Adam with Fake Bonaduce, Deaf Frat Guy, Ozzie and Ray, Freddy Roach, and Jenna Putnam – May 4, 2007
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6:01AM – QUESTIONS FROM THE CROWD
Adam is broadcasting his live show, the Cinco De Mayo Wave Party, in San Diego at the Wave House. Unfortunately, they’re missing Mr. Danny Bonaduce as he’s in Philly attending the funeral of the aunt who helped kick his ass into gear and clean himself up.
In other news, Adam announces that his son Sonny will be getting his helmet later today and will have to wear it for six months to reshape his yam-ish head. Knowing his demographic, Adam promises to put lighting bolts on the side.
Ozzie heads out into the crowd with the mic to get some questions from the crowd. The first is an obvious: What happened to Producer Angie’s nose?
DFG reveals that Danny punched her in the face – “What sick F would do that to a lady?” Angie herself clears up the rumors, as she had her nose done.
Another question is about the missing Bonaduce – what’s up with his voice? Adam says that Danny’s planning on having surgery to fix it, but it seems Danny told T he’s thinking of going to Mexico for a medically induced coma because he has to give up smoking for a week after the surgery – and that’s the only way it’s gonna happen.
And of course, there’s the Teresa-centric “Are you single?” and “Can I F T’s V?” questions – the second of which is very romantic in and of itself.
Final question is politial: When will Adam run for President and will Bonaduce be your running mate? Adam decides to run in 08 with the question asker, Surfer Joe, as the running mate. He’s not sure of the platform, but “just start running and I’ll catch up with ya.”
6:18AM – CRANK YANKERS
Deaf Frat Guy is present and dressed up for a change – apparently he’s judging the first annual Delta Fu Pageant later tonight. Adam plays a Crank Yankers call of DFG angry at a pet store because his fighting fish lost to another fish. Adam wants to play a never before played call by David Alan Grier, but needs to remind everybody of a special DAG talent – simultaneously vomiting and carrying on a conversation. This particular call has DAG trying to convert to Judaism.
Adam explains why Danny’s gone and that they want to get somebody out of the crowd to replace him for the show. DFG however still harbors some pretty harsh feelings against Danny, as he’s still convinced that Danny stole his job. In any case, looking for a replacement, there’s one candidate that’s so s-faced, they’re not sure if they can control him. But in the Bonaduce-off, there’s no telling what’s going to happen exactly.
6:36AM – THE BONADUCE-OFF
Seeking a replacement for Bonaduce, the contestants Teresa and Adam pull from the crowd have classic Bonaduce drops played for them and they have to try and replicate them. The contestants all are doing their best impressions – “I feel like all anybody had to do to win this contest is swallow some sand,” says Adam.
Contestant Kevin however, isn’t even trying – he sounds exactly like Bonaduce all the time no matter what. Contestant Redman is so drunk however, that the real Bonaduce even called in to say that the guy sounded too drunk to participate.
The next task requires the contestants to answer questions as Danny would – and contestant Doug blows the rest of the guys out of the water. They decide to let the fake Bonaduce Doug sit in on the news as a prize and throw in a t-shirt and Marlboro Reds as an added bonus.
Adam plays another Crank Yankers call about somebody trying to answer an ad they placed.
7:00AM – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS WITH FAKE BONADUCE
It seems that Don Imus is going to sue CBS Radio.
Teresa reports some results about women’s breasts and percentages of flashing and then recaps the American Idol results with Blake’s very original rendition of “You Give Love A Bad Name.”
A teacher in Hillsboro, Oregon stole a girl’s jacket and resold it on Ebay. She would have gotten away with it if the girl’s mother hadn’t found the listing as well and put two and two together. The teacher was charged with computer crime and theft.
Ice-T is against the move to ban the n word from hip-hop.
7:16AM – WHAT CAN’T ADAM COMPLAIN ABOUT
Trying to stump the king of all complainers, Adam Carolla, the audience throws out a couple of topics that would be nearly impossible for anybody else to find something to complain about. From the De La Hoya/Mayweather fight to the Wave House to Deaf Frat Guy to Mr. Bonaduce not being here to Teresa Strasser, Adam succeeds in finding some fault or annoyance in all.
7:36AM – HOME IMPROVEMENT QUESTIONS
After playing another Crank Yankers call by Dave Chappell, Adam takes on home improvement questions from the audience.
There’s a couple of plumbing questions, how to hang things from the ceiling, and a couple more people hitting on Teresa as well as Teresa trying to pick up the cute ones.
7:55AM – DFG DELTA FU COMPETITION
There are quite a few women all vying to be the next Miss Delta Fu. Contestants include: Melody, 5’1” wearing a bikini top with a “cute little dumper,” Tricia – the beautiful Italian queen who doesn’t think her boyfriend is cheating on her even though he’s in Italy. DGF asks a couple of preliminary questions: what kind of tree would you be and more importantly, are you shaved down there?
April with a DD-cup and a bit of a goth look – but to Maverick, it doesn’t matter if they’re real or fake. Contestant Jordan has what Teresa would term one of the nicest asses she’s ever seen. Her best friend, and another contestant, looks exactly like Tara Reid so they decide to call her the fake Tara Reid.
With some discussion about whether the girls’ racks are real or not, given there are copious amounts of liquor flowing, it ends in some flashing and some touch-based tests.
“I feel like Jordan is to this contest as Melinda Doolittle is to American Idol: she’s way ahead,” notes Teresa.
Contestant Lily is asked whether she’s green with envy, blue with sadness, or redhot with passion – Lily, while confused about the whole contest, picks the correct answer.
“I need a break, I feel like my head’s about to explode,” says Maverick, so they take a break before crowing a Miss Delta Fu.
8:18AM – DFG DELTA FU COMPETITION CROWNS A WINNER
They’re going to determine a finalist from the Miss Delta Fu Competition, but Adam delays with a quick Crank Yankers call.
Back to the competition, DFG struggles with the decision for who should be crowned the winner. One of the girls comes out in front by declaring that Adam Carolla is her God. Finally, DFG decides on Jordan and the Tara Reid look alike – a 2-for-1 package as the girls are best friends. They are presented with their crown and sash – the very classy batting helmet with two beers on each side and toilet paper with Sharpie.
Adam gives them a send off with a custom Strip-o-Gram.
8:29AM – FREDDY ROACH, CRANK YANKERS, AND RAY’S BUTT ENEMA
De La Hoya’s boxing trainer, Freddy Roach calls in from a cell phone, but his phone is experiencing some issues so Adam asks him to call back. Adam plays another Crank Yankers call.
Adam decides to tell Ray’s Butt Enema story, but not without giving a warning clause to all listeners out there. Circa 1981 living out in North Hollywood, Ray and Adam used to break into this health club up on Mulholland, bring girls up, skinny dip, and such. Ray figured out that if he sat in a certain way in the hot tub, the jet could be directed exactly up his arse. And the result – it could then be propelled out at a high speed. “I’m like the Thomas Edison of enemas,” says Ray. However, upon discovering this new ability, he becomes drunk with power and must share it with the rest of the Valley. But how so? No Jacuzzi at the Carolla house…but there is a hose.
They decide that it would be fun to fill Ray’s butt with water and then drive through the drive-through at Jack in the Box – but as Ray can’t drive a stick, Adam had to drive. However, upon arrival at Jack in the Box, Ray couldn’t pull the trigger – but that’s not the end of the story.
9:05AM – RAY’S BUTT ENEMA CONTINUED
After Ray hoists his ass out the window of the car at the drive-thru, the guy slowly closes the window. (The end of this story was disrupted by the distribution of cereal bars in the web room. If you want to know what happened to Ray’s butt, listen to the podcast. But be aware wanting to know that badly may also qualify you as slightly gay…).
Teresa recaps the news.
9:27AM – FREDDY ROACH BACK ON THE HORN, JENNA PUTNAM, AND A PROPOSAL
Freddy’s back with a better phone connection and details about De La Hoya’s weight. He’s also very optimistic about Oscar’s chances with the fight and he should know – he’s trained a long list of other boxing greats.
T asks about the no women before a fight rule – but it’s not so much a written rule as something fighters and other sports professionals do to preserve their concentration. Translation: Thinking about the sex you had the night before while you’re trying to punch the other guy in the face is not a winning strategy.
Jenna Putnam, Ms. Transworld Surf 06, won the swimsuit competition and has graced the live show with her presence. She’s also got DFG’s jacket on – does it mean a changing of the crown? No, drunk Maverick just creates a new category on the fly for the girl. T describes Jenna: a very young Farah Fawcett with the freckles and hair, but Adam disagrees.
Listener John comes out of the audience and proposes to his girlfriend Claudia live on the show and out of the blue, according to Claudia. The engagement ring has been provided by Robins Brothers and the honorary wedding funnel has been provided by DFG.
9:47AM – ANGEL ADAM, FAKE DEVIL DANNY
The audience comes to Adam and Fake Danny, seeking advice for moral dilemma. Adam, of course gives the good advice of what any moral person should do. Fake Danny however, gives voice to the desires everybody has, but our moral barometer prevents us from doing. Most of the time, the audience prefers Danny’s advice because it’s just more fun anyways. And who needs morals? Thanks to the Adam Carolla show – they’re negotiable between the hours of 6AM – 10AM.
Adam wraps up the show.
