Adam with Tom Vander Ark, Jeff Probst, Kate Flannery, and Redban – February 21, 2007

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6:01AM – ADAM TAKES ON DUMP GUY LANCE

Adam is upset with the dump guy Lance, having yelled at him in the hall earlier this morning. The problem boils down to the overbearing watchdog nature of the FCC about inappropriateness on-air. “Jack Silver is paranoid […] but it gains interest as it trickles down. Watch what – I don’t know, but if it’s close, dump it,” Adam rants. He advises, “Do not take one of these jobs where nobody says anything until something goes bad. Air traffic controller, mover, dump guy.” But Adam’s problem isn’t with the job itself, but rather the way the situation went down. “I do mind the part where we’ve moved on and you still feel the need to explain to me. Radio has no hierarchy. You could say anything you want and you could get into it anyway you want, but once the segment is over, you don’t need to stop me in the hall,” Adam says.

Adam explains Lance’s latest infraction: the word climax got dumped from Teresa’s strip-o-gram story yesterday? Lance says that he did remove that particular word, among other things. “I give you guys a longer leash during the show, and then come back and clean it up so that it never gets aired again,” explains Lance. But Adam has a problem with words like climax being dumped – “What it does is instead of a 90% joke, we have a 40% joke,” Adam explains. And in fact, climax is not a word that does not necessarily need to be removed, but there’s no cheat sheet from the FCC. I know you have a thankless job, but please try not to land on the punch line, Adam pleds.

6:30AM – TOM VANDER ARK, X PRIZE FOUNDATION PRESIDENT

“We’re capable of everything and we’re capable of nothing, “ Adam says in a zen-like moment. A former employee, Thad, had the reputation of not having done anything the entire time he was employed at the station. When Adam offered a $10,000 prize for whoever booked the best guest on the show, Thad booked Howard Stern, won the $10,000, and then didn’t do anything else for the rest of the year.

This is something that Tom Vader Ark, X Prize Foundation President understands very well. When Peter Diamandis couldn’t go to space, he instead launched a prize to figure out how to launch personal space flights. The winning designer Burt Rutan’s final work was “a lame looking rocket, but it got the job done,” Adam decides. “We’re getting into awarding big prizes to big problems,” Tom says. Teresa asks about the current prize, mapping the human genome. The upcoming prize to be launched later this year is focused on super-efficient cars. The purse size hasn’t been decided yet, but it may be even larger than $10 million offered for the space flight problem.

Adam raises a good point though – Burt and company end up losing money on the development of the spaceship. But they’ve opened up a whole new industry and kept the intellectual rights, points out Tom.

Danny wonders about the marketability of personal space flight, as Danny’s own invention, a version of baby weights where you work out in the morning using the resistance of your child in the swing ran into some problems. The guy he spoke to told him the product appealed to such a small market, he would have a problem selling enough to turn a profit. For the car competition though, the automotive market is huge. Tom says that in addition to being super efficient at 100+ mpg, it also needs to be functional and marketable to consumers.

Tom explains that most of the prize monies come from wealthy individuals that want to change the world or foundations. That’s better than giving it to an orphanage, says Adam, because with that you just get more orphans. The Department of Energy has endorsed the prize, but I think this will be a David vs Golith type of competition – new inventors going up against large car companies, Tom says. “We think America is ready for a change. What we need is innovative technologies in cars that people will buy,” he explains.

Other potential prizes to be launched: cure cancer, beat NASA back to the moon, and reduce poverty in developing countries by encouraging entrepreneurship. With the auto competition, they hope to have something in production by 2009.

6:57AM – REPLAY FROM YESTERDAY’S SHAVING BONADUCE

Adam replays a clip from the head-shaving turned genital-shaving segment from yesterday’s show. Caller Marlene decided she wasn’t going to shave her head to go to Vegas after all, so as an alternative to win the trip, Marlene shaved Danny’s junk.

7:07AM – TERESA STRASSER REPORTS THE NEWS

The Anna Nicole Smith hearing continues in Florida, thought Danny’s unsure what color her corpse may be now. Fox News played the video featuring Anna Nicole in her clown makeup, seven months pregnant. Adam and Danny discuss the sheer weirdness of dating Anna Nicole and NOT having sex with her. Teresa interviewed one of Anna Nicole’s friends who had a disturbing theory – that Stern had sex with Anna Nicole while she was so high she didn’t even realize it. In court, Stern admits that Smith was prescribed drugs for depression. On TMZ, there are pictures of Smith and her prescribing doctor together, supposedly naked.

In non-Smith news, Jerry Springer announced the new contestants for Dancing with the Stars.

7:33AM – JEFF PROBST, SURVIVOR HOST

The ‘reigning champion of ass-kick rodeo’ and host of Survivor, Jeff Probst, joins the show in the studio. After 14 seasons of Survivor, the show is still going really well. “The big thing this season is have and have nots – one tribe seems to have everything,” shares Jeff. Teresa asks if he ever just gets bored of being on the island, but Jeff says experiencing the nuances of human nature are what keep him coming back every season.

Adam is adamant that the show showcases what not to do in life as well as when stuck on a desert island. Jeff says that the casting has been done a little differently in recent seasons, as it’s a show that mostly white people apply for. “Because we’re going out looking for people, they don’t know the show, they don’t know the strategy,” shares Jeff, but it makes for interesting TV.

Adam has a couple of suggestions for spicing up the show: gay versus straight and a pedophile version. Jeff is dating a former contestant from the show, but this particular office romance seems to be going well. “For me, it’s romantic. I mean, we were stuck on this island…” Jeff says.

A little know fact, all the contestants are provided with condoms and are thoroughly tested for STDs, among other diseases. Danny shares that a friend of his was working on a game show where they lost 70% of their female contestants to herpes. Inspired, Adam comes up with another show theme: people riddled with disease versus drug addicts.

A caller gives some kudos to Jeff’s hosting style, so Jeff explains how he got the Survivor gig in the first place. He was unhappy with the types of shows he was doing, so he changed agents and heard about the Survivor gig while driving down the 405 and listening to show creator Mark Burnett coincidentally on Free FM.

8:00AM – CAUGHT TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS

On CNN this morning, there was an interview with a man whose was house was broken into by a man with a sword while he was masturbating to porn. The story is that the guy was playing the porn at such a decibel, his neighbor thought a woman was in trouble and kicked down the door. In any case, the masturbating man called the police and contacted CNN. “If somebody busted into my house and stole a kilo of heroin, I wouldn’t pick up the phone,” decides Adam.

Danny says that while Gretchen doesn’t allow porn in the house, he has to listen to muted porn in a very exact spot in his gym. Adam has a question for the callers – have you been busted while dating care of business? He doesn’t think anyone will be able to top that story, but Danny thinks there’s a listener out there with a more impressive ‘caught in the act’ story.

8:16AM – CAUGHT SPANKIN’ IT STORIES

Adam takes stories from callers who got caught wankin’ it. One guy’s buddy has an immense collection of hard core porn, so the guy picks something and gets down to it – but is interrupted by his buddy’s mom and sister walking into the room. The mom slapped him and the sister started going off on him. See, this is how you know porn is fake, says Adam. “In a porn, the woman would lick her finger and start rubbing her boob.”

Caller Eric got caught by a priest in a confessional at 15. Adam says, “You taking care of yourself before confessing is kinda like eating a pie before starting a diet.” Adam understands though – “When you’re a 15 year old boy, it hits when it hits.” Danny adds, “By the way, a funeral’s not an entire turnoff.”

Another caller got caught by a fellow shipman. Between the close quarters and 19-year-old guys with GEDs, Adam decides being in the Navy is just a recipe for disaster in this case. “Besides, you’re called seaman…” Adam says.

8:37AM – KATE FLANNERY

Kate plays Meredith Palmer, the ‘boozy red-head’ on The Office. Kate and Danny worked together on the stage production of The Brady Bunch where Danny too made a brief cameo as the drunken red-head. Adam too has a connection to the show – while back in his crappy house in La Cresenta, his former roommate was in the show and went on the road. It was a rough time for Adam, but looking back he has a couple regrets. “If somebody had said to me, don’t worry – you’ll be rich in a couple years – I wouldn’t have worried,” says Adam, “but you don’t know that!”

Kate is also involved with American Idol Unauthorized, a VH1-like show with a whole bunch of quick cuts that you don’t want to watch but somehow end up watching anyways. “I kept saying why does everybody on American Idol have to be so young? Let’s have another older show called American Early Idol,” Kate says.

8:55AM – AMERICAN IDOL RECAP AND WICKED

Teresa took Adam’s tickets to see the musical Wicked last night because Adam’s wife was sick. Every once in a while, Adam decides they should go see a musical – so his wife had him call to get tickets to the musical. Even though Lynette told Adam to go without her, Adam felt bad so he gave the tickets to Teresa. However, after he got home and took a nap, Lynette felt fine and had her hair done for the occasion – but was crushed that Adam gave the tickets away.

Teresa recaps last night’s American Idol competition.

9:12AM – BLACK HISTORY MONTH

Texas Tony hit the streets with a tape recorder to hear white guys answer questions about black people for Black History Month. When asked who his favorite black guy is, some drunk white guy says, “Tupac – cause he’s dead.” Teresa asks what Randy’s catch phrase “good lookin’ out” means exactly – turns out it’s thank you. So he’s using it correctly, says Adam. Not everybody Tony interviews is an idiot – one gal correctly identifies what NAACP stands for. One guy got pretty much all the questions wrong – expect he knew the Beach Boys sang the song “Kokomo.” Vince Scully however, who is ‘blacker than black’ and pretty wasted, doesn’t seem to know the question answers either.

9:23AM – TERESA STRASSER RECAPS THE NEWS

In news nobody cares about, Britney Spears is back in rehab.

Teresa recaps the rest of the news.

9:40AM – CARLOS MENCIA VS. JOE ROGAN

Guest Redban has shot all the clips of the Carlos Mencia jokes, so he’s in the studio to lend some insight to the Carlos Mencia vs. Joe Rogan feud. He was the guy holding the camera when Mencia and Rogan argued onstage at the Comedy Store.

Do you find him to be a joke thief, asked Teresa. “It seems like no matter where you went, it seemed like people were always saying Carlos Mencia stole this,” says Redman. In fact, it’s not only Rogan that Mencia seems to have stolen jokes from – Adam plays some clips from comics Dave Chappelle and Bill Hicks that sound remarkably like Mencia’s bits.

“Is there anything you can do legally?” asks Adam. When a comedian does a bit on stage, it’s not like publishing a song. Rogan has elected himself as representative of all comedians against other comedians ripping off material. Danny clears up the question – you can’t copyright a joke, but if he can prove that Carlos called him a liar, he can sue for libel. Teresa reminds everybody that Mencia should have the opportunity to come on the show and defend himself – which he is welcome to do.

9:56AM – ADAM WRAPS UP THE SHOW