ADAM WITH MARK BURNETT, RICK FOX, FINESSE MITCHELL — February 16, 2006 – 5am to 10am, PST
Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into the Adam Carolla Show!
6:00 DRIVER’S LICENSE PICTURES
Adam kicks off the show asking about Rachel’s new hair-do. She’s just paranoid because she’s getting her driver’s license picture taken today, and wants to look good so she’s not stuck with a bad picture. Adam is blown away that she’d go to the trouble just to get her license picture taken. Men wouldn’t go to nearly the trouble, or even think of it.
The reason people are getting fatter is that now they are wearing baggier and baggier clothes. They are even making “designer sweats” now, and it makes people think it’s okay for them to dress like that all the time. People should wear clothes that don’t fit right so they’ll stop eating so much. Adam refers to it as “feeling the pinch.”
6:08 COPS
Adam says cops are generally stupid guys. Well, not stupid, but not smart. Adam gets a lot of crap for calling out soldiers, but they were generally C and D students in school that got into these roles. The smart ones ended up in college, because they got the scholarships.
Adam laments that affirmative action kept him out of firefighting, and he didn’t want the baggage associated with being a cop. Cops must be trained to keep talking – they filibust you, so you can’t get any words in.
They must teach a lot of verbal control and command to these cops in school. They have to deal with so many boozed-up and drugged-up people, so they need language that can “cut through the fog” so that anybody can understand them.
6:12 MORE LICENSE PHOTOS
Dave’s picture shows his face so fat it cuts his cheeks off. Rachel’s still holding out and hasn’t shown them her current license photo, which is apparently pretty bad.
Adam’s license shows his middle name as “Lakers”, even though it’s not true. He just decided to pencil it in when he got his license and they were doing good.
6:13 SMART COP
Ed calls in and says he’s got a son who is a cop and he’s smart. He doesn’t like that Adam is trashing cops. Adam clarifies it – he doesn’t mean dumb, it’s just average. The people who become cops aren’t “smart”; they aren’t going to Stanford or anything. They’re good guys.
The show is going to Las Vegas on March 9th, and Ed lives across from where they are doing it. He wants tickets – they’re going to hook him up. Adam says he’s going to crash at Ed’s place after the show.
6:16 TIVO
Everybody should get a Tivo, Adam thinks. Then he decides that he should be getting compensated for all of the product placing he does with people he knows.
6:17 NAPS
A lot of people Adam knows take naps, but they don’t want to bother setting their alarm just for a nap, so it’s not a good nap, because they’re constantly watching the clock.
Get a digital timer from the supermarket. Set it for how long you want to nap, and go to sleep. You don’t have to mess with your alarm clock.
6:20 MORE ON INTELLIGENCE
Adam is keen on being smarter than everybody he’s around. Rachel points out that he’s definitely like that with his wife.
Intelligence doesn’t equate to happiness. Adam says his dog is probably much happier than him, because the dog doesn’t know he’s going to die. Intelligence doesn’t make you any happier, or any more money.
Adam mentions that cops are good-natured and generally nice guys, but they aren’t smart. They are average intelligence. Why does everybody have to be a genius? If everybody is, nobody is.
6:22 DEODORANT
Sometimes you smell somebody and you don’t smell their BO or anything, but you smell their deodorant. Why would someone wear deodorant that actually smells like deodorant? Wear something that has another scent.
6:34 WHICH WEIGHS MORE?
Tad weighed in at 322, the goal is 315. If he drops the weight, he goes to Vegas. If he doesn’t, he has to shave off half his mustache. It’s diabolically simple – Tad has a huge handlebar mustache.
To help him drop some weight, Tad got a colonic.
Adam says there’s probably no middle ground in this industry – it’s either models or morbidly obese people.
6:49 MARK BURNETT
Big Tad game is on hold, because Mark Burnett is on the line. Mark Burnett is the producer of The Apprentice, Survivor and The Contender, among other things. Adam has a Survivor dance he does whenever the show comes on.
Adam thinks that these shows are all just metaphors for boxing.
The scoring on Mark Burnett’s shows is fantastic, Adam thinks. The music really adds a lot to the feel of each show. Mark says he’s picked composers from films that he liked, because the music is a very important aspect. Just because these shows are unscripted, doesn’t mean they should be any less dramatic. He points out that Hans Zimmer is the composer who did the music for The Contender, who has also scored many feature films.
Adam wants to pitch a show, an idea that Jimmy Kimmel never stops making fun of him for. It combines many elements of the shows he already does, and it’s called Renaissance Man. Quiz shows have tons of smart people on, but they’re weenies. Then you watch shows like American Gladiator, where it’s all brawny dumb guys. Adam wants a show that will find the Renaissance man, who could win a physical contest as well as a mental contest.
Rachel thinks this show would be great, and would not only watch it, but would host it.
Mark hates to break it to Adam, but a similar show, “Krypton Factor”, was already produced in the United Kingdom. He says it is a good idea though, and that Adam should do it. Adam corrects him – “we” should do it.
Adam is aggravated that American Idol is more popular than shows like Survivor, when American Idol is “dumb” entertainment.
Survivor is on tonight at 8pm EST/PST, on CBS.
7:11 WHICH WEIGHS MORE?
Everybody gets a Hooters $100 gift certificate if they win. Rachel is playing for James, and Dave is playing for Matt, and Adam is playing for Shawn.
Tad vs. a Jacuzzi
Answer: the Jacuzzi – 410lbs.
Tad vs. a Tortoise
Answer: the Tortoise – 400lbs.
Tad vs. 6 Curling Stones
Answer: Big Tad (the stones weigh 250lbs.)
Tad vs. The “Fat Man” Atomic Bomb dropped on Nagasaki
Answer: The Bomb – 10,300lbs.
Adam/Shawn won the gift certificate, 4 to zip.
7:17 NEWS
The lone survivor from the W. Va. Mine tragedy has started speaking.
Dick Cheney gave his first interview since he shot his friend. He claimed full responsibility for the accident.
They interviewed an “extractor” for the Westminster Kennel Club, who extracts the “samples” from the dogs.
American Idol decided on the final 24 people who will compete.
Jessica Simpson is whoring herself all over, according to tabloids. Reports have linked her to Jude Law.
7:22 SPORTS
Winter Games in Torino – the US has won 5 gold medals, we trail Norway in total medals.
U.S. hockey team tied Latvia yesterday.
NBA last night, Clips lost to Golden State.
Lakers lost at home to Atlanta.
Seattle, Portland and Sacramento all lost.
Phoenix won at Denver.
7:33 RICK FOX IN THE STUDIO
Rick Fox, former NBA star, is in the studio. Adam tells Rick he’s a beautiful man. He points out to Rick that his middle name on his license is Lakers.
Rick is divorced from Vanessa Williams, but has a child with his ex-wife, which lets him stay friends with her. Adam says people are going to look at the daughter and be disappointed no matter how beautiful she is, because of who her parents are.
He’s broken into acting – he’s currently on Love Inc, but he’s also been on Oz. He is also in a movie with Carrie Anne Moss that will screen at the Tribeca Film Festival this year, and will hopefully see a theatrical release.
He started playing basketball at age 15, when he saw it on television. His mom was in the Olympics for Canada, as a high jumper. He was raised in the Bahamas.
Dave is upset that he’s played basketball since he was 6 and he’s no good, and he’s never been discovered. Rachel points out that Rick is 6’9”.
Rick ended up at the University of South Carolina. He got his start in the NBA when the Boston Celtics drafted him in the first round, and he played with Larry Bird. Dave asks if Larry Bird was big with the ladies – definitely, in Boston.
He’s single and enjoying the single life after six years of marriage. Rick says he’s not good at relationships, and that’s what went wrong with his marriage. Adam wonders if it’s because actresses and people in the entertainment industry are much higher maintenance. Ultimately, Rick blames himself. Rachel asks if he’ll be able to love again, but he says not any time soon.
Rachel wants to know what Rick is looking for. He’s not looking to be in a relationship right now. Adam points out that Rick can just tell people he doesn’t settle down, so he can sleep around Hollywood.
7:54 PANDAS / MORE WITH RICK FOX
Adam goes on about how you have to be careful with dogs, because sometimes you think you’re having fun with the dog, and it’ll start humping your leg. Animals in general have this problem, except for pandas. They won’t ever get together, no matter how bad we try to make them.
Dave is wondering why Rachel isn’t all over Rick Fox. She points out she has a boyfriend, and he’s a guest. She asks if it’s polite to get all over the guests. Dave says she should take off her shawl. She’s a little appalled.
Adam again points out that Rick is built well. A lot of people get “weird looking” when they get bigger, but Rick looks great.
America needs to export ‘hating your parents’ to the world, instead of freedom. He says that’s where change begins – hating your parents. He says Rick could be an ambassador for hating your parents.
Dave interjects – Kobe versus Shaq. Who’s nicer? Rick says Shaq. Kobe is completely career focused. Adam points out that the best way to describe someone who’s an a-hole is to say something like: “So, how is Kobe?” “Well, Kobe’s Kobe.” That’s code for a-hole.
Rick says that the word “groupies” is used to describe female fans you run into, but it doesn’t totally apply. You really meet all kinds of women – single, married, dating, etc. They just want to spend time with you because you’re an athlete or a celebrity.
Love Inc. is on tonight at 8pm EST/PST on UPN.
8:12 SOPHIE MONK IN THE STUDIO
Sophie Monk has joined the program. She’s in Date Movie, which is released soon. Adam points out they may never see two more beautiful people on the show at the same time as Rick Fox and Sophie Monk.
Adam wonders if Australians have to “represent” their laid back attitude when they go around the world. She says no, for the most part she never thinks of it. There are uptight Australians, but they don’t let them out of the country.
Sophie Monk talks about her work with Eddie Griffin, and mentions that she’s got another movie coming out with Adam Sandler later this year called “Click”. She can also sing – she was on the Australian version of Pop Star.
They pressure her to decide who is the most attractive on the show. She really doesn’t want to do it. She says she wouldn’t sleep with anybody on the show; she’s not that kind of a girl.
Dave has labeled himself a god in the looks department, but Sophie gives him a 5. Dave says regardless of how she feels about herself, Sophie must get a lot of men throwing themselves at her. She says no – she’s single and not really looking.
Apparently, she was supposed to leave at the first break. Adam freaks a little, and asks her to stay. She says she’ll stick around.
8:30 MORE WITH SOPHIE MONK
Dave wants to know if Sophie goes for the rock star types. She says no, she bounces around to different types of men. Dave wants to know if they can go for miniature golf. She says she’s in.
They replay an interview Sophie had with the uptight Republican, asking her if she’s concerned kids will see this movie and start kissing goats. She was totally thrown off, because it was her first interview in America, and she thought it was totally serious.
Date Movie comes out this Friday.
Adam thinks Dave’s problem is that his mother is physically attracted to him. Dave says she’s a mother, but she’s also a woman, so it’s understandable. Dave thinks he’s much more attractive than he is for that reason.
8:43 FINESSE MITCHELL IN THE STUDIO
Finesse Mitchell is going to be performing at a theater in North Hollywood this weekend. Adam jokes that there’s a statue of him at the theater there, because North Hollywood is his stomping ground.
Adam talks about having to cram his pockets with candy to smuggle into the theater when he was a kid, because his parents wouldn’t pay for it at the theater.
Finesse has been added as an official cast member at Saturday Night Live, as this is his third year. He jokes that now he gets health insurance. There’s a lot of politics involved behind the scenes, but Finesse just shows up and does his job.
He played football for the University of Miami in the heyday of Miami ball. He was on the ’91 championship team. Adam asks him to do his Morgan Freeman and he riffs for a bit.
They talk about how TV programming changes very subtlely during Black History Month. You’ll see shows that are dedicated to looking at black contributions, and you’ll stop and remember, “Right, it’s Black History Month.”
9:02 TAD’S WEIGH IN IS COMING UP
Just a reminder that Tad is trying to get down to 315 from 322. If he hits the target weight, he’s off to Vegas for a fantasy weekend. If he doesn’t, they’re going to shave half of his mustache.
Tad says his enema yesterday set him back seventy-five bucks. Adam asks him to describe how it works. They stick a tube up there pretty far, and they shoot you up with warm water until you feel it come loose, and then they suck it back out.
Adam goes on a rant about how they pitch enemas as cleansing the toxins from your body. He doesn’t buy into it, but Tad does.
9:08 NEWS RECAP
Rachel recaps the morning news.
A whippet from the Westminster Kennel Club dog show escaped from his cage at the Kennedy airport. They are searching for him with helicopters. Adam points out that you can’t catch a whippet, and wants to know if there is a shortage of them that’s causing us to look for this one.
A Michigan man was caught having sex with a sheep, and they did DNA tests to prove that he was the one. The man feels that when he gets out of prison, he should not have to register as a sex offender.
9:16 SPORTS RECAP
Dave recaps the sports news.
9:21 DAVE IS GETTING MARRIED
Adam brings up that Dave is getting married this weekend. Rachel can’t believe that someone is taking Dave off the market, but Adam points out that it’s an arranged marriage.
Adam asks what is attraction? It’s just the crap from your past that you’re now applying to other people. If you were an alcoholic, you’ll probably end up with another. Your radar for picking partners is tainted – you really shouldn’t pick your own. Arranged marriages would probably work a lot better.
9:33 TAD’S WEIGH IN
Jamilla, a Perfect 10 model is in the studio – she’ll be going with Tad to Las Vegas and escorting him around if he hits the target weight. Dennis the hairdresser is also in studio, who will be shaving off half of Tad’s mustache if he does not hit the target weight.
Tad managed to drop 10 pounds, hitting 312 pounds. Rachel still wants him to shave part of his mustache, but Tad won’t have it. Everybody feels bad for the poor model who has to escort him around. Adam reminds him that he’s one buffet trip away from putting all that weight back on.
9:45 MORE WITH TAD AND JAMILLA
Tad keeps gloating about his win. Adam says he’s going to go out and buy some rufees for the trip. He asks if anything physical is going to happen, and her long “ehhhhhhhh” tells Adam that she’d never consider it. He says these answers require just the right amount of “ehhhh” before them – not too much, not too little.
Adam asks if she’s been with a woman before – “ehhhhhhhhhh… that’s personal.” Adam checks that as a ‘yes.’
They want to see if Tad can keep losing more weight. Tad’s worried that they’re going to try and have him lose more weight than he could. They ask if he could do eight pounds – he tells them to kiss his butt. They wear him down and eventually they convince him to try for eight and a half pounds by next week. He complains that he has to starve himself, but he’s willing to give it a shot. If he wins, he’ll get NASCAR passes and pit passes. If he loses, he’ll have to sell Girl Scout cookies in a Girl Scout uniform at a busy intersection for the entire show.
