, therefore I FM.”

Adam tells Andy that everyone’s interested in solving the Andy Dick sexual riddle. He says that, for a white gay guy, Andy has a lot of kids. Andy tells Adam that he’s not white and he’s not gay – there is a gray area that every person has.

Andy has 3 kids. The oldest is turning 18. The youngest ones are 8 and 11. He also takes credit for getting Kobe to score his record-setting 81 points during the Lakers game by cheering him on through the game.

8:48 MORE WITH ANDY DICK

“Less Than Perfect” is back on the air on ABC as of March. And his website, http://www.andydick.com/, has the trailer for “Danny Roane: First Time Director,” up and streaming. Be sure to check it out.

8:52 CELEBRITY ASS-KISS RODEO

Andy plays ass-kiss rodeo with Adam. He was doing fine, but the buzzer went off and he was thrown from the horse.

He asks to try it again.

Adam says go.

And Andy is thrown again from the horse.

9:03 MORE WITH ANDY DICK

Ozzie is waiting in the wings to say hello to Andy. He says that he watches him on the television and that he’s very funny. Adam sets up Ozzie to play some ass-kiss rodeo with Andy, but he’s thrown off of the horse by a technicality the first time.

Adam explains the game to Ozzie and gives him another chance to play with Andy. But to be fare to Ozzie, Adam explains that because of his homeland and the language barrier, he’s not a champ at the game.

They found a house for Ozzie to throw his 47th birthday party at. Everything has been worked out and events are set in motion for Ozzie to barbeque.

Andy tells Adam that he doesn’t hang out with Ben Stiller. He doesn’t think that the Stillers really hang out with anyone other than their own family.

9:18 MIKE LYNCH AND ANDY DICK PLAY ASS-KISS RODEO

Mike plays a brilliant game of ass-kiss rodeo with Andy. Dave says that there’s no question as to why he’s the reigning champion.

9:28 SETH MACFARLANE IN THE STUDIO

Seth of “Family Guy” and “American Dad” fame is in the studio. Alex Borstein’s profile is on the IMDB at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0097504/. She overslept and will be calling into the show. Also, you can see Seth MacFarlane’s profile is on the IMDB at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0532235/.

Adam asks Seth why he’s not doing more V.O. work as death. When it comes to the business, there are certain things that get you recognized and other things that give you street cred. He got more ‘nice and kind’ notices from playing Death on “The Family Guy” than anything else he’s ever done.

Seth started working in the business at Hannah Barbara.

9:44 THE WALLET CONTINUES

Adam asks our intern to hand the phone to the employee at the restaurant.

Adam believes that the woman would have called at the end of her day or the end of her shift. Jim believes that she would’ve taken out the money at the end of the day.

9:50 MORE WITH SETH MACFARLANE

Seth reads a passage from the Star Jones book as Stewie Griffin from “The Family Guy.” He reads a second passage as Peter Griffin. He reads a third passage as Quagmire.

ADAM WITH SETH MEYERS, JOHN CHO, DOUG BENSON AND RICHARD MARTIN

ADAM WITH SETH MEYERS, JOHN CHO, DOUG BENSON AND RICHARD MARTIN – January 26, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 GAPS

A big gap between your front teeth doesn’t say “this guy’s stupid” like messed up teeth do. Adam wonders why some things are deal breakers when it comes to men dealing with women and others aren’t.

6:05 SUNGLASSES

At some point in your life, you put on a pair of sunglasses and then it becomes part of your persona. No children wear sunglasses, but once you become an adult, you can’t live without them. It’s the same thing with ChapStick: until you actually use it, you don’t need it. But the people who never use ChapStick or sunglasses don’t need it.

Most adult males will wear sunglasses, and Adam thinks it has to do with your state of mind.

Adam wonders how his sunglasses get so dirty too. You wear them and don’t put them in your hair or anything, and it’s like someone coated them with bacon fat.

6:14 LOST AND FOUND

Adam thinks that reporters should be able to comment on the news, but they can’t no matter how ridiculous the story is. Last night in Van Nuys, a man lost a large sum of cash and another man found it and returned the purse, but in order for them to tell their stories on the news they both had to speak through interpreters. $7,000 was returned to the man, which makes Adam wonder what kinds of thieves are roaming the city.

In 1972, Adam found $50 in a mall and his mother made him turn it in. Two weeks later, a heavy-set black woman claimed it. She gave Adam a $10 reward, which he had to split with his sister, and he felt good about it.

Adam believes that 9 out of 10 people in society would return items that are lost if you clearly label them. If everyone you know would return an item to you, why wouldn’t other people?

6:35 SOCIAL EXPERIMENT

Adam is doing a social experiment. They’re taking a wallet with someone in it to see if someone will call in and return it. The news may portray people as all being evil, and those people might make up less than 1%, but Adam thinks people are generally good. That 1% causes us to create more laws than we really need.

All the ills created in society are caused by people breeding like there’s no tomorrow. People need to stop having children. And you do that by taking away incentives for having children. Stop giving them checks for every kid they have.

6:53 CHRISTIAN

Christian called into the show. He’s 13 years old and wants to be a stand-up comic. He called in today with original material about P.E. teachers.

Adam tells Christian that you learn early that you learn to avoid people who are in charge of you. It starts with school councilors and bleeds into the work force.

7:05 SETH MEYERS AND JOHN CHO IN THE STUDIO

You can find their IMDB profiles here:

John Cho
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0158626/

Seth Meyers
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1024878/

John was in “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle.” Seth is on Saturday Night Live and portrayed John Kerry during the last elections. They’re currently in the movie “See This Movie” about filmmakers entering a film festival without a film that exists.

Adam says that people wax nostalgic about how great the old SNL was. In reality, Adam says that if you watch the old episodes you’ll see that the batting average with good and bad sketches was about the same.

Adam talks about cultures that aren’t hotbeds of comedic talent, like the Middle East. You don’t hear about a lot of comics coming from Wyoming, but Seth is from the same area that Adam Sandler is from. People from Los Angeles, for instance, don’t know any card games because it doesn’t snow. The weather and conditions have an effect on how people are.

7:28 MORE WITH JOHN AND SETH

The wallet social experiment is under way. $100 and a bunch of receipts are in a wallet that’s clearly labeled with the studio number. Will someone call? Adam thinks that someone will call to return it. Jim Brusca doesn’t think someone will call and that the wallet is lost forever.

Seth thinks it’d be different if the money were put into a brown paper bag.

Jim wonders if a mob of people are going to go looking for the wallet that are listening to the show.

7:34 STAR JONES

Seth is going to read a passage from “Shine,” Star Jones’ book as John Kerry.

After reading the passage, Dave asks Seth about the parties after SNL tapes and if they’re decadent. Seth tells him no, but they do drink a lot and, in retrospect, say it was decadent.

7:38 A MAN FOUND THE WALLET

A man calls in named Yorgan called into the show and found the wallet. He called into the show and says he never listened to Adam on the radio before. He called in because there’s a number in the wallet to call. He said he never thought about keeping the money, because he would appreciate it if someone would return his wallet if he lost it.

7:50 EUROPEANS

Dave mentioned that, with Yorgan finding the wallet, all we proved was the fact that Europeans are decent. He doesn’t think it really proved anything about honesty among native-born Americans.

7:52 ASS-KISS RODEO

Angie is going to play ass-kiss rodeo. She gets thrown from the horse, not because her ass-kissing wasn’t good, but because it was too short and abrupt.

Dave says that her job was down right lousy.

8:05 DAVE’S SONG

A caller, Dawn, wanted to let Dave know that his song intro for the sports report is fantastic. Dave and Adam tell her that the voice in the song is none other than Jimmy Kimmel’s.

8:07 JOHN MADDEN

John Madden (voiced by Frank Castillo) called into the show from the Madden Cruiser to report in from the road. Al Pacino and the President were evidently on the bus too, and took a moment to say hello to Adam.

8:16 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

The Palestinian Prime Minister resigns after learning that Hamas will win with preliminary results in.

Chris Penn’s death is being investigated for a cause.

Richard Hatch was found guilty of tax evasion and taken straight to jail.

On “The View” the other day, an infidelity test was demonstrated. Star Jones says she can handle anything but discovering vaginal fluid.

8:28 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

Ron Artest is going to Sacramento. The deal went through last night.

Yesterday’s winners:
Dallas
Denver
Seattle
Clippers
Arizona

Back to the Ron Artest story, Larry Byrd is trying to sell the player to the Pacers fans now.

Isiah Thomas had a woman lodge complaints against his allegedly demeaning behavior. He says that he didn’t do anything.

8:36 CHEATING

If a man cheats on a woman, women prefer that you cheat with a woman and not a man. Men, on the other hand, would rather that their woman cheat on them with another woman.

Rachel was asked a hypothetical question: if it would happen, would she prefer her man cheat on her with Dave or with Adam? For her, she says it’s a lose-lose situation.

Nick called in and said that he and Carolla would be a good fight. Dave could never conquer him. He says that if he had to do it, he’d pick Adam because – at the very least – he could sell the story to the Inquirer for $84.

8:43 THE WALLET

The wallet has been placed in a new undisclosed location with $80 inside of it.

8:51 COMEDIAN DOUG BENSON

Doug Benson is in the studio. You can read more about him here: http://www.marijuanalogues.com/bios/.

He’s going to be at The Improv this Friday and Saturday. Doug was recently named by High Times as the number two marijuana comic.

The use of the word gay has changed over time. Gay used to mean happy. Now, Adam says, it means what he and Dave are going to do to Rachel’s boyfriend. Adam thinks we need to do that with words that aren’t used too often, like “jolly.”

9:06 THE WALLET

A man called in to report that he found a wallet with $80 inside of it. Adam tells him that he believes there are more good people than evil people, and this is proof that if you identify something people will return it to you.

9:10 MORE WITH DOUG BENSON

Adam asks Doug if The Vagina Monologues were the inspiration for The Marajuana-logues. Doug tells him yes, but it’s difficult to get celebrities to put their name on the show.

Richard Martin (R-Ohio) stopped into the studio to debate the ills of marijuana with Doug. He says it’s a gateway drug that leads to homosexuality that leads to a lack of respect for society and not wearing a tie. He says that if you have any questions, you should take a look at his video blog at http://askarepublican.com.

9:31 POT

Adam tells a caller that he’s not a pot expert, but if you want to get information on marijuana you should go on the Internet and look it up.

9:32 RED TURN ARROW

Andy, a caller, got out of a red turn arrow ticker by telling the cop that Adam Carolla told him to do it. The cop let him off with a warning and told him not to do it again.

9:33 OZZIE’S PARTY

Ozzie walked into the studio and is handing out fliers for people to go to his party in Encino. The flier says “Ozzie’s Patty.”

9:35 DAVE’S BEST-OF LIST

This is for the 2005 alphabet letter of the year.

The nominees are:
D
I
G
Q

And the winner:
Q

9:45 MICHAEL STRAHAN CALLS IN

Michael is a defensive end for the New York Giants. This year he will play in his seventh pro-bowl.

He says that he’s amazed that there are men out on the field with only shoulder pads and a helmet. Otherwise, they wear no protection.

Michael tells Adam that he was born in Houston but he was raised in Germany. He speaks a little bit of German – just enough to get by. He also tells Adam that he didn’t play a lot of high school when he was in school until his final years. After he played, he ended up getting a scholarship and then went to New York, so he just fell into playing.

He thinks Pittsburgh is the team to beat this year and they will win the SuperBowl.

ADAM AND FLAVA FLAV

ADAM AND FLAVA FLAV – January 25, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 OZZIE

Adam’s wife asked him yesterday if they managed to find Ozzie a house for his party. Unfortunately, the person who offered up the home dropped out.

6:02 COMING ACROSS

When a guy comes a cross in a certain way and you find out that they have a very dark side, Adam thinks that’s a very cool thing. Tom Cavanaugh is going to be on the show today, and Adam mentions that it might be interesting if it turned out that he had a very dark side instead of being a genuinely nice guy.

6:05 BIG TAD

Big Tad told Dave that he’s feeling light-headed because he’s starving himself so he can make weight and lose 10 pounds inside of one week.

6:07 THE PENNS

Adam mentions that Chris Penn died and there was no evidence of foul play; he was found dead at a Santa Monica condo. In Adam’s opinion, no one can topple the Penn family when referring to political activism, acting, and singing. They’re a very talented family when compared to the Baldwins or the Arquettes.

6:09 THE STEELERS

A caller told Adam that every time Dave speaks about the Steelers he’s actually slighting Adam, rubbing the fact that the Rams, Adam’s team, didn’t make it into the SuperBowl. Dave says that the Rams left 8 to 10 years ago. The raiders used Los Angeles and then moved back to Oakland. Rooting for these teams is like continuing a relationship with an ex-wife after she dumped you.

Adam says that the problem is that the people in Los Angeles are from everywhere around the country, so there’s no unifying team for the area. And the Rams, as far as he’s concerned, may have left the town but he didn’t leave the town.

6:16 COMMERCIAL

A caller told Adam that he caught Adam’s radio show promotional commercial on cable late last night, and thought it was excellent.

Dave is upset that he wasn’t included in the commercial, but Adam argued vehemently for Dave’s inclusion.

6:28 PHONE CALLS

Alex called into the show. In the state of Arizona, they’re testing speeding cameras for the highways.

Adam says that everyone freaked out about the NSA, but at least there was a greater purpose. These cameras are just to ring the public for money under the guise of safety. From the 1960s until now, speed limits have remained unchanged although the technology for safety in cars and tires and breaking has significantly advanced. None of this is factored into the equation.

Rachel wonders why everyone is worried about these wiretaps, yet everyone wants to get on a reality show.

Rene called into the show. She’s 12-years-old and found out that a boy has a crush on her. She’s waiting for him to ask her out. She wants to know what she should do. Rachel tells her to go on living her life and don’t worry about it. Adam asks her what she wants to be when she grows up. She thinks she might want to be a singer.

Adam says that when you’re a kid you think that there are as many openings in every gig as there are people. What kids don’t realize is that there are only a few openings in certain gigs and you may have to work extra hard. Some things just aren’t going to happen. That phrase, “You can be whatever you want when you grow up,” is a lie. Adam is going to start a group called DreamCrushers and assess your talent for doing something and then crush your dreams.

6:46 STOLEN GOODS

In Los Angeles, when you get things stolen, the cops will show up and tell you that you probably won’t see any of the good ever again.

6:47 WHICH WEIGHS MORE

Big Tad or a forty-four month old calf?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a classic skeetball machine?
A: Skeetball Machine.

Big Tad or an engine from a 1959 Corvette engine?
A: The engine.

Big Tad or 2 GE Nautilus Dishwashers?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or Yao Ming?
A: Big Tad.

7:02 MORE WHAT WEIGHS MORE?

Big Tad or a newborn hippo?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a tool chest?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a Jarred from Subway before the weight loss?
A: Jarred.

Big Tad or a 7’ green felt pool table?
A: Pool Table.

Big Tad or 300 copies of Star Jones’s book, “Shine,” with shipping materials from Amazon?
A: The books.

The final score:
Adam – 8
Rachel – 8
Dave – 6

7:14 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

The Senate is set to okay Alito’s recommendation for the Supreme Court along party lines.

Chris Penn was found dead.

7:15 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

Phoenix lost.
Sacramento lost.
Indiana lost.
Sharks win.

SuperBowl 40 only 11 days away. Steelers will buck tradition and wear white instead of black because they’re on a roll.

Indiana Pacers player Ron Artest decides not to show up if he is traded to Sacramento, causing problems for the Pacers.

7:20 THE WHAT WEIGHS MORE BONUS QUESTION

Big Tad or a 2006 Suzuki RMZ450 MotorCross Bike?
A: Big Tad.

The absolute final score:
Rachel – 9
Adam – 8
Dave – 6

7:30 OZZIE’S PARTY

Ozzie is getting worried that he won’t have a place to throw his party this year because Adam doesn’t want to do it at his own home this year.

7:33 MARK’S POEM

Mark called into the show with another poem.

7:34 BACK TO OZZIE’S PARTY

Ozzie is wearing a T-shirt that declares he is a member of the Wildlife Conservation Society. Adam says a lot of people wear T-shirts that are incongruous to the actual person.

A place in Encino was offered up for Ozzie to use this Saturday.

7:46 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

The beginning of Girl Scout Cookie season began yesterday. It makes Adam angry when people bring in order forms for Girl Scout Cookies and he doesn’t order and someone gives him the stink eye. The whole idea is for the girls to learn a business lesson, not have parents guilt out their employees into buying cookies.

Thin Mints comprise 25% of the cookies sold.
Samoas are at 19%.
Tag-Alongs are at 13%.
Shortbread are at 9%.

8:03 MORE ON GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

Adam asks why would anyone take the shortbread cookies? Is it low self-esteem? Is it because you’re worried about their weight? Or is it just that you think you’re better than Adam by taking the shortbread cookies instead of his favorite cookies, the Tag-Alongs?

Dave has a best-of list for Girl Scout Cookies.

The nominees:
Samoas
Tag-Alongs
Thin Mints
Shortbread
Do-Si-Dos

And the winner for 2005 Girl Scout Cookie of the year:

Thin Mints.

8:11 FLAVA FLAV IN THE STUDIO

Flava Flav’s IMDB profile can be found here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0281318/.

All of the Girl Scout Cookies are his favorite. And he thinks you can forget the cookies and just give him the girls.

Adam thinks there shouldn’t be a uniform until the girls hit 18 years of age, and then the good uniforms go on eligible women. The current scheme of uniforms sends a very mixed message to society.

Over the last two years, Flava has been everywhere. Adam asks if this was a conscious effort. Flava tells Adam that he thanks God for everything he has as well as his fans. If it weren’t for those two things, he wouldn’t have anything.

Flava says he didn’t know who Brigitte Nielson was when he met her on television. All he knew was that she used to be married to Sylvester Stallone.

As an aside, Adam says that “Cobra” is one of the greatest movies of our time. Any movie where they explain the name of a character is great.

Flava is currently on “Flavor of Love,” a reality television series, on VH1 on Sunday Nights at ten o’clock. Flava was trained as a classical pianist.

8:28 FLAVA FLAV WATCHES BIG TAD WEIGH IN

Big Tad is getting weighed in. Last week he was at 332 pounds. Adam brought in a few Perfect Ten girls and is offering him a Vegas trip with them if he loses the weight.

For the weigh-in, Big Tad tips the scale at 312 pounds.

Adam claims a foul and wants the scale recalibrated.

After recalibration, Big Tad weighs in at 322. He lost ten pounds in one week.

If he can lose 12.5 pounds by this time next week, he can have the trip to Vegas with the Perfect Ten girls. If he doesn’t do it, Adam is going to fire a paintball gun at Big Tad’s gut.

8:50 OZZIE’S PARTY DILEMMA

Ozzie’s house donor is unreachable at the number he left, so Ozzie is heartbroken. Adam says he knows that he’s going to end up hosting the party.

8:51 MORE WITH FLAVA FLAV

Adam asks Flava is he ever got on the plane with a ton of strippers after they go home from a Vegas weekend. Flava says he’s done it on his private plane, but never on a commercial plane. Adam tells Flava that he ended up on one of those stripper flights, but he ended up sitting next to a guy in sweats.

Flava tells Adam that he weighs 130 pounds.

Flava tells Adam that Brigitte Nielson is 41 years old, and she can be sane when she wants to be. Rachel asks Flava how old he is. He tells her that he’s 46, and Rachel is amazed that he looks as good as he does.

9:04 FLAVA FLAV AND BRIGITTE

Adam asks where his affair with Brigitte went wrong. Flava says no one dumped anyone, but she had a fiancé already. He doesn’t know how the fiancé felt about it, but says he could tell it was killing him.

Adam says that the beauty of women is that once they find out a beautiful woman has slept with you, other beautiful women want to sleep with you.

9:07 BRITTANY

Brittany is in the studio. She says that although he is a major celebrity, she doesn’t know him well enough to actually say if she likes him or not. Plus, he’s a little short for her.

Flava thinks that Brittany is slammin’. He doesn’t care how tall she is.

Brittany tells Flava that she’s a very big fan of Flava.

Brittany says she’ll go out with Flava.

9:10 MIKE TYSON

Mike Tyson calls into the show from his training camp in Arizona to say hello, congratulate Flava on his success and ask when he’s going to be on the show.

9:26 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Jodie Sweetin of “Full House” is rumored to be hooked on crystal meth.

American Idol was on last night.

9:33 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

Barry Bonds has decided not to play in the World Baseball Classic.

9:46 OZZIE GOT A HOUSE FOR HIS PARTY

Adam asked Ozzie if he needs to borrow his barbeque. Ozzie said he might, he isn’t sure. Adam tells him that if he does, Adam will need to ask Jimmy Kimmel if it’s okay because Adam borrowed the barbeque from Jimmy.

9:51 TOM CAVANAUGH CALLS IN

Tom Cavanaugh called into the studio. His IMDB profile can be found here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0146915/.

Adam announced that Tom must be the world’s nicest guy.

Tom tells Adam that Jason Priestly flat lined after an automobile accident while racing, but he’s back in the driver’s seat. Jason will evidently tell you that he’s terrified of dying.

He’s in “Love Monkey” on Tuesday nights on CBS.

ADAM AND DAVE FOLEY

ADAM AND DAVE FOLEY – January 24, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 POKER

Adam mentions that once you get over 50 years of age, you wear a hat like someone dropped it on you.

Watching celebrities play poker is almost like watching someone else eat. It makes you want to play and teases you, but you can’t because you’re alone. Adam fears that one of the upcoming spectacles will be watching Ben Affleck put together a piece of Ikea furniture.

In poker, the people who participate are generally people who play every day for 15 to 16 hours in a dark room. Why would you want to play seriously to make it to the top one hundred and get eliminated later?

6:09 JILLIAN BARBARIE

Jillian called into the show. Adam watched her last night on “Skating With Celebrities” and told her how professional she looks doing all the moves, staying in synch, and doing the spins.

Adam comments that it’s fairly obvious that Jillian is into skating quite a bit. She tells him that she did it since she was thirteen. And now the judges are tougher on her because they know that she’s experienced and expect more.

6:29 MARRIAGE

Chris called into the show to tell Adam that he’s getting married tomorrow. Adam tells Chris that he’s a little old fashioned and he feels like a kid in a dentist’s office at those affairs. No one wants to be there except for the parents. People should just skip to the reception and meet after the wedding. No one in the wedding is going to look out in the audience and notice that he’s not there.

So, Chris called in because he needs a wake-up call tomorrow morning so he can make sure he’s on time for the wedding.

6:39 THE RABBI VS THE PRIEST

Adam defies you to find a quiet, introverted Rabbi. He thinks that any Rabbi is a failed stand-up comic, because they spend about an hour talking and cracking jokes as they perform any ceremony. Priests, on the other hand, want to get in and out. They do ten minutes and they’re done.

6:49 NAMES

Adam doesn’t quite get the casual respect given with using a title in front of a name, like “Mister Adam.” He thinks people should correct someone when they say a phrase like that, because the casual title of respect might just be a cultural difference.

7:04 RACHEL’S MANNEQUIN

Vincent called into the show and says that he is a big fan of Rachel’s derriere. He supposedly has a mannequin of her behind and plays Uno with it.

Adam asks him if he is popular among the women, because any man that hangs out with a mannequin must swamped with women.

7:08 VERSIONS

Whatever celebrities you look like, just say that you look like that celebrity. Don’t say that you are the fat version of some celebrity or the black version of some celebrity.

7:09 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

Canada elected conservative Stephen Harper as their new Prime Minister.

Ford announced plans to cut 25 to 30 thousand jobs in an effort to create more stable jobs.

BlackBerry might be shut down because of a copyright infringement case.

Police arrested a 49-year-old woman and his 70-year-old husband for running a prostitution ring through Craig’s List.

Adam wonders why there are more than enough cops to bust the victimless crimes like prostitution and yet never enough cops for the real problems.

7:13 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

The Buffalo Bills named a new head coach.

Kings beat the Mighty Ducks.

The big story: Steelers and Seahawks in SuperBowl 40. Dave says they have to fill two weeks with material until the big game, so the questions are coming from every media front.

A high school teacher in Beaver Falls, PA relegates a boy to take his test on the floor because he was wearing the Denver colors. They boy complained, and the teacher is unapologetic saying that if the boy felt uncomfortable, that’s a lesson and that’s what the class is designed for.

7:18 ASS-KISS RODEO

Phone screener Brian did okay for a while, but ended up getting thrown with a controversial issue.

7:30 DAVE FOLEY IN THE STUDIO

Dave was on “The Kids In The Hall” and his IMDB profile is http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004929/

Adam mentions that everyone in the business knows “The Kids In The Hall,” and that that show set the benchmark for sketch comedy.

7:49 MORE WITH DAVE FOLEY

Dave will be at the Steve Allen Theater in Hollywood. You can get tickets for his performance here: http://www.plays411.com/.

Dave’s favorite sketch during “The Kids In The Hall” was called “Comfortable.” During the sketch, two couples at a dinner party talking about having good friends and the sketch ends with one guy grabbing the other guy’s wife and having sex with her on the dining room table.

Adam asks Dave about celebrity poker on television. Dave tells Adam that Dennis Rodman was the most difficult celebrity to deal with during the tournament. James Woods, however, he is a talker and even starting his own poker show. He tells Adam that he could be considered self-important.

8:05 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Star Jones did an interview on an Atlanta radio station. They asked her about her gastric bypass surgery and she hung up the phone after saying that it was only gossip and she doesn’t play that game.

Shar Jackson is apparently with Kevin Federline.

Alannis Morissette said that girls should experiment with lesbianism to find out what their preferences are.

Mark Anthony and Jennifer Lopez are rumored to have a baby on the way.

8:15 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

The Clippers beat Golden State.

Houston Texans hire a new head coach.

8:22 MARK ANTHONY

Adam played some music by Mark Anthony. He ponders how this music ever made it to number one or gave this man a career.

He asks, whether you’re Nicole Richie or Mark Anthony, how do these people become celebrities? Is there a human alive being that likes their product?

8:33 MORE ON MARK ANTHONY

A caller called in just to tell Adam that middle-aged Latina menopausal women are attracted to Mark Anthony and go to see him. They have every one of his CDs and lots of Spanish hits.

8:35 THE DEAF FRAT GUY

Jason is a deaf guy at USC who Adam met on a taping of “The Man Show” 5 or 6 years ago. He’s majoring in communications and came in to read the transcript of the Colin Farrell sex tape with Rachel.

8:46 MORE WITH THE DEAF FRAT GUY

Colin Farrell had sex with a playmate and it was all caught on tape. Jason says that one of his frat brothers said he was in a three-way with Colin.

Jason reads the part of Colin on the transcript and Rachel reads the part of the playmate.

8:53 STRIPPERS

Adam says that when you were a stripper, you are always a stripper. It’s like being a marine.

He discusses the Colin Farrell sex tape with Treasure, a Las Vegas ex-stripper. Adam tells her that he doesn’t think it’s a mistake that every celebrity who has a sex tape released is gigantic downstairs. If you were small, you wouldn’t be on video.

9:04 OZZIE

Adam continues the search to find a place in the Los Angeles area for Ozzie to have his 47th birthday party this year. Ozzie is a good man who does an amazing barbeque and Adam feels like he’s done his share of parties and needs to relax this weekend.

Jason offers the frat house to Ozzie for the party, but they won’t have access to the house until after the break, and that might be a problem.

Eduardo calls in from North Hollywood and offers his place to Ozzie. Adam declares Eduardo the winner because Eduardo is Nicaraguan and Ozzie is familiar with North Hollywood.

9:11 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

The 10 Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee will likely vote for Alito, while none of the 8 Democrats likely will not.

George bush was speaking at a Kansas University about the reason why wire-tapping is necessary in the war on terrorism.

Amy Fisher and the Buttafucos are signing up to reunite in a sitcom deal.

9:17 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

The Phoenix Coyotes lose at Dallas.

Mario Lemieux is retiring from hockey’s Pittsburgh Penguins.

9:32 THE WHAT WEIGHS MORE BIG TAD GAME

What weighs more: a Vespa or Big Tad?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a 1976 Model Jukebox?
A: The jukebox.

Big Tad or a 7-foot air hockey table with electronic score?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a Newborn African Elephant?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a Xerox Workcenter Pro Copy Machine?
A: The copy machine.

Big Tad or a Maytag Neptune SuperStack Dryer.
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or 67 Brother P-Touch Labelers in the box?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or an Ikea Expedite Bookcase in the package?
A: Big Tad.

Big Tad or a full-grown male Ostrich?
A: Big Tad.

Big tad or a BowFlex Treadmill?
A: Big Tad.

Rachel scored with 8.
Dave scored with 6.
Adam scored with 5.

9:50 TECHNICALITIES

Adam saw a man on the news yesterday that got off on a technicality. He thinks this man should talk they guy into killing himself. That way, he doesn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of being known as the lawyer who got the pedophile out of serving time.

ADAM AND DANA GOULD

ADAM AND DANA GOULD – January 23, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00

Adam thinks it’s a good thing that we don’t work for NASA, because all of the problems that happen in studio due to not testing anything before we go on the air.

6:02Adam says he likes to have a little bit of booze in his veins before getting in the air when flying because it relaxes him. Planes should be considered like International Waters instead of having different ordinances with each and every city. That way, you could start drinking the second you got on the plane.

Rachel agrees and thinks that planes should be run like cruise ships.

Adam also thinks that if you get a first class ticket, you should be allowed to get into the lounge. When you pay $3000 for a ticket, you should be allowed to go wherever you want to go.

Adam also hates the first class honor of preboarding because you get to get on the plane first without being served booze and going through the indignity of having everyone else bang their Samsonite luggage into you. First class people should be the last people on the plane, because no one actually does anything for you once you sit down.

In addition to the above, there are only fifteen channels on the radio that’s plugged into your seat. Only one of those channels, the classical music channel, is good for sleeping. And a host always has to cut in and let you know what was just playing with a 20-minute soliloquy. Why don’t they have channels that have absolutely no talk so you can sleep?

Also, Adam notices that someone always says, “They must know what they’re doing.” But if that were the case, wouldn’t someone have thought of this?

6:26 PLAY OFFS

After the Steelers dismantled the Broncos, people thought they instantly win the Super Bowl. But after the game with Seattle yesterday, people are expecting a good game. Nonetheless, Dave points out that the Steelers are 4-point favorites.

6:31 THE RULES OF ATTRACTION

As couple, Adam notes that it’s okay to be attracted to other people as long as the attraction can be justified with someone looking like the person you are with. It works both ways: the same applies to women looking at other men.

6:33 DAVE’S JOURNEY TO THE SHOW

Dave got to the show without talking to any women in high school. He had/has a good relationship with his mother. Adam says that a man’s relationship with women growing up has a lot to do with a man’s self esteem. Dave says he had a bowl cut and, a 5’11” and 129 pounds, he didn’t feel like he looked too good. High school girls didn’t care if he knew every player on the Pittsburgh Penguins.

He went to school the University of Indiana where he majored in journalism. When he finished school, he went to Chicago where he did sales for corporate benefits.

He was encouraged to move to Los Angeles and met Jimmy Kimmel through his cousin Sal. They would watch football in the basement.

6:50 ASS-KISS RODEO

Big Tad is playing today. He was thrown within 30 seconds and asks to try again, but Adam denies his request.

7:01 MORE ASS-KISS RODEO

A caller, Richard from Vegas, wants to play a little ass-kiss rodeo. He was thrown within 10 seconds. A new record!

7:04 DESTROY VS. RESCUE

Richard works in a Vegas kennel and doesn’t have to destroy any dogs today. Adam thinks the terms destroy and rescue are a little too strong. How exactly do you destroy a dog?

7:07 ANOTHER PARTICIPANT FOR ASS-KISS RODEO

Brett called in to play ass-kiss radio. He was thrown inside of fifteen seconds.

7:08 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

Ford is announcing layoffs of 25,000 people in a massive restructuring program.

There is a mutiny happening on the Queen Mary Cruise Ship because the ship missed its last few stops due to engine problems and passengers are threatening not to get off.

A man escaped from prison by losing weight with laxatives so he could slip through a small hole he made to get out. He was recaptured in a shopping mall, after disguising himself by drawing on a beard with a magic marker.

A woman got a 30-day jail sentence for leaving her kids at home while going to see the Jerry Springer show.

Miss Oklahoma won the Miss America pageant.

7:15 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

The big story is that the SuperBowl match up is set: Steelers vs. Seahawks.

NBA
The L.A. Lakers’s Kobe Bryant scored a record setting 81 points, the most points ever, in a single game. They beat Toronto.

Clippers win.
Sacramento and Portland lose.

Antonio Davis was given a 5 game suspension by the NBA for jumping into the stands and going after a man approaching his wife during a game.

7:21 A-HOLES

Adam says that a lot of guys don’t realize that they’re a-holes. You can stop being an a-hole tomorrow. Just shut up.

7:31 L.A. AVENGERS

Casey Wasserman, owner of the L.A. Avengers, is in the studio. The L.A. Avengers are Los Angeles’s arena football team. To get a franchise going, it typically takes about 5-million dollars.

The first game is this Sunday at noon at the Staples Center. You can get tickets at the box office or at http://www.laavengers.com/tickets.php. Their season will end in June in Las Vegas. Next weekend, they are playing 6 hours before the SuperBowl, hoping that people want to watch football instead of 17 hours of pregame show on the television before the big event.

7:47 JOHN MADDEN

John Madden (played by Frank Caliendo) calls into the show to talk to Adam. He believes that either the Steelers, from Pittsburgh, or the Seahawks, from Seattle, will win the SuperBowl.

John also says that he will spend all of the time he possibly can with Brett Favre in the off-season.

8:02 NATIONAL PIE DAY

As soon as he’s done with the left-turn arrow crusade, Adam is going to work on getting cake replaced with pie.

His belief is that cheesecake pie is not pie. It’s simply cheesecake in a circular form. And chocolate pie is just pudding inside of a piecrust.

8:06 OZZIE’S MOVIE REVIEWOzzie reviews “Glory Road.” The racism in the movie left the reviewer cold.

Today is Ozzie’s 26th year anniversary, and his 47th birthday is on the horizon. He tried to call Adam all weekend, despite the fact that Adam was out of town this weekend, so he could have a party.

8:13 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Jill Carroll’s father is appealing to her captors to release her.

Weeked Boxoffice:

1. Underworld: Evolution $27.6 million
2. Hoodwinked $11 million
3. Glory Road $9.1 million
4. Last Holiday $9.1 million
5. Brokeback Mountain $7.8 million

Thanks to “Brokeback Mountain,” gay cowboys are coming out.

8:19 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

Seattle wins.
Portland loses.
UCLA, CAL, Oregon, Arizona State all losers.

8:23 RON

Ron, a caller who owns a videogame nightclub, said that Ozzie could have his birthday party there. Adam wouldn’t let Ron plug his nightclub unless a deal could be worked out for Ozzie to barbeque there.

8:33 DANA GOULD IN THE STUDIO

You can see Dana’s IMDB profile at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0332344/ or at his official website via http://www.danagould.com/interviews02.html.

Dana tells Adam about his interview on NPR. Adam says that the reason why NPR is so unusual is because no one can fired there.

Dana is a producer on “The Simpsons” and is doing some stand-up at the HBO Aspen Comedy Special. He’s also in “The Aristocrats.”

Adam mentions that everyone in comedy was inspired by “The Simpsons.”

8:41 TREASURE

Treasure, down in Las Vegas, calls into the show to offer the use of a strip club for Ozzie’s birthday party. Unfortunately, Adam tells Treasure that Ozzie is limited in his ability to travel.

8:50 RICH EISEN

Rich Eisen (http://www.nfl.com/writers/rich_eisen) of NFL Total Access called into the show to talk about the SuperBowl. He says that the ads are usually sold a long time before the game happens. As far as traveling teams go, the Pittsburgh Steelers are among the most popular teams in the NFL.

Dana says that if you are in a city without people pursuing long-term goals, you can have a good traveling crowd for away games.

Rich gets to Detriot on Saturday and they’ll do 60 hours of live programming that week.

Dave asks Rich to pick the winner. Rich says that both teams feel destined to win. The Steelers seem to be the hotter team right now.

9:03 MORE WITH DANA GOULD

Adam introduces Josh Gardner to Dana. Josh composed an original song for Adam’s red left-turn arrow civil disobedience campaign.

Adam says you don’t hear much about folk singers taking a stand against the man like they used to.

Josh used to be in a band called “Private Party,” but now he’s going solo.

9:08 THE OZZIE QUEST CONTINUES

Several callers have called into the studio to offer up their residence for Ozzie to use for his birthday party.

9:12 ASS-KISS RODEO

Adam challenges Dana to a game of ass-kiss rodeo. Dana plays. He gets thrown off of the horse when he had to talk about a Japanese car, and almost took the belt buckle from Mike Lynch.

9:25 TERIN’S DATE WITH MIKE AUGUST

Adam describes Terin as the Vietnamese Angelina Jolie. She went out with Mike because she felt that Mike was a 7 out of 10. He spent more on the date than he has on every date in the last four years combined.

They dined at The Palm and Terin says it definitely wasn’t a match made in heaven. When she showed up, he was on the phone. They went to get a drink while they waited for their table and he criticized her from the beginning for drinking hard liquor.

Terin says that she didn’t listen to her…multiple times…on issues from carbonation to calorie counts.

The negative list:

Confrontational
Judgmental

Adam explains to Mike that it’s the first date. You want something. You need to be very agreeable with women.

9:45 MORE WITH TERIN AND MIKE

Mike is forced to play ass-kiss rodeo with Terin. Mike is thrown from the horse as soon as Terin tells Mike that he was out of line on the date.

9:47 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

A man posted an ad on the Internet to sell cocaine with his phone number. Police caught him.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is reportedly in a bid to pose in Playboy.

Lots of television shows were cancelled recently, including “The West Wing,” and “Emily’s Reasons Why Not.”

9:51 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

ADAM, HARLAND WILLIAMS AND MIKE EPPS

ADAM, HARLAND WILLIAMS AND MIKE EPPS – January 20, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 COMPLIMENTS

Adam has a lot of people approach him and say things like, “Where the juggies at?” That and “Can I get a picture with you? My husband’s a big fan.”

6:06 TOURETTES SYNDROME

People want to share racist ideas, bad thoughts, and relationship crumbling thoughts. Adam has come to the conclusion that nothing good ever came from talking. The thought that should be going through your head when you talk is “What’s in it for me?”

Dave chimes in and says that it’s the same thing when someone calls, and it’s the reason why he doesn’t answer his phone. If it was he himself on the other line, he might pick up. But when someone else calls, he knows that that someone who calls has things on their mind and wants to talk about their problems.

For Adam, 3/4ths of the people calling him want stuff. This is why he doesn’t pick up. Ozzy, for instance, calls when he wants to have a party at Adam’s place. Ozzy has had multiple parties there.

6:08 BIRTHDAYS

Rachel’s birthday is today. She is 30 years old.

Adam is relieved that they haven’t known her that long, because they don’t have to do much of anything for her.

Rachel feels like she still looks 18, so she doesn’t feel bad about turning 30. She feels like the older she gets the more respect she’ll get. Adam asks if it’s an “as the looks diminish the respect level will go up” issue. Rachel doesn’t feel like her looks will ever diminish.

Adam notes that ageing is different for ever race. Respect for the elders is different in other cultures. We, as Americans, have no respect for the older people in society. But if you’re an Asian guy, their wisdom is respected, whether or not they spent their whole life watching television and pushing a broom or not.

Adam says we punish the old people in society because they remind us of what we will eventually become. They remind us of death.

To be successful in making fun of a group, Adam says you need to make fun of a group you’ll never be a part of, like albinos.

6:14 BIG TAD

Big Tad has 2 DUI convictions, but he did community service rather than serve time in jail. He was supposed to do 30 days in jail, but because he had a clean record he was allowed to wash cop cars for two weeks. Part of his probation is the Breathalyzer in his car that is hooked into the ignition. If he is intoxicated, the car will not start.

Big Tad is going to drive through some red turn arrows and report back to Adam on his success.

6:18 JILLIAN BARBERIE

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0053516/

Jillian called into the show to say that she’s a big fan of blowing through those red arrows.

Adam talks with her about “Skating With Celebrities,” and the Canadian pride behind her being amazing on the ice. He tells her that she looked like a professional with her partner.

“Skating With Celebrities” is on the television on Monday nights.

6:31 BEVERLY HILLS SLEEP CENTER

Adam Doctor Ali Ansari from the Beverly Hills Sleep Center because of the schedule change and getting up in the morning so early.

There’s a big misconception about the number of hours of sleep you need and whether or not you will be alert and functional. People have their own number of hours that they need to sleep. There is no standard that says you need to get 8 hours of sleep a day.

Adam asks several questions.

Alcohol is fine to drink early in the evening, but not close to your bedtime. You will only sleep lightly and won’t get good rest. You should finish drinking 3 hours before your bedtime. It’s the same thing with over-the-counter sleeping medications.

Ambien, for the most part, is an excellent prescription sleeping medication for hard-core insomniacs. There are new classes of sleeping pills that are designed specifically for sleep and can be used for longer periods of time.

When you take alcohol with a sleeping pill, the effect doesn’t necessarily double. It can triple or quadruple. That’s why you have no-alcohol warnings with these medications.

6:47 MORE ON SLEEP

Adam asks some things you should know about sleep. Doctor Ansari says you don’t exercise, drink alcohol or eat food 3 to 4 hours before sleeping. You need to slow down your body, and get into the routine of dimming the lights, relaxing, putting on your nightgown, and let your body get accustomed to the routine. Bedrooms are not supposed to be headquarters – you should not be working in the bed. You need to start associating your bedroom with sleep.

Adam asks about naps. If your nap is a short sleeping time of half-an-hour, once or twice, that’s fine. Long naps take away from your sleeping time. And if you’re going to nap, you need to do it before 4 pm. Any later and you’re interfering with your sleep time.

The fetal position – lying on your side – is the best position for sleeping.

7:03 MORE BIG TAD

After being instructed to run a red arrow, Big Tad has been waiting in Culver City for Adam to call him before running a red arrow. And he ran a red arrow on the air.

7:05 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

The United States has no intention of raising the threat level after Bin Laden released a tape.

A judge granted the request that two of Angelina Jolie’s adopted children could take Brad Pitt’s last name.

Half of students at college are unable to comprehend credit card offers.

7:09 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

Lakers lose.
Sacramento wins.

San Jose loses.

Dave is going to Denver, Colorado to see the AFC playoff game between the Steelers and the Broncos.

7:11 JOE BUCK

Joe Buck, the play-by-play voice of Fox Sports called into the show.

Joe tells Adam that Jerome Bettis is one of the nicest men he’s ever met. It’s hard to root against him because he’s so genuinely nice.

Joe thinks Denver will win this weekend.
Joe also thinks Carolina is going to win this weekend.

7:28 AND MORE BIG TAD

Big Tad is still in Culver City. He’s still looking for more red arrows to run.

7:31 ASS-KISS RODEO

Adam explains the rules: he talks, people listen and kiss his ass. The point of which is that people love to kiss his ass. Movies steer life in the wrong direction. Adam says, no one wants anyone with guts. People want to have their ass kissed. And Adam is looking for the best of the best.

Rachel is going to play today. And she failed miserably at the game.

7:46 MORE ASS-KISS RODEO

A caller, Raul, wants to play ass-kiss rodeo. He gets thrown off the horse when he turned the kissing on himself.

Rachel gets back on the horse and tries ass-kiss rodeo again. And this time, she did a great job.

7:52 MIKE AUGUST AND TERIN

Mike August, the show’s talent booker, is in the studio with Terin. Adam says he likes Terin because she’s spicy and beautiful.

Adam says that Mike hasn’t had sex in four years, partly because he’s cheap. Adam is stepping in and picking out where they’re eating and what they’re eating.

8:03 MIKE AND TERIN

Adam asks Mike why he is so cheap. Mike says a lot of it has to do with how he grew up. Terin, however, is a woman who demands to be treated like a queen.

Terin came to America from Vietnam in 1984. She’s 28 years old and single.

Terin’s name on myspace is “MissTaylor.”

8:10 AND EVEN MORE BIG TAD

Big Tad reports that he went through 6 red arrows and not one single cop has given him a ticket.

8:12 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Leif Garrett was arrested for heroin possession yesterday after boarding a subway without a ticket.

Paris Hilton urinated in the back of a cab and was too drunk to notice it. The driver soaked up the urine and is keeping it for DNA evidence.

8:18 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

Lakers lose.
Detriot wins.
Arizona wins.
Oregon wins.
Cal wins.

The big story: NFL Division Championship Playoff weekend is upon us.

8:29 HARLAND WILLIAMS IN THE STUDIO

Harland is in the studio today. http://harlandwilliams.com/index1.html and http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005558/

Adam discusses Big Tad with Harland while Big Tad is on the phone. Adam tells Big Tad not to do anything that is dangerous. He doesn’t want him to get killed.

Harland is from Canada where, he says, they have no rules. He thinks Rachel Perry is awesome and asks her what ever happened to Journey. He asks Adam what he thinks he’d be if he were an animal. Adam says a dolphin or a lion. Harlan says that would make him Dolph Lundgren.

Harland is p.o.ed at Adam because he called Adam for some advice on a project and Adam never called him back. Harlan says he wasn’t mad about Adam not calling him back. He was mad that Adam said he was coming over and never showed up.

Harland has two movies coming out. “Surf School” and “Meet the Robinsons.”

8:47 MORE HARLAND WILLIAMS

Harland mentions that he is very hurt because he had to hire a crew, “Unique Restoration,” to remodel his house because of a pipe breaking.

Harland is going to read a passage from Star Jones’s book, “Shine.” He wants to read it as Mr. Magoo. And then finishes off the passage as Chewbacca.

Harland thinks that radio freaks him out, because he’s sitting there talking becomes like a giant cartoon character.

9:00 IDEAS

Adam has an idea for a cop show called, “No Time For Backup.” Harlan thinks it would be interesting if it were a story between two bulimic people and called “No Time For Throwup.”

9:03 HEAVYSET BLACK WOMEN

Adam wonders why heavyset black women look like they’re perpetually in their 40s.

9:07 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Researchers have noted that it takes an average of 2 hours to get back to your task after being interrupted by an email, a phone call or an instant message at work.

Adam notes that we have no natural wonders in Los Angeles, so everyone mentions the Tar Pits. If that were anywhere else in America, it would’ve been filled with kitty litter and paved over.

Paris Hilton’s deposition can be found online.

James Bond’s Aston Martin goes up for auction this weekend.

New Movies This Weekend

Underworld: Evolution

9:15 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

Dave plays an interview with Ben Roethlisberger.

9:26 MIKE EPPS IN THE STUDIO

Mike Epps is going to be in the Gibson Amphitheatre at Universal CityWalk. The show is almost sold out. http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/828721/?search_redirect=mike%20epps

You can also take a look at him on the web at http://www.delafont.com/comedians/mike-epps.htm

Mike was picked to do the Richard Pryor bio-movie, and he spent a lot of time with Richard learning about him. Unfortunately, the movie was put on hold.

9:35 THE CHOICE

Adam gives Mike a choice: play ass-kiss rodeo or read from Star Jones book.

Mike reads from Star Jones’s book as Shaq. And then as Iced Tea.

9:47 BIG TAD’S BACK

The final tally on red arrows: Big Tad went through 15 total.

9:51 HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Everyone in the studio sings “Happy Birthday” to Rachel and give her a homemade cake.

9:52 FOOTBALL PICKS

Adam: Denver and Seattle.

Rachel: Pittsburgh. Seattle.

Epps: Denver. He’s a die-hard Colts fan. And he thinks Carolina will win.

Dave: Pittsburgh. Seattle.

ADAM AND ROBERT SCHIMMEL

ADAM AND ROBERT SCHIMMEL – January 19, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 ON THE SHOW TODAY

Comedian Robert Schimmel will be on the show later today. http://www.robertschimmel.com/

6:02 WOMEN HAVE 2 CHOICES

Adam says we always give women 2 choices in relationships: either we can’t believe they spent 20 years with this guy, or they’re heartbroken.

Also, Dave mentions that when you approach a woman in a bar and ask them to have a drink…why do they have to be rude to you when they’re not interested? Rachel told Dave that it must be his own personal experience.

6:06 HAIR

Rachel had her hair done yesterday; causing Dave to mention how good she looks today.

Adam says that he doesn’t understand why women do to their car what black people do to cars. They can leave it alone and add 22-inch rims to the car. One of the things about hair, it’s supposed to look natural. When you do the whole wedding thing, you destroy that effect. If you catch a woman on a normal workday and then take the same picture on their wedding day, odds are it will look 50% worse.

6:09 COMPLIMENTS

Dave told Rachel that, in society, it’s proper to repay a compliment with another compliment. Rachel tells Dave that then the compliment is disingenuous.

6:10 WORKING NIGHTS

A caller tells Adam that she was up all night working.

Adam used to work nights, and he says that nothing good happens between the hours of 12 midnight and 4 am. It’s all booze, cigarettes and masturbation. All of the damage is done between those hours.

6:14 COMMISSION

Adam wants all sales people to get some commission as an incentive to actually help the shoppers and get behind the counter. He’s sick of going into a store and being told he’ll be helped in a minute and then waits for half-an-hour to get some service.

6:15 ENTERTAINMENT

Adam says that, in the past, there was no satellite television, no Internet, no I-Pod, and people were just going crazy trying to entertain themselves. That’s why people would stop at eateries with similar names to their own and take pictures like it was a big deal.

6:21 MUSICIANS

Women are very picky with musicians. You play a guitar or the drums in a high school band and women are all over you. But if you play a reed or a horn, they want nothing to do with you. Adam understands that some instruments are more attractive than others, but shouldn’t those players of unattractive instruments not be punished sexually?

Dave thinks it has to do with the marching band attire.

6:31 COMPLIMENTS PART 2

Rachel says that she feels really badly about not paying back Dave’s compliment. In her defense, when she complimented Carson Daly yesterday, she never sees him. But she sees Dave every day. And today, she even dressed exactly like him.

6:32 TICKETS

A caller got a ticket for rolling through a red arrow. But not exactly for rolling through a red arrow – the cop busted the caller for not having updated insurance.

6:33 FOCUS

Adam says you can’t focus through every second of life. For example, he’s been trying to call his grandmother every day, but she never picks up. Part of it is because she’s used to one type of phone and not another. It’s the same reason why when you get into a rental car, and the lights are in a different position, you turn on the wipers the first eight times. The brain doesn’t focus on everything.

If you really had to learn everything, you’d be screwed. Keyboards are all laid out the same way. If the keys were in a different order, you’d never be able to get through life.

We do the same thing with the red turn arrows at signals. Sometimes you have a green arrow and then there’s nothing. Other times you have a red arrow. And other times you have nothing at all. Adam asks for uniformity.

6:37 BLT

Yesterday, to start his diet, Big Tad went to IHOP and had a BLT.

Today, Big Tad is down to 329. He lost three pounds.

6:38 ELIZABETH

A caller named Elizabeth called in and said that she and Adam chatted online. She claims that he told him that she sounded really mature.

People that know Adam laugh at these instances. He’s never really used email and doesn’t really use computers.

6:41 MOVIES

Adam misses the part in movies where someone begs someone else to kill them.

6:50 THE EURYTHMICS

Adam isn’t sure if he likes Annie Lennox from the Eurythmics, and he wonders what her attitude is like.

Sting, however, he thinks is a back-door blowhard. He will explain to you how he is single handedly saving the rainforest, and then tell you how he makes love to his wife for nineteen hours a day.

Rachel mentions that she thinks that he and his wife have an open relationship. Adam says that he thinks all musicians like Sting have open relationships, or else they’d just get a divorce.

Adam considers himself to be the Sting of North Hollywood.

7:04 RED ARROWS

Adam wonders if we’re all lemmings, following the rules and regulations of these nonsensical signals on the road. He wonders why nobody else has a problem with this but he himself. Just because the red arrow goes up, that doesn’t mean that it’s dangerous to turn. Ultimately, all you have is your own instinct and your own judgment. When you park at a curve, what’s to stop you from jumping the curve and plowing into a house? Your own judgment.

7:07 LAWYERS AND TRAFFIC

Lee Rittenberg, a lawyer, believes that Adam is obeying the spirit of the law but not the letter of the law. Adam thinks you should never ever get a ticket for anything that is the spirit of the law but not the letter of the law. He explains that red arrows and stop signs are posted for the same reason, so oncoming traffic doesn’t crash into anyone. In court, a violation of the letter of the law due to obeying the spirit of the law is not a winning argument.

Judges are looking for legal high ground, not moral high ground. That’s why the “it was clear” argument is not going to win in court.

If you are ever sighted for going through a red arrow, you can fight the ticket if you have been sighted for going through a red circular. There is a specific section for a red arrow, and a separate section for a red circular. So you can beat the system on a technicality.

Only 1% of people fight their tickets. So it is possible to clog the system if everyone fights his or her ticket.

Lee asks Adam what he thinks about the photo red lights. Adam says that the city does a lot of stuff just to raise funds under the guise of public safety than the issue of public safety. Law enforcement is a business.

Rachel mentions that she would love to see the stats on how profitable the law enforcement business is in comparison to other government agencies.

You can beat the photo tickets. According to the law, there needs to be a clear photo of the driver’s face and the license plate in the same frame. The law also says that signs have to be posted in all directions warning you of the photo intersection. And the law also says that the government runs the system, not the company that runs the camera. If you can show that the camera is primarily operated by an outside government agency, you can beat the system.

Radar tickets are the easiest tickets to win. Any ticket involving a laser or radar, according to the law, the cop who issued the ticket needs to bring in an engineering and technical survey that’s dated within the last five years that justifies the speed limit on a stretch of road.

7:29 ROBERT SCHIMMEL IN THE STUDIO

Adam met Robert when he was on a flight with John Ritter.

Adam considers Robert to be a comedic genius. He’s performing at the Irvine Improv tonight through Sunday.

Robert was discovered by Rodney Dangerfield. He was managing a stereo store and had never been to a comedy club before. He was visiting his sister in Los Angeles and his sister signed him up on amateur night. He had no material and told people he was a stereo salesman. The audience thought that was his hook and that he was going to tell stereo jokes. This was in 1988.

He decided that he was going to sell his house and moved to Los Angeles in a U-Haul. The Improv where he was going to work burned to the ground the night before he hit Los Angeles.

Rodney saw him outside of The Comedy Store one night after a show. Gallagher was berating his comedy. During this, Rodney came up to him and told him that he thought he was really funny and wanted him in his HBO comedy special.

7:49 MORE WITH ROBERT SCHIMMEL

Robert went through chemotherapy for Nonhodgekins Lymphoma and survived.

He says that it’s very strange when you’re in the hospital and ask you if you believe in the hereafter. It’s also strange when you have to sign a living will with instructions to or not to resuscitate.

8:01 RAPPING

Adam says that all crazy people can rap just like all Mexicans can whistle loud. He thinks that the ultra loud whistle should be taught. Everyone should learn how to do it so you can get someone’s attention quickly when that kid is on the Big Wheel rolling behind a car that’s backing up.

8:04 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

The woman who received a face transplant after being savaged by a dog has taken up smoking again. Doctors fear that it will interfere with the healing process.

Al Jazeera is running a new tape of Bin Ladin.

A teenage girl called 911 as she tried to escape from a car that was sinking in a yacht club. Her grandfather was driving the car, hit two cars backing out of the spot and launched the car into the water. The grandfather did not survive.

American Idol had its largest audience for the premiere ever on Monday night. Adam wants to know what happened to guys that actually sing and sound like dudes. He doesn’t get why guys are getting all breathy.

8:14 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

Trail Blazers dump Toronto.
Suns win.

UCLA smoked USC.

Broncos and Steelers prepare for the weekend’s playoff battle.

8:29 MORE WITH ROBERT SCHIMMEL

Robert was there at Cesar’s Palace when Rodney Dangerfield burned his eyes and started a lawsuit.

On Rodney’s headstone it says, “There goes the neighborhood.”

8:33 NEW TALENT

Adam says he wants to use his show to help usher in new talent. Today on the show, folk singer Josh Gardner is given an opportunity to sing a few original songs. The first one he sings is called “Mr. Stinkfinger.”

8:44 SMARTS

Adam says that if you want to show that you’re smart, all you have to do is say that you’re into the comedy of Robert Schimmel.

8:46 MORE MUSIC

Josh sings a second song in the studio called “We Can Make It Work.”

A caller mentions that she loves the folk music and she’s ready to come down to the studio and do him right now, but backtracks and says she was being ironic.

9:01 TECHNO MUSIC

A caller wanted to know why Adam makes fun of techno music. Adam tells him that because, it’s awful and because it’s made for really stupid, high people. Other than those criteria, the music is invalid as a form of entertainment.

9:05 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Jill Carroll’s parents made a plea for her safe return from her captors in Iraq.

American Idol Kelly Clarkson decided that she will allow American Idol to use her songs on a case-by-case basis for the show after Simon scolded her.

Adam doesn’t like the fact that you’re watching and making fun of people’s mental disorders in the audition phase of the show. 99.9% of Americans can’t sing to save their lives. Is it entertaining to watch people who can’t do something try and do something?

Rachel says yes, it is. She could watch it all day.

Adam finds that it’s just cruel.

9:14 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

The Rams are looking to hire on a new offensive coach.

In Chicago, Antonio Davis jumps into the stands to handle a drunken buffoon who was handling his wife.

Sean Locklear, Seahawks, accused of choking his girlfriend, is going to play this weekend.

9:28 ASS KISS RODEO

A caller got a chance to play ass-kiss rodeo with Adam. He did well until Adam complimented himself, and then he faltered.

Adam plays next with Mike Lynch. Mike played a flawless game.

9:39 LISTS

Dave lists the ass-kiss rodeo ranks

#1 Mike Lynch
#2 Jake, the writer
#3 Jim Brusca
#4 Gregg, the caller

9:47 GAS STATIONS

Adam wonders at what point they did away with the talking hole that was incorporated in glass. He thinks it was when everyone started to not speak English.

9:50 ASS-KISS RODEO

James, a caller, plays ass-kiss rodeo with Dave. The last comment tossed the game as it was turned back on Adam.

9:51 OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE

A woman called in and told Adam that it’s horrible to make fun of overweight people for not having sex for long periods of time.

9:53 RANCHERO MUSIC

A caller tells Adam that he’s narrow-minded for not trying and accepting differences in cultural music. Adam says it’s fair to say that – no matter where you grow up – the music is awful.

ADAM AND SETH GREEN

ADAM AND SETH GREEN – January 18, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 MORNING ATTITUDE

Rachel hates the computer that she’s on. She can never get it to do the thing that she wants it to do. Dave is on cloud 9 though, because we’re halfway through the AFC title journey to Denver.

6:03 THE RED LIGHT

Rachel tells Adam that she did the illegal turn through the red arrow this morning, so her adrenaline is pumping.

Adam tells Rachel that back in the day, the signals from about midnight to 6AM would just blink because there was no traffic. It’s one of those weird things you might remember from when you were a kid. Why we did away with that technology, Adam doesn’t know, but it screws up all of society.

6:06 BRITTANY

Adam wonders if Brittany’s father was an alcoholic or a racist because she’s into the chocolate thunder. Dave thinks there might be some control and self-esteem issues there. Adam says if you make the “I will only…” declaration, there’s something behind it.

6:07 THE NEWS

Adam’s been following the news about the boys in Florida who beat the hobo to death. He’s not surprised that it happened in Florida.

He says that whenever these kinds of crimes happen, the people who participate have something wrong with their blame. But there’s always a third kid who stands by and laughs maniacally but doesn’t actually participate. He should be punished the same way as the other guys.

Adam thinks that the stand-by person should be punished more because they’re the only sane one in the group. If you’re going to stand by and watch someone be bludgeoned to death, you deserve – at the very least – the same punishment. That creates a motivation for someone to call the police or do something.

6:14 BAD INFLUENCE

A caller told Adam that she went through a red arrow this morning with her grandma, and she did it because her grandma said, “It’s okay, Adam does it.”

Adam says he always wanted to be a bad influence on the young and old alike.

Adam thinks we should start punishing people who are dragging their butts and get things moving. He wants cops to stop handing out these stupid tickets for dumb violations. Buts perps, keep order and get the city moving.

If everyone rises up and does this, there’s nothing anyone is going to do about it.

6:30 IN A HURRY

A caller wanted to now why Adam is in such a big hurry.

Adam says because everyone is going to die. He wants to get from point A to point B in the least amount of time possible. He doesn’t want to waste his time on the road stopped in traffic.

Dave says you also want to get home as fast as possible to see the television. TiVo buys you some time, but there’s so much on TiVo’s plate that you don’t want to be too late.

6:37 BIG TAD

Big Tad found out that his assumed weight of 325 is way off. Adam wants to find out, according to the body mass index, just how much Big Tad should weigh because it’s do unhealthy.

Big Tad says he’s 5’11”. According to the BMI, for his height/weight for a heavyset man, he should weigh somewhere between 161 to 184.

Adam thinks we need to start working on uniform sizes. Different manufacturers have different standards for sizes. The whole thing where this runs small and that runs big needs to be worked out.

6:50 MORE BIG TAD

When Adam met Big Tad, Big Tad was 19 or 20 and he was a big man then. Adam says that when you’re a heavyset guy, the male genitalia actually shrinks because of the extra estrogen in the system.

On the scale, Big Tad weights in at 332.

According to the BMI:

Small men 146-157
Medium men 154-166
Large men 161-184

Adam wants to see Big Tad lose 10 pounds in one week.

7:03 OTHER COUNTRIES

Adam mentions that celebrities always mention what America isn’t doing for other countries. But no one ever mentions what other countries don’t do for America.

7:05 CHRISTIAN CALLED

Christian is a 13-year-old who called into the show and wants to be a comedian and tells a joke on the air.

Adam wants Christian to come up with some of his own material, craft a joke, and then call back with original stuff.

Adam tells Christian that a lot of comedians got into the business because, like models, their friends signed them up to do some stand-up in a place with open mics or at a comedy competition.

7:11 THE NEWS

Rachel reports the news.

Supreme Court upheld the right to die in Oregon.

Although Bush opposed this ruling, Adam thinks that doctors are probably smart enough to not start killing all of their patients.

A female reporter, Jill Carroll, was taken hostage in Iraq with the demand that the US free all of Iraq’s female prisoners within 72 hours or they would kill her. She was seen in a tape that aired on Al-Jazeera, the Arab TV station.

Senator Hilary Clinton suggested that Republicans are running the House of Representatives like a plantation.

American Idol premiered on Fox last night.

7:19 THE SPORTS

Dave reports the sports.

Phoenix surprised by Sacramento.

USC plays UCLA tonight.

The big story: playoffs. Carolina at Seattle. Pittsburgh Steelers at Denver.

7:30 THE HOSTAGE

First, a caller asked Adam if he saw the hostage in Iraq, because she’s cute. Adam agrees and thinks that we’re going in.

7:35 CARSON DALY ON THE PHONE

Carson is on the phone next. His IMDB profile is: http://www.imdb.com/find?q=carson%20daily;s=all

Adam asks Carson if he knows Rachel, and she speaks up and says that she insulted him at the VH1 celebrity golf tournament. But he took it well.

Carson says that he has problems trying to find things he can talk about everyday on the television. He spends a lot of time thinking about topics that will still be relevant in the coming days.

Carson says that he’s a big fan of Rachel because she’s smart and she’s also very good at what she does. Carson also tells Adam that he has a girlfriend.

Adam laughs and says that that’s the one thing every good-looking man with a girlfriend hates to say. None of them want to admit that they have a girlfriend.

7:50 INCENTIVE FOR BIG TAD

A caller says that he has a better incentive to lose weight than hookers: every time he drops 10 pounds, he should be allowed to see a sales woman topless.

7:51 BRITTANY IN THE STUDIO

Adam finds out that Brittany’s father is not a racist and that she has a good relationship with her. She says she doesn’t judge people by the color of their skin.

7:54 AMERICAN IDOL

Adam talks American Idol. He finds the beginning of the show a waste. Rachel loves the beginning of the show, because that’s where the drama is.

8:03 AMERICAN IDOL DEBATE CONTINUES

Brittany sings an American Idol themed song. Rachel compliments Brittany on her singing.

Adam thinks the beginning of the show is a waste.
Rachel thinks the beginning is where all of the drama is.
And Dave thinks that the show is crud. Don’t watch it.

To Adam, American Idol isn’t entertainment. And he hates the graphics. The whole show looks bad until the end. It all looks very hollow.

8:12 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

A Japanese Internet Company investigation caused stockowners to sell off stock.

Rachel mentions the Supreme Court decision. Adam jokes about not playing God. Every time we resuscitate someone, isn’t that playing God?

New Orleans Mayor Ray Negin issued an apology yesterday for saying comments on Memorial Day that divided the city.

Adam notes that most apologies are where you take back something that you were actually thinking, but shouldn’t have said.

Whitney Houston and bobby Brown are breaking up.

8:17 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

LA Kings lose to Tampa Bay.

8:28 SETH GREEN IN THE STUDIO

Seth Green is in the studio. You can see his IMDB profile at: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001293/

Seth is in the studio to promote “Four Kings.” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0461721/

Seth and Adam met back at KROQ.

Adam asks Seth about television shows and getting angry with people who don’t watch the same television shows you do. Seth says that’s because the shows are a form of escapism and it’s how they relate to others.

Adam mentions that Seth is a small hombre, but a tough hombre. In a battle between Seth and Big Tad, Seth would win.

Seth is going to read a passage from “Shine” in the voice of Chris Griffin from “The Family Guy.”

Adam mentions that, in the past, it was your duty to not flaunt disposable wealth. Today, everyone is writing a book on how great they are. Star Jones is no exception with her book, offering expert advice. Rachel wants to know where someone who had gastric bypass surgery to lose weight can give advice on fitness.

8:48 MORE WITH SETH GREEN

Adam tells Set that he needs to watch “Six Feet Under.”

Rachel tells Seth that “Robot Chicken” is genius.

Adam lists a lot of things out of the movies that he would like to do, especially the non-verbal modes of communication.

8:52 SETH READS STAR JONES

Seth reads Star Jones in the voice of Chris Griffin.

Star advises that you should never leave the house without your make-up.

9:00 GOING GAY

Adam says that if he were going gay, he’d go Seth Green. It wouldn’t be nearly the commitment that Big Tad would be.

9:04 IQ TESTS

Adam says that you can’t put a lot of trust into the IQ tests. His wife makes fun of him for scoring low, but he tells his wife that the joke’s on her for marrying a retard.

9:06 CHILDREN

Adam wanted to see the sonogram of his children, but he doesn’t want to save the picture to show the kids later in life. He thinks it would freak out the kids later in life, seeing themselves in pre-embryonic stages.

If you had a sonogram tape of your child, would you watch the tape?

9:09 ASS-KISS RODEO

The premise behind this is that, no matter what Adam says he thinks or wants, someone agrees. Adam mentions that he’d like to get a pizza and keeps altering the toppings. Brusca agrees with him and tries to appease him.

After, Adam tells Jim that the ass kissing was okay, but it sounded like bad acting.

Jim tells Adam that he’s neither an actor nor an ass-kisser.

9:13 THE NEWS

Rachel recaps the news.

Ricky Martin claims to love giving the golden shower.

David Hasselhoff blames his divorce on alcohol and going through a terrible time when he hated himself.

Hilary Swank is trying to work her marriage out.

Adam doesn’t like the red carpet affairs. He wonders at what point we started to care about what other people are wearing. He knows that it seems like the world is populated only by gay men and women, but most of the bills are paid for by straight men. When did we become so obsessed with fashion? Adam says that anyone obsessed with fashion is not a substantial person. There are more important things to worry about.

9:20 THE SPORTS

Dave recaps the sports.

A man in Pittsburgh was watching the game in a bar and had a heart attack when Jerome fumbled last week against the Colts. He was hospitalized and is doing better now.

9:32 THE WEBSITE

Adam plugged his website: www.adamcarolla.com

9:33 RED LEFT-TURN ARROWS

Adam knows they have a reason for having arrows to alleviate traffic, but he finds that when it’s perfectly safe to turn you should be able to turn. Four or five years ago, Adam decided that he was ignoring the arrow. He hasn’t gotten one ticket from making a left turn on a red arrow.

Adam says that cops either hang out and set a trap for speeders, or they take down perps. He says that all cops should unite to stop writing nonsense tickets to people who aren’t criminals. He thinks cops should focus on actual criminals, like in the show 24. Do you ever see someone on television writing tickets?

Rachel thinks they should do a special episode of Cops: Traffic Violations.

9:37 JAYWALKING

A caller tells Adam that he got a jaywalking ticket. Adam got a jaywalking ticket in Burbank once.

Adam thinks that, not only can you get a ticket for jaywalking, but the cop can also give the driver who didn’t stop a jaywalking ticket. One person should get a ticket. Not both.

9:51 BROKEN ARROWS

9:52 GERMANY OR FLORIDA?

Guess where the bizarre story occurred:

A man who woke up with a serious headache walked to a hospital to discover that he had powder burns, a swollen lip and a bullet lodged in his tongue.

Mike Lynch – Florida
Rachel – Florida
Dave – Florida
Adam – Germany

And the answer: Florida.