Adam with Craig Shoemaker, Henry Rollins, Colin Quinn, Orel Hersheiser – May 18, 2007
6:01AM – GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF BONADUCE
Teresa finally got to go to Adam’s house and meet the babies. Adam’s wild about those kids, but in the Carolla family, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be into your family. Adam’s mom for example, was raised by the grandparents and thought her mom was a family friend for a long time.
Teresa goes on about the different personalities of the Carolla twins, while Danny explains being emotionally stunted when it comes to his family. This kinda boggles Adam’s mind as his family was so uninvolved in every aspect of his life, he can’t imagine why Danny’s mom – who drove him to hundreds of interviews – isn’t that important to Danny. “I don’t know if I’m capable of that kind of emotional attachment with anyone but me,” explains Danny.
While this is just now changing, Danny has also thought that his kids would be better off if he was dead, as Gretchen would be able to remarry and provide a really good life for them. In fact, Gretchen has gotten insistent that Danny go out and date simply because the sexual tension is killing her.
6:26AM – ADAM’S APATHETIC FAMILY
Adam is still talking about families and how he ended up being a horrible brother and son. For example, Jimmy and Adam have done the Feast of San Genaro about 6 years now and it’s a pretty big event, but Adam’s never mentioned a word about it to them – except once. His sister mentioned that she saw his picture at the supermarket, but had absolutely no idea what it was for. She finally remembers something about cheese, and Adam ends up explaining his involvement with the Feast of San Genaro. In the middle of explaining, his grandmother randomly pipes up with a factoid about Jon Bon Jovi’s charitable work, and that was the end of the conversation about San Genaro.
Another time, at dinner his mom asks for one reason to get basic cable. At this time, Adam was on two basic cable channels, but that’s not even mentioned. Someone says something about there being some cooking shows….and then the table moves on, with no mention of Adam’s shows.
Danny discusses his own family upbringing, especially his abusive father who would not only hit him. He was also verbally abusive to Danny, so when they do biographies about him, they have to make him a little nicer, since nobody would believe someone would be that cruel to a kid.
6:54AM – CRAIG SHOEMAKER
Many connections between Craig and the rest of the show today: he’s is a Philly boy, once had a teacher named Carolla who posed with an exposed nut sack. Thinking about it, Adam wonders if if could have been his uncle?
Craig played football in high school, but never really got a chance to play. Finally, his coach sent him in, and the even the announcer questioned it, “Craig Shoemaker?” All he wanted was a dirty uniform and for people to know his name.
Adam shares his experience in the Pop Warner football, complete with the short biking shorts and mental abuse. Craig rants about the baseball team his kids were on – and how different it is from what he experienced, as it is completely lacking in mental and physical abuse.
7:18AM – MORE SHOEMAKER
Craig’s performing at a venue with 1300 seats, but as Adam points out, you don’t need a visual eyeline as it’s comedy – you only need ears. Continuing on the dad theme, Craig’s dad has his own cult, leading them through the mountains on the backs of mules.
7:22AM – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS
David Hasselhof’s wife is hawking drunken footage of him for all it’s worth and sharing embarrassing stories.
Hearing the news that Kathy Griffin’s father died, Adam decides that 2TiVos is the key to a happy marriage – as his wife could be watching the View while he’s doing his own thing.
Last night on Scarborough Country, Adam had an idea about why we can’t fire Rosie O’Donnell – she’s like an endangered species since she’s one of the few lesbians on TV so we feel guilty getting rid of her.
Danny will be appearing at the Pomona Fairplex for some sort of fight tomorrow.
7:43AM – HENRY ROLLINS
From the Henry Rollins Show, Henry Rollins is in the studio. Topically, he tries to stay away from the Leno/Letterman fare – as well as the fact that you can censor later. Like Danny, where people just want to know what it’s like to be him, there’s a certain expectation that Henry will be somewhat controversial.
Henry grew up in a military high school in DC to go directly into the minimum wage world of parking things, driving things, shuffling things, and so forth. Then Henry got to be in Black Flag, which is what moved him out to LA.
Joan Jett is on Henry’s show tonight – and someone in the room is claiming to have slept with her…
7:57AM – MORE HENRY
Henry always wanted a Dad who would support him, so eventually he came to the conclusion that the best dad would be Rick Hilton, because no matter what Paris does, he loves her.
Henry doesn’t hate his real Dad, but he was just a right-wing guy. While he shares quite a few of the same qualities, Henry’s one for affirmative action and healthcare while his Dad is one of the ‘pulled myself up by the bootstraps’ type.
Apparently Danny says that he had sex with Joan Jett at the Sugar Shack in the Valley in 1970-something.
8:18AM – COLIN QUINN
Comedian Colin Quinn is in the studio and will be at the Hollywood Improv soon, but he’s also done a lot of other things – like hosting Remote Control and doing an episode with Danny. He literally got hired for his voice, because it’s so gravelly.
Colin claims never to have had sex with celebrities, and he’s never been to the Playboy Mansion. Adam asks about SNL wildcats, but when Colin was there, Will Ferrell, Jim Brewer, Cheri Oteri, Chris Kattan, and so forth – they were a really calm bunch.
When he can remember what his favorite guest star was, they decided that rather than Colin being an open book, he’s actually an open pamphlet. Danny points out though, after a point, you do so many weird things, they start to meld together.
Adam interrupts – Danny’s phone rang and he wants to know who called that didn’t know he was on air this morning. Danny calls back, and it’s Gretchen.
8:37AM – CRANK YANKERS AND COLIN OPENS UP
Adam plays another Crank Yankers call and then rants about IM chat logs as a way of girlfriends tracking the behaviors of their boys…because there’s nothing you can do about removing information from a computer and chicks know more about snooping on a computer than anyone else.
Colin admits that when he was with his wife, she discovered some letters that proved he had been with someone during their marriage, and so she got an annulment and Colin was heartbroken. Danny on the other hand, has resorted to screwing lots of women to get over his pain.
9:02AM – TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS
T recaps the news
9:15AM – CRANK YANKERS & THE FINER POINTS OF PIMPING
Adam plays another Crank Yankers call with Snoop Dogg trying to run for Senator and calling a political consultant. They discuss the finer points of ‘pimpin’ as well as some of the pimp sayings and rhymes.
Adam and Kimmel went to Don the Bishop Magic Juan’s house (with a gold Rolls parked in the drive) and when they opened the door, Snoop and his entire posse were baked off their asses and eating Popeye’s chicken. Little bit of an odd experience.
9:27AM – OREL HERSHEISER
is in the studio. Danny doesn’t really care about a lot of sports, but he does know certain things because they make history – which is why he knows about Orel’s history since he was the best in the world.
Adam thinks baseball is more of a finesse sport, though it hasn’t always been this way. In the case of Orel, here’s this red-haired kid who goes in there and just starts throwing fireballs – it’s like a David vs. Goliath story.
They joke about his team and who gives who a hard time, but Orel admits that the first couple of games, he was really nervous until he recreated his own reality. “Instead of trying to relax, I would try to get tight, because after that, a wave of relaxation washes over you,” says Orel.
9:40AM – QUESTIONS TO THE BULLDOG
Bald Brian plays his favorite B-sides, which of course is always a little confusing to the guests.
They continue to talk to Orel about his insights to the game of baseball and the athleticism associated with it. For Orel especially, the dream to play baseball has been just that for a long time: a dream. Like Jeff Probst, Orel is a part of the Home Depot/Mastercard Backyard Dream Contest – so go buy stuff for your house this weekend and support their charity!
9:56AM – ADAM THANKS HIS GUESTS AND WRAPS UP THE SHOW
