Adam with Deaf Frat Guy, Lisa Lampanelli, Justin Guarini, Debra Norville – May 17, 2007
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6:01AM – CAVALCADE OF GAY
Bald Brian was mistaken for being gay last night by the Promotions Director because Adam always mentions something on air – even though he’s actually not. FHF’s Heidi is a pretty well-known lesbian and will be participating the in the gay pride parade
Adam and Danny relate being gay to racial discrimination as well, since there’s sometimes a chance that you’ll be treated differently, or even that it could ruin your career.
Adam did the parade once, while dressed up as the village people. Jimmy originally wanted a big banner saying “Hello Gays” on the float, but the program director saw right through that ploy. Danny’s a little bit dyslexic, and so every time the YMCA plays, he worries about F-ing it up.
They decide to take some callers for the bachelor party on the 31st. Danny has only a few goals in mind:
1. Meet obligation to the trannie
2. Have sex with a stripper
3. Met Mrs. Right
His selling points involve being really fun, really loaded, and probably due to die soon.
6:27AM – DESPERATE WOMEN FOR A DESPERATE MAN
They take some calls from some of the girls planning to go to Danny’s bachelor party. Caller Roxanne is 30-something, divorced and has no kids – so Adam offers her one of his. Shelby, who already has a hot name, says she’s busty and ready for Danny’s emotional vortex.
Danny adds another piece of criteria to the list for the next Mrs. Bonaduce: outside interests may actually be a strike against her.
Story for the type of guy that Danny is: When Danny was in rehab, his wife wouldn’t write him any letters. When the therapist finally told her she was killing him, she broke down, went to the store and bought a whole bunch of random greeting cards, wrote Day 1, Day 2 and so forth to catch up – and then mailed them all at once. When Danny got out, he walked 17 miles to the beach, bought her flowers, and then walked them home – because he said he would.
Caller Ann is Mexican but looks Hawaiian and happens to be building a church. Caller Evan wants to be there to catch the ‘overflow’ of women.
6:52AM – DFG SERVES DANNY
Deaf Frat Guy is in the studio and has finally decided that Danny is probably not behind the misprinted “Deaf Fart Guy” t-shirts. More likely it would have been his arch nemesis Blake Chambers
DFG is well experienced with the way of the cougar – and so enlightens the show about some of the famous cougars (Demi Moore) as well as the sexual behaviors of the cougars.
Adam recaps the story of the spring break at Lake Havasu where gypsies stole all of DFG & friends’ belongings.
Danny invites DFG to his bachelor party to try and put the tension between them aside – however DFG had brought a restraining order with him to the show that requires Danny must stand at least 5 feet away from at all times. Danny pushes the limits and agitates DFG, threatening to crush his skull. DFG resorts to trying to get Poochie’s uncle on the phone.
7:14AM – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS
Teresa reports the news.
7:40AM – LISA LAMPANELLI
Lisa Lampanelli is on the phone, calling from her new white boyfriend’s apartment in Queens. “What’s wrong with me Adam?” she asks.
Adam’s advice for Lisa – die your hair blonde and you can date the hot black guy. She’s also dating like she’s the old Lisa Lampanelli – short, blonde, with an extra 40 pounds rather than the new thin Lisa.
As a comedian, you wanna hate yourself, explains Adam, but as you get more famous, you get more soft. “Lisa, you must continue loathing yourself in order to continue being funny.” Lisa agrees – I’ll just have be tortured 23 hours of the day and then have fun 1 hour of the day. Without comedy, she’d probably be married with kids living in some suburb in Connecticut – which sometimes doesn’t sound so bad.
Adam invites her to his movie premiere and if anybody wants to see her live, go to insultcomic.com to check out the tour dates.
7:57AM – TERESA’S DATE RECAP
After a couple of Crank Yankers calls, we get to Teresa’s date recap. Her set-up, Andy, came over and picked her up, took her to the restaurant Vermont, and then Andy ordered all her food and drink. Andy’s apparently a foodie – and is on the phone to give his end. Apparently, they were at the dinner table from 7:30 or 8 to 11:30 or after – three hours plus of conversation on a date.
This guy may be just a little gay, but without the actual sleeping with a guy bit. Teresa says, he’s retro metro. While the date was a little contrived, Teresa’s decided he’s a very nice guy and a gentleman. Apparently though, Andy also told Teresa about Jimmy’s birthday present to him – wine and a birthday card that said, “Happy birthday you gay!”
Andy wants to go on a second date, and while Teresa was a little hesitant, she’s open to it as well.
A caller has a better suggestion – she needs T’s V Guide, cause she’s got a very interesting personality.
8:28AM – AMERICAN IDOL’S JUSTIN GUARINI
Justin Guarini is in the studio to talk about what he’s been doing since coming in second on the first season of American Idol, right behind Kelly Clarkson. Adam is wondering whether now that we’re a couple of seasons in, the number of people coming out to audition is much higher – thus the talent has a higher bar?
While living in Philly, Justin was a party performer, which reminds Adam of a time when he was desperate and almost became a
Danny realizes that since American Idol, he’s looking much better now – more like a man’s man. They decide it’s probably the lack of makeup, something that gets slathered on for the TV performances under the light.
Up next, Justin has the truth about Brian Dunkleman, T’s ex.
8:42AM – THE TEA CONTEST
Brian plays the best of his b-sides, then they return back to Justin Guarini in the studio. The scholarship fund he’s working with is kinda cool – upload a video about why you like tea on teaUSA.org, and enter to win a $20,000 academic scholarship.
Another secret – if you can call it that – that Justin lets the show in on: Ryan Seacrest is very good at what he does, but it was no secret that Ryan wanted to do the show by himself.
9:00AM – TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS
Teresa recaps the news.
9:20AM – DEBRA NORVILLE EXPLAINS PHIL SPECTOR
While waiting for Debra Norville, from Inside Edition, to jump on the phone, Adam plays another Crank Yankers call.
When Debra’s finally on the line, Adam showers her with compliments. “I’ll pay you the ultimate compliment: you never would have dated me in high school,” says Adam. Debra in high school was actually a flag twirler as well as a guard on the school basketball team.
Debra gives the lowdown on Phil Spector, which includes a tape from his assistant meant to prove his innocence and purity and some of the other footage of him where he takes the camera on a tour through his house make him look a little nuts – which is good for his defense. Bottom line: Phil is eccentric, but very well may be guilty according to the testimony of his driver and the fingerprints on the gun.
In the defense tape, Phil gives some reason about why he couldn’t have shot her – he’s only 5’5” and she was 5’7” in heels, but when you start to think about it, it’s not totally foolproof. The assistant who sold the tape also helped Spector film it, part of which features Phil in a crazy Hawaiian shirt, the unofficial attire of the insane.
9:43AM – DFG vs. DANNY REPLAY
Adam replays the altercation between DFG and Danny earlier in the show.
9:55AM – ADAM WRAPS UP THE SHOW
