Adam with Donny Osmond, David Alan Grier, Maxwell the Intern, Shirley Phelps – May 23, 2007
Call Adam – 866-901-ADAM
6:01AM – DANNY’S PERSONAL COP AND THE SAN DIEGO FIGHT
Two weeks ago, Adam pulled up to the parking lot and Danny was pulled over in the parking structure. The cop let him off, but Danny didn’t know if the cop recognized him or not. Today however, the same cop dropped in behind him on Highland and then just stuck next to Danny for the next few miles, letting Danny know he would always be there…
Danny was running late again today, since he was training and didn’t hear the alarm. He explains why the fight between him and the San Diego DJ on June 1st is heating up – as at the press conference, the guy kept pushing Danny, so Danny dropped him with a left hook. When he explains that the big bodyguards with the other guy are there to prevent him from getting at Danny, the guy launches himself at Danny, and Danny ends up with the guy’s nuts in a vise grip.
6:27AM – BACHELOR PARTY TALENT
Adam asks for callers to share what they plan on bringing to the party at the Key Club on May 31 – and then the second part, a full-blown talent show. Danny tells a story about a girl who took him around the corner to show him her special gassy talent, and Adam wonders what the percentage of Americans is that can fart on cue.
In any case, Danny wants to find a girl that he can marry at this party – but that doesn’t mean the skanky ones shouldn’t come as well for the sheer entertainment value.
Caller Evan wants to rap at the party, so Danny offers up a few words that rhyme with his name. Robert from Riverside can beer bong 10 beers at a time – it’s like almost a 12 pack in under a minute. Of course, then he passes out and it’s one less penis on the dance floor, but one more penis drawn on his forehead. Caller Chris offers to be both the body guard to Danny as well as Evan’s beatbox.
Outlining his requirements for the next Mrs. Bonaduce:
-physical attractiveness
-the correct answers to 7 important questions
Danny’s also used to having someone handle his travel, but he’s gearing up to take his first vacation alone. The last vacation he took was to Tokyo with his 10-year-old daughter – and now he’s looking for someone to help him take this next vacation.
6:58AM – MAXWELL THE POTENTIAL INTERN
Maxwell Gray is in the studio because as a fan of the show, he showed up at Tribecca to try and get an internship with the show. He goes to NYU to the school without walls, where you can create your own major. Adam thinks you can do the same thing on your front lawn.
Phone screener Kyle reported that Maxwell threw around some ‘tude while trying to get on the show though – and he also seems to have a lukewarm review of The Hammer
Maxwell’s big idea is to incorporate Ozzie more on the show – from his own translated advice segment to a Mexican Huell Howser. He’s got a couple more ideas for the bachelor party, but Teresa discovers that his family changed their name so his dad could get a better job. They now own the car dealership, The Auto Gallery, which makes Adam a little sick – all they sell are Ferraris, Porches and other $650,000 cars.
Adam recaps Maxwell’s qualifications, but for free he can’t turn him down either. The warning though: if he hears Maxwell oversteps his boundaries, he will become like the iceman. The advice to all young people is not to overlook the benefits of working for free. Humble beginnings can have rewards of their own. Maxwell’s in.
7:31AM – CRANK YANKERS
Adam plays a favorite DAG Crank Yankers call with David rapping.
7:45AM – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS – AND SHIRLEY PHELPS DROPS IN
Jerry Falwell recently died and Shirley Phelps was planning to protest, but in a recent article about a student that got arrested for having bombs and being upset with a certain religious fringe group.
Shirley is actually on the phone to explain her side of the story. She’s outraged that F-A-G is one of the growing group of words you can’t say on the radio anymore – a topic with which Adam finally agrees. In any case, Shirley heard rumor of the bomber, but wasn’t scared. This launches Adam into a discussion of what sorts of death qualify one for hell. “Do you think God could really tell the difference between a guy who fell off his ladder by accident and one that fell off on purpose?”
Shirley shares one of her hate-filled religious shanties, which is amazingly full of harmonies.
8:05AM – DAVID ALAN GRIER
David is on the show once again and is slightly upset that Adam blew off his home-cooked friend chicken. Adam interrupts to let Teresa finish her news, so David interrupts the news intro with a little improved ditty about T.
American Idol’s resident klutz, Paula Abdul is one of the big stories of the week. DAG spontaneously bursts into an impression of Blake’s Bon Jovi beat box – “I felt like Little Richard, get my agent on the phone!”
Carrie Underwood’s song, Before He Cheats, was recently used as fodder for John Mayer’s comedy about the song. The show decides Mayer’s roadies are giving him a false sense of how funny he is.
8:27AM – DONNY OSMOND
Donny is on the phone and Adam’s just been reminded that his prom picture makes him look like a young Donny Osmond. Donny’s on the flip side – you know, people tell me all the time I look like Adam Carolla.
In the 70s, Donny was probably one of the biggest teen idols – with his big hit being Puppy Love. Donny also talks about his experiences doing Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat as well as the new record he has out, Songs of the 70s.
Donny and Danny reminisce about their fight and how people responded to it later.
Adam decides that therapy is a bunch of crock and he could give better advice by kicking people’s asses into gear – and demonstrates the tactic on DAG, Danny, Teresa, and some of DAG’s characters.
8:51AM – T’S DATING DILEMA
David went out to dinner with Teresa and they happen to have a little bit of audio – but they both insist it wasn’t a date.
In any case, 3 months after what she thought was a good date, she hasn’t heard from him at all. To try and figure out what went wrong, she and DAG do what she would say if this guy suddenly called out of the blue. She admits to missing this guy over little stupid things. Big thing was, when she was out of work for a year before she landed this job, she felt she needed some sort of security – and he wasn’t able to provide it.
9:08AM – LISTENERS’ ADVICE
Listeners calls in to give their opinion about whether Teresa should try to get back together with this guy that she obviously still has some pretty strong feelings for – and may even be in love with still. She wants to know if they think the guy has moved on and has another girlfriend – unanimous yes.
Teresa points out that she’s always been very candid about her life – but DAG does the other side: if this man really loves her, nothing will stop him from coming to get her. Caller Trisha is 40 and never married, but Adam cuts her off, calling her a spinster and saying that misery loves company. Danny thinks Teresa is giving some mixed messages – and not being clear as women do, even though she thinks she is.
Danny and Teresa get into it a little, with Adam acting as mediator – and Teresa gives her man’s number to Angie to call and hopefully talk to live on the show.
9:30AM – TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS
Teresa recaps the news and does the American Idol Recap.
9:45 – WHERE WERE YOU AT 17?
American Idol contestant Jordin Sparks seems to have missed all the awkward teen things like acne and gawkiness so the show decides to share where they were at her age – 17. Adam for example was a senior at North Hollywood High, living in the garage of his dad’s house, a poor student, but ended up barely passing his Spanish exam and never got his diploma.
Teresa was a senior in high school, working selling sneakers,
Danny was living in an apartment, had just graduated from high school, had $72,000, and was sometimes living in the alleyway behind the Mann’s Chinese Theater.
9:55AM – ADAM WRAPS UP THE SHOW
