ADAM WITH JOEY CHESTNUT, DENNIS HOF, RON JEREMY AND PRISONER DAVID — 5am to 10am PST, August 28, 2006

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6:00 NOT FINISHING

Joey Chestnut, the hot dog eating championship runner-up, will be on the show today. He lost by 2 and a half hot dogs, which is odd, Adam feels. In his opinion, if you start measuring hot dogs in fractions, it’s a very slippery slope. It might just be because he grew up in a certain kind of household, though. He just doesn’t leave certain kinds of food behind. Example: never leave a smoothie unfinished.

Bringing food back from the restaurant is a fine line too, the crew agrees. Teresa always feels a bit ashamed of it, especially when the restaurant wraps it up in some kind of specially shaped box, and then you have to wind your way through while wielding that box. Adam doesn’t get things wrapped to go for a different reason altogether — he totally fails to bring the thing back home once it’s boxed. It’s a curious phenomenon, too. It’s almost as if his mind doesn’t see the food sitting there on the table, because he’s so stuffed. His eyes are totally glossed over when it comes to looking at anything you eat.

6:08 SURPRISE PARTY

Over the weekend, Adam had to attend a surprise party over at Kimmel’s house. It made him realize that surprise parties are only fun for the person being surprised. The rest of the attendees are put through hellish torture during the long, seemingly endless buildup towards the surprise. They have to park far away, and sit hunched over in the living room for hours on end, and endure the constant shushing and moving from room to room.

The real problem at these things, he feels, is the parking. Everyone can’t just pull up in the driveway and park there. You have to work out a strategy ahead of time, but nobody ever thinks to do it. His personal strategy is to take a car that doesn’t belong to him.

6:28 THE CAR WASH

They had the annual Adam Carolla Charity Car Wash on Friday, so they take some calls from people who went out there and checked it out.

6:48 OZZIE’S MATING CALL

Ozzie has a noise he makes when he wants his wife to come there, or when it’s time for them to go, etc. Adam feels like that is an amazing idea.

A listener, Amanda, calls up and adds that her mom had a noise to summon the kids.

6:51 OZZIE REVIEWS INVINCIBLE

Ozzie went and saw the new Disney movie Invincible over the weekend, and he’s in studio to review it.

7:08 NEWS

Teresa covers the news.

A commuter jet in Kentucky crashed, killing 49 people.

Conan O’Brien hosted the Emmy Awards, and Adam relates a tale of a run-in he’s had with him. “He’s a puss,” Adam declares. He and Dr. Drew did Conan a few years back, and it went fine. Years later, he did Conan alone.

7:20 SPORTS

Dave brings it home with the sports news.

Baseball season has a month to go, but let’s face it, he says — it’s over in a week. Football season starts next week!

He’s been getting a lot of emails from people asking him, “Dave, why aren’t you talking about the Little League World Series?” He’ll tell us all why. He doesn’t like it. Sure, you might catch yourself on video making a game-winning save, and you’ll have that forever. But what if you let the ball go through your legs? You have to deal with that shame for the rest of your life.

7:25 THE FOXIEST ATTENDEE OF THE EMMIES

It’s time for Dave to proclaim the foxiest lady at the Emmys last night.

First nominee — Maria Menounos.

Next up, Evangeline Lily.

The next nominee, Jaime Pressley.

Lastly, Ellen Pompeo.

And the winner is… wait, it’s a write-in candidate… Dave’s beautiful bride, Cindi.

7:35  JOEY CHESTNUT

Joey Chestnut, the man who took 2nd in the 4th of July hot dog eating contest against Kobayashi, is in the studio.  Dave thinks it took a lot of guts for him to show up today, especially after the way he shamed our country on July 4th.  Joey says that he, unlike his competitor Kobayashi who did 53 and 3/4 hot dogs in 12 minutes, isn’t a professional eater.  He’s just a contractor.  But his body has to be in good shape to be able to take the rigors of eating food competitively like he does.

Kobayashi calls into the show to taunt Joey Chestnut.

Adam asks Joey if someone barfs during the competition, does that mean that they’re out of the competition.  Joey says no, as long as it is reconsumed.

Adam thinks that this is why the rest of the world hates us:  we come up with eating competitions to amuse us while everyone else survives on dung beatles and roots.

7:54  MORE WITH JOEY CHESTNUT

Joey holds the American hot dog eating record, at 52 hot dogs in 12 minutes.  He’s going to go for sixty next time around.  He mentions to Adam that Kobayashi makes about $50,000 a year eating competitively, so people can make money working eating competitions for a living.

Big Tad is going to get a chance to eat competitively in a rib eating contest against Joey Chestnut in September.

Joey is going to do a demonstration in-studio eating hot dogs.  They’ve set the timer for 15 seconds for him to eat three dogs.

8:20 EMMY TALK

Teresa recaps the Emmy Award ceremony last night, including a funny song by Conan O’Brien. Dave flips out about the Steve Carrel upset — he feels Steve should’ve taken the  Best Actor in a Comedy award, but it slid to Tony Shaloub, for Monk.

8:40 DENNIS HOF

Dennis Hof, owner of the World Famous Bunny Ranch, joins Adam and Co. in studio, along with Ron Jeremy, and the beautiful Brooke.

8:58  MORE WITH DENNIS HOF

Denis talks to Big Tad about coming down to the Bunny Ranch to get over his 3 year slump with not being with a woman.  Adma tells Big Tad that he can only go to the Bunny Ranch if they can record the events that will happen.

9:17 NEWS AND SPORTS RECAP

Teresa covers the news, and Dave covers the sports.

9:37 THE PRISONER

David, a prisoner in a California State Correctional Facility, calls up to do his Monday morning check-in. Apparently, there’s been some drama in the prison. Someone’s radio got stolen. And it got stolen by a cellmate. It’s a bit of a mystery to Adam, but he’ll let it continue. They talk to the “plaintiff” and the “defendant”, and the prisoners want Adam to preside over the matter.

The defendant is alleging that the plaintiff’s radio was taken by the prison guards. The plaintiff accuses the defendant of stealing it. The story doesn’t hold up for the plaintiff because the guards won’t just take stuff from you; they’ll tell you they took it, or they’ll leave a hand receipt behind.

Adam doesn’t know that he can settle this over the phone, but he does know one thing: next week, they’re going to hear the other side of the story, and it’s most likely going to end with the show sending them out a new radio.