ADAM WITH RICH EISEN, DAVE’S MOM AND ADAM’S DAD — 5am to 10am PST, September 7, 2006

Dial 866-901-ADAM(2326) to call into The Adam Carolla Show!

6:00 ENERGY PATROL

As per usual, when Adam got home yesterday, he stormed around the house turning lights off. And when he went into the nanny room to shut that light off, he heard a shriek. It was the nanny, in there clipping the baby’s toenails. After he turned the lights back on, the nanny asked Adam what was going on between Teresa and his buddy Ray.

6:05 OUTBOOK AUGUST

Yesterday, the Outbook August in September contest kicked off with a bang — Willie Nelson. Going forward, Intern Jaron has already booked Tony Hawk for the San Diego show, in person.

6:20 TECHNOLOGY SUCKS

They’re wanting to play a game of What Can’t Adam Complain About, but they can’t, because the phones aren’t working. This is reminding Adam of his Internet at home. It’s been down for a day and a half now, and it’s disrupting Adam’s whole life.

Engineer Scott comes in and says to try one call, and see if it works.

6:30 WHAT CAN’T ADAM COMPLAIN ABOUT?

How can you complain about working with Teresa Strasser? Adam’s one of those people who gets along with people because he’s a good guy, or because he’s their boss, or because he’s this or that… he just gets along with everyone for some reason.

A Sunday afternoon nap. Adam loves his naps, but every time you wake up from one, it’s a crap shoot. You’re either wide awake and ready to take on the day, or you’re groggy and you’re sporting a CRAZY BONER.

Mother Theresa. “Oh, that bitch.” She’s a great woman, but a horrible lover. Also, she died around the same time that Princess Di passed away, and society seemed to think Princess Di was the bigger story.

6:38 WHERE’S DAVE DAMESHEK?

The show comes back from break, and Dave isn’t in his chair. Where is he, everybody wonders? Bryan cues up a little Virtual Dave, and Adam pontificates on how their commercial breaks are much shorter now, so sometimes people have to rush back.

Finally, he comes back in. He declares that commercial time is Dave Time, and he doesn’t have to answer to anybody.

6:41 NEWS

Teresa covers the news.

6:52 SPORTS

Dave covers the sports.

6:54 THE SAN DIEGO REPORTER

John, a FOX11 reporter from San Diego, got confronted and brutally beaten yesterday while following a story about real estate fraud. He calls Adam up to tell the story of how he was assaulted.

7:15 AN OUTBOOK AUGUST ALERT

Mike August has just called to inform the show that he’s booked The Rock for a phone interview next week. Here’s the pathetic part, Dave says. Mike now has to call in and tell us he’s got phone guests booked for the following week.

7:18 PARIS HILTON

Paris Hilton had her first DUI yesterday in Hollywood, and the real tragedy, Adam says, is the car she was driving — a McLaren Mercedes. That car is about $250-400k, and it’s far, far more car than someone like her would ever need, nor would she ever appreciate it. It makes him sick to think of all those foreign engineers, spending so much time, and devoting so much energy to perfecting the most engineered vehicle on the face of the planet, just to have it wind up in the hands of a spoiled rich girl.

The real question, Dave says, is this: would Adam lay down with Paris if given the chance? Because a lot of people feel she’s unattractive. He’d do it, Adam says, but just for the car.

7:35 TERESA’S EX-FILES

Another one of Teresa’s ex-boyfriends, Steve, is in studio this morning. He’s an absolute mountain of a man, Dave says — at least 6′6″ or 6′7″. Teresa was actually dating someone else when she met Steve, but he swept in and played the “shoulder to cry on.”

The first question, of course, is about the oral. It’s been stated that Teresa gives world class oral. Steve can definitely confirm that.

Back in the day, Steve got a call from Teresa. And, it was because Teresa had gotten a different kind of call. A “male stripper” called her up and said “A friend of yours hired me to strip for you, what’s your address?” She told the guy, then called Steve and said, “can you please come over and be ready, just in case something happens?” She then explained what was going on. Steve yelled at her; don’t you realize that this is a scam? She said she did realize that it might be, but it would be great fodder to write about. Long story short, the guy came over, and asked if he could touch himself. The guy finished himself off in front of her. After it was all over, Teresa got Hollywood Vice involved and actually brought the guy down.

Valerie calls up. She says she dated Steve, and Steve confirms that he does know Valerie. She met him on MySpace about four or five years ago, and he went back to her place. They were having a little fun, and Valerie was ready to “get going” with him, but suddenly, he had to go. He got weird, and started sweating, and demanded food — “I have to eat”, he declared. She got him a MetRx bar, and he ate it, but then he had to leave anyway. Steve, in his defense, points out that he hadn’t eaten in eight hours, and he had the shakes. They never spoke again.

8:07 RAY

Adam’s friend Ray calls up, just to confirm that he’s still going out with Teresa this weekend.

8:16 RICH EISEN

Rich Eisen from the NFL Network is on the blower to talk a little sports on the first day of the 2006-2007 season. Adam can’t help but think that Rich looks just like Carson Daly, somehow. Maybe they don’t look alike so much, but Adam thinks of Carson when he sees Rich.

Tonight, the big game that kicks off the season is the Miami Dolphins versus the Pittsburgh Steelers. What’s the spread on that, Adam asks? Rich chuckles; there’s no spread on national games like this, he says — you pick a winner. Who does Rich like, Dave asks? He’s liking the Dolphins tonight, and if they get through the first quarter okay, they’ll take it home.

8:34 THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW TRIVIA CHALLENGE

It’s time to play another round of The Adam Carolla Show Trivia, this time featuring Adam’s dad Jim, and Dave’s mom Mo Dameshek.

Question number one: Who did Teresa replace on the show?
Neither of them know. Correct answer: Rachel Perry

Question number two: What is the name of the sound effects guy?
Mo calls out Bryan, and that’s correct.

Question number three: Who is the only black staffer?
Mo yells Jaron, and that’s correct.

Question number four: Who is the gay staff member?
They start to read a list of choices, but Mo blurts out Bill.

And the final question… What is the name of the show that follows this one?
Mo says Heidi, Frosty and Frank. Close enough, they say.

8:53 PEREZ HILTON

Perez Hilton calls up to talk to Adam. He was out at Carmen Electra’s charity event last night along with Paris Hilton, who was pulled over and arrested last night for a DUI in Hollywood. She had been out filming a music video all day, Perez says, and then she went to this party, had one drink, and then left. She hadn’t eaten all day, and she was actually on her way to the In-and-Out Burger.

9:09 JARON BOOKS AGAIN

Jaron has done it again — he’s managed to book Stephen Baldwin for the show, in studio. Remember, whoever brings in the best guests, gets $10,000 at the end of the month.

9:11 NEWS AND SPORTS RECAP

Teresa recaps the news and Dave recaps the sports.

9:38 BRUSCA’S FRIEND STEVEN

Steven, an old friend of Jim Brusca, calls up to tell some high school stories. Back in the day, they were on their high school senior trip to Disney World in Florida. They saw this couple fighting, and Brusca, being the nice guy he is, walked up and said hello. Turns out, the guy was fighting with his girlfriend, and it turned on Brusca. The guy yelled to get the F out of his face, and it pissed Brusca off, so it degraded quickly into some kind of a brawl at the Epcot Center.