ADAM WITH TARIQ NASHEED — 5am to 10am PST, October 3, 2006
6:00 SOMETHING’S HAPPENED
Something’s happened on television lately, Adam says. He first noticed on CSI, but it’s spread to these surgical shows, and shows ilke Fear Factor. It’s things that are so gross, you have to put your hand up and look away. Yet, somehow, we can’t show nudity. The amount of and tolerance for nudity and sexual content on television has actually gone down. And yet, he can tune into CSI, and see someone holding a human eyeball. Or he can tune into Survivor and see someone face-first in some bloody entrails, ripping at them with their teeth. On the same show, they’ll blur our some ass crack. “WHO MADE THIS DECISION, WHO ARE THEY, AND WHERE ARE THEY,” Adam bellows. He absolutely cannot take it anymore.
6:19 WHAT CAN’T ADAM COMPLAIN ABOUT?
It’s time for a spirited round of What Can’t Adam Complain About — listeners call in, give Adam a topic, and he’ll complain about it.
Electricity — It’s a killer. Ask any lineman that’s given his life up on that pole.
Turning left on the red arrow — It’s liberating, but also, it’s nerve-wracking, because you’re breaking the law.
Cool, brisk, autumn mornings, with the smell of burning fireplaces — Can’t complain about that, Adam says, but he can complain that after the show yesterday, he went outside, and he was baking. And that’s on the WEST SIDE. He couldn’t even imagine how hot it was in the Valley.
Free alcohol and an open bar — Open bar means a long line. People load up at an open bar, they can’t just get a glass of wine. Plus, everybody gets super drunk.
6:39 ADAM’S GOING TO HELL
A “Reverend” calls up to tell Adam he’s evil. Adam definitely thinks this is a bogus call. Teresa tries to get him to name the books of the bible, but he can’t do it. Definitely bogus, Adam says.
6:43 NEWS
Teresa covers the news.
6:58 SPORTS
Dave covers the sports.
Baseball playoffs begin today, and the World Series is right around the corner. It’s time for Dave to make his World Series picks. His guess? The New York Yankees and the Los Angeles Dodgers.
7:14 MASSAGE TALK
Adam got a gift certificate for a massage, and he finally cashed it in on Saturday. He wants to hear some thoughts from people on massages. The funny thing about massages, he thinks, is that they are a lot like sunglasses, or chapsticks. You can go your whole life, and never get one, and be fine, and never think about it. But as soon as you pop the cork, you can’t go back. You’re going to keep wanting the massages, and you’re going to keep wearing the sunglasses.
The guys who need massages the most never get them, either, Adam knows. Blue collar workers who are always doing heavy lifting will never get one, and have never gotten one. But some housewife sitting around eating bon-bons will declare that she’s stressed, and needs to get one.
Nick calls up. He “let a massive fart go” during a massage. This Thai woman was working him over, from his thigh, up to his back, over the course of ten minutes. Suddenly, this huge fart just came out. All he could do was cringe and practically curl up into a fetal position.
Linda, a massuse, calls up. People break wind during massages all the time, she says.
Another listener comes on the line, who actually had an orgasm during a massage. It happened so suddenly, he says. “It always does,” Teresa quips. The massuse was working his quads, and suddenly, she swept into the… interior. She starts working into the soft part, and she brushed against his member a little… and it all happened. The next time he went back, they insisted that he wear underwear. “YOU WENT BACK?!” Teresa is shocked.
Leslie, a friend of Teresa’s, calls in. She’s a massage therapist, now, who is also married to a massuse. How long does it take to get a license for this, Adam wonders? It can be as few as 100 hours to get licensed. What’s the worst story she’s got, they ask? She’s… had a drooler. She took it as a compliment.
Dan had a massuse make fun of him. When he went to the massage place, there would be these younger girls that did the actual massaging, and then some older girl would come “finish him off.” But the first girls, the younger ones that actually massaged him, would constantly ridicule his body.
Elizabeth was getting a massage, and had her MASSUSE fart during the rub-down! It was one of the most mortifying experiencse of her life, she says. Usually, she would prefer a female massuse, but somehow, she ended up with a man. And he just let it fly.
Kristen got a massage with her new husband, when they were on their honeymoon in Jamaica. They weren’t in the same room; they were in separate stalls. And the entire time she was getting rubbed down, all she could hear was her husband MOANING in the stall next to her. It sounded… sexual. And he claimed that he wasn’t moaning.
Dave has to put a stop to this, and take issue with Adam, and all these callers who have gotten massages. He’s gotten it once, and he didn’t like it. It seems so… indulgent. “Who are you, the King of Siam?”
8:06 TARIQ NASHEED
Tariq Nasheed, mack daddy and author of several “How to be a Mack’ books, joins Adam in the studio. He’s got a new book out called Player Be Played, a book for women, and in a month or so, he’s got another one coming out, teaching women about how to be Gold Diggers.
Intern Jaron comes into the studio. He’s moving into a new apartment, and he needs a lady. Where’s he looking, Tariq wonders? Everywhere, Jaron says. Teresa has to chime in. She feels like Jaron is incredibly good looking, and intelligent, but he gets a little too… intoxicated.
They took a little role-playing with Jaron and Teresa, to see what, if any, skills Jaron has. Not any, it seems.
What about cheating, Adam asks? Are there any tells for when a guy is cheating? There’s a few different kinds of cheating, Tariq says. One kind is the mother/child relationship. In this, the guy is being treated like a kid in his relationship, so he goes and cheats just to get back at her.
The second kind is the “delayed player.” This guy never got any play in high school, but now he can get some, and he’s going to do it. Every man goes through a player stage. He has to, Tariq thinks. Adam hopes his wife is listening.
They take some calls from listeners for Tariq, and he dispenses some of his unique brand of advice.
9:01 NEWS AND SPORTS RECAP
Teresa and Dave recap the news and sports.
9:23 HAWAIIAN TROPIC GIRL
Adam thinks that Dave Dameshek and the Hawaiian Tropic Girl were cut out of the same cloth. Their favorite movie is “Dirty Dancing,” and they have a lot of similar aspirations and goals and favorite colors.
Adam notes that beautiful women love other beautiful women, and no one wil say anything if they “dabble” a little.
Adam and the gang ask about the competition. She tells them that there’s a talent competition and usually they prance around in bikinis.
9:38 THE PESO PYRAMID
It’s time to play a little of Oswaldo’s Peso Pyramid, with Ozzie. Listeners call in to play the game, which is just like the old “50 Thousand Dollar Pyramid”, but with Ozzie.
