Adam with Justin Long and Robert Schimmel – June 29, 2007

Adam with Justin Long and Robert Schimmel – June 29, 2007

6:01AM – TYPE-CAST ACTORS, LATENESS, AND THRIFT STORE STUFF

Justin Long, the Mac guy from the PC vs Mac commercials and now in Live Free or Die Hard, will be on the show later, and this reminds Adam of a problem he has with commercial actors who become really well known – you see them in a different role and it’s confusing.

Danny’s just a few seconds late this morning, but it’s forgivable because he always comes running in, red-faced and huffing. Adam reminisces about some of the past assistants he’s had – Candace the hot chick who was late and then Ken, who Jimmy and Adam decided to call Ken-dace for the rest of the season.

Adam and Bryan discuss their excitement around the Transformers movie – although Bryan’s anticipation far outweighs Adam’s. Explaining his history with toys like the Transformers, Adam’s family repurposed a lot of stuff from the thrift store and much had acquired a weird, desperate smell. However, caller Tyler was able to one-up Adam: his Mom worked at McDonalds, so all their cups and silverware would come from Mickey D’s.

6:27AM – PATHETIC STORIES OF CHEAP PARENTS

After a quick Crank Yankers call with the amazing Ms. Sarah Silverman, Adam has some more listeners entertain him with stories of their own thrift store experiences as well as other penny-pinching maneuvers.

There’s a couple of callers that were forced to eat thrift shop food – and as Adam points out, “Nobody want to see ‘thrift shop’ in front of the word ‘food’!” Other themes: Teresa bought & returned her prom dress, caller Kyle’s parents have the special edition Pepsi glasses that only come out for special occasions, caller Winter’s parents using empty butter & Cool-whip containers for leftovers, and caller Fred’s family decided that 3.99 was too much to pay for the completing piece of a toy collection.

6:59AM – WHAT CAN’T ADAM COMPLAIN ABOUT?

Before starting one of his favorite games, Adam tells a story about playing football back in his day – and his disappointment about receiving a trophy rather than a windbreaker with his name embroidered across the back. Adam admits, “That’s super pathetic.”

Justin Long jumps on the line, so Adam decides to give him a caller example of how to play the game: give him a topic you don’t think Adam can complain about and watch him prove you wrong. Justin throws a topic to Adam – the paparazzi coverage of celebrity vagina. Adam asks about the casting of him in Live Free and Die Hard as a hacker and his celebrity as the Mac in the Mac commercials. Justin explains – the part required more of an everyman sort of guy. He also played a gay guy in the Breakup – and Adam has to commend him cause he’s seen the movie multiple times but never even realized it was him!

7:27AM – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS

Teresa reports the news, most of which involves Adam’s confusion around Wikipedia.

7:44AM – ROBERT SCHIMMMEL

Comedian Robert Schimmel is on the show and sits in while Teresa wraps up the news. Danny and Robert have some similar dating experiences in that Danny’s dating a 24-year-old while Robert married one of his daughter’s friends – and both run into some interesting comments and situations from others as a result.

Adam interviews Robert about his history and asks for a little trivia about the ex-wife – about half of his paycheck will go to the woman. Danny’s got a bright side though – if she’s got somebody cohabitating with her, he must leave every 72 hours or Robert doesn’t have to pay…

8:11AM – DIVORCE THROUGH SCHIMMEL’S EYES

Robert shares some stories about his 16-year-old that’s causing him some headaches and his experiences beating cancer, as he was diagnosed with non-Hodkins lymphoma a couple of years ago. He never really told his wife though, he just broke up with her and started dating a younger woman.

As he’s already gone through the divorce thing, he shares some of his insight with Danny – though Robert’s ex seems a little more vindictive than Danny’s. Apparently Robert’s wife has had a boyfriend for the last 7 years, but Robert’s never met him. Actually, when his 8-year-old son got in trouble for a graphic picture, his ex calls him to complain about the kid’s use of ‘weiner’ – but it’s the boyfriend he’s getting it from!

8:32AM – BREAKING DOWN PAULA ABDUL’S NEW SHOW

Playing some clips from Paula’s new show, Adam, Teresa and Danny lampoon the American Idol judge’s new show.

8:46AM – REVIEWING PAULA & ADAM’S MAN CRUSH

Adam goes into a quick rant about fatties wearing fanny packs in public, which reminds Danny of a fancy restaurant that actually employs a ‘sniffer’ – for those who are too excessive with the cologne or perfume.

Teresa continues the review of Paula’s performance on her new show, “Hey Paula.” Danny brings up his new show and reveals that Jonathan Hanson is a part of it – and Adam’s reaction is surprisingly just short of salivating.

9:06AM – TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS

Robert’s still on the show, Adam decides to treat him to a little custom strip-o-gram about his wife.

T then continues her news recap – which is confusing cause it really isn’t a news recap anymore because she never does the same news. More of a news part deux.

9:23AM – NEWS RECAP

Part deux…deux of the news recap.

9:42AM – CRANK YANKERS & WRAP UP

In honor of Crank Yankers airing on MTV2 tonight, Adam pulls a couple of classic calls out of the vault.

Adam then wraps up the show.

9:56AM – WRAP UP

Adam realizes he wrapped up the show 10 minutes early and so wraps up the show a second time.

Adam with Vince Neil, Joey Chestnut, Prisoner David, and Danny’s Wild Goose Chase for Paris Hilton – June 28, 2007

Adam with Vince Neil, Joey Chestnut, Prisoner David, and Danny’s Wild Goose Chase for Paris Hilton – June 28, 2007

6:01AM – Bryan’s a little too excited about the Transformers’ premiere, but he’s not the only one – Adam wants to see the movie too.

Adam explains the problems and benefits behind sex with a stranger, like when you finally click with someone you’ve never seen naked before. In Danny’s case, the woman he recently slept with seemed to take all the fluids out of him, thus it seems, making him impossible to cheat. However the weird thing is, Danny’s actually in better physical condition than the kid.

Danny’s also looking at condos with this girl he’s not serious with – which Adam wonders doesn’t mean that they’re actually serious?

Adam watched the Larry King/Paris Hilton with all the closeness a Tivo can provide – and came to the conclusion that Paris is simply a zero and Larry for being such a slug. Most of all, she kept trying to hide behind the bible – but had no answer for anything and couldn’t identify her favorite passage either for the thing that she kept trying to hide behind. “Give me something – not no!” says a frustrated Adam.

6:27AM – LARRY KING WITH PARIS HILTON – THE BREAKDOWN

The team reviews some of the magic moments of Paris Hilton’s incredibly gripping interview with Larry King last night. Adam wonders if this is a sign – that smart Americans will gather around these stupid people, similar to the stump speeches of the smart people of yore. “Are we now just following stupid people…and how long can you listen to the words of an idiot before you become an idiot?” wonders Adam.

Teresa plays some of the more the riving and thoughtful clips from the interview – all of which are either stupid, cheesy, or both.

6:46AM – MORE PARIS HILTON

More talk & clips from Paris, including trading strip search stories, the one thing she’d like to change (her voice), her one word answers, and so forth.

Just to move things along, Adam gives a quick recap of how the majority of the interview went for those who missed it….and it only takes about 30 seconds. “That is ‘I don’t know’ Paris versus ‘I don’t care’ Larry,” explains Adam.

Adam decides it’s time to intervene with this young girl’s life – so Producer Angie gets directions to where they think that Paris might be in Bel-Air and dispatch Danny on his bike to go give Paris some insight into the road down which she’s headed.

7:19AM – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS

Adam has an important question about the wardrobe of Larry King: does someone who never stands up really need suspenders?

And then Teresa reports the news…

7:43AM – T’S DATING NEWS

After a quick Crank Yankers call, Danny finally calls in to report his progress but the phone is breaking up. So instead T shares her big news: she’s got keys to her new guy’s place. “You understand that there was a cleansing process in his apartment that went on before he gave you those,” explains Adam.

Adam decides he wants some insights to the Paris Hilton stuff from listeners.

8:00AM – THE EXCLUSIVE WITH HILTON’S GARDENER

Adam is still struck by the stupidity of the King/Hilton interview. Apparently Danny has made it to the Hilton compound in Bel-Air, but there’s not exactly a throng of media. Just two gardeners actually…apparently Paris isn’t there.

They decide to send Danny to the other place on King’s Road and take some caller stories. Caller Holly describes her jail experience, which involved cut marks, lesbians, strip searches, a methadone clinic and so forth – and Adam and T are intrigued.

Suddenly they face a difficult decision – Holly’s got some great stories, but hot dog eating champion Joey Chestnut is also on the phone…and Danny’s still on his way to the other Hilton compound.

8:25AM – DANNY GETS STOPPED BY THE MAN

More caller input about the Paris Hilton stories. Teresa accuses Adam of overusing his his Tivo – but Adam insists it’s like

Checking in with Danny, it seems that he’s been pulled over by a cop for speeding & smoking a cigarette. The cop seems to have been pissed off by Adam’s encouragement to turn through the right turn arrow – but more so because Danny doesn’t have the correct type of license, there’s a good chance his bike might be impounded. But mostly it’s because the cop is pissed off at Adam.

To pass the time, Adam and T chat with Holly about her experiences at the Methodone clinic and with the suicidal lesbians she experienced in prison. Unfortunately – as soon as she gets to the hot lesbian action, her phone cuts out.

8:48AM – JOEY CHESTNUT, HOT DOG EATING CHAMPION

Danny just got to Paris’s house – and there’s still no one there! Teresa lets everybody know that according to TMZ, Paris is actually Maui-bound. “Yah, we’re gonna need you back here now,” Adam tells Danny.

Joey Chestnut hops on the phone and shares a little about his speed eating abilities – his goal is to gorge himself on 60 and beat Kobyashi at the 4th of July contest at Coney Island.

9:03AM – VINCE NEIL

Frontman of Motley Crue and proprietor of the new tequila brand Tres Rios is in the studio. Seems like there’s been a renaissance in tequila, says Adam. Vince knows all about the making of this great drink.

Adam also decides that tequila is more of a rocker drink than many others, so it’s appropriate that Vince is promoting such a drink. Vince grew up in Compton but met his Motley Crue guys in Glendora in high school and the Craigslist equivalent of the paper of the day.

Caller Jason has some questions about when he might be able to see the Crue next – but it’s still kinda up in the air. Vince may be doing some solo shows in the near future though.

Danny shows up and is a little pissed off because he got pulled over for Adam’s complaints about chicken-ass tickets. He actually split before the cop came back but the cop gave him a message to give to Carolla – “Tell Carolla he’s up.”

9:25AM – TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS

Teresa recaps the news.

9:43AM – PRISONER DAVID

Prisoner David’s on the phone – and is just loving the Paris Hilton coverage. His first parole hearing is coming up in 2017 – and they’re planning a special show for it. In any case though, David’s got some thoughts – why isn’t her used toothbrush on eBay yet?

Little insight from the inside: Doing the hard labor he’s responsible for, he makes about $2.13 a month, they provide bibles for free, and tobacco is actually a contraband item so that the loose tobacco for rolling goes for about $800…as opposed to the $9-10 you can get it for at Wal-Mart.

9:56AM – ADAM WRAPS UP THE SHOW

Adam with Vincent Bugliosi and Richard Lewis – June 27, 2007

Adam with Vincent Bugliosi and Richard Lewis – June 27, 2007

Call Adam now!
866-901-ADAM

6:01AM – EVILS FROM FLORIDA AND 911 HOLDS

Adam is convinced that any crimes of the macabre variety always connect to Florida in some way. The recent story about Chris Benoit, the wrestler who snuffed out his whole family, was a little confusing to him as there was no connection to Florida. Earlier today though, CNN put his mind at ease: the wrestler had prescription drugs from Florida.

Danny also witnessed a car crash yesterday after the dentist and as a witness felt compelled to pull over. Calling 911, Danny reaches a recorded message and immediately thinks of his wife alone in the house huddled in a closet getting a recording. After maybe 3 full seconds of silence, the recording came back on – only in Spanish. This mix of hold, recordings, hold, recordings continued a few more times until finally an uninterested party answered. The problem lies in education of the masses, which launches Adam into a rant about the wrong types of education – click it or ticket for example – being the most popular.

6:22AM – Manson Prosecutor Vincent Bugliosi

The man who brought Charles Manson in, Vincent Bugliosi, is on the phone and immediately launches into a discussion of some of the other cases whose DAs’ performance was somewhat lacking. He’s got a new book out, “Reclaiming History,” about the assignation of John F Kennedy and it is his self-described Magnus opus. He’s also the author of the top-selling crime book of all time, Helter Skelter.

Danny has a question about his recent experience with a conspiracy theorist about the WTC attacks – and apparently 30% of all Americans believe in some aspect of this conspiracy. In the case of the JFK assassination, over 75% of Americans believe in some sort of conspiracy.

Vincent discusses – in a somewhat longwinded manner – some of the so-called conspiracies of the case and why they don’t make for good theories.

Adam decides to keep the theme and open up the phone lines to calls about conspiracies.

6:52AM – CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Adam doesn’t believe in conspiracy theories because 1) people can’t keep a secret and 2) the government just isn’t smart enough.

Caller Chuck’s mom has a theory about income tax – that the amendment was never ratified, the Federal reserve just came into being. Adam knows this argument, but everything he calls his accountant to check it, his account tells him he’s high and to shut up.

Jeff has a theory about a conspiracy between socks and dryer companies – where does the other one go?

Adam finally reveals a conspiracy of his own: there’s no more fixing of electronics anymore – you just have to toss it and replace it. Yet in the case of the new Ipod, it’s really slick and seems to be designed to be dropped. Same thing with the cell phone – no grip! Finally the conversation goes to the number one conspiracy theory on everyone’s mind – the World Trade Center attacks.

7:21AM – ENERGY CONSERVATION

Adam rants about energy conservation as while he was in Europe, it appeared that someone left every single light on in a room he rarely goes into – and it was only upon his return that they got turned off?! Adam blames his wife, but T may have the redeeming news: during drinks with T, Lynette may have said the nicest thing about Adam Teresa’s ever heard…

7:37AM – RICHARD LEWIS

Comedian Richard Lewis is supposed to be on, but he seems to be running late. In any case, the compliment Lynette gave to Teresa about Adam was very sweet: sometimes when Adam comes home and he’s going around the house doing stuff and wearing his baseball hat – she realizes she’s still got a crush on him.

Richard Lewis is on the phone and discloses he’s been sober for 13 years, but he still remembers his favorite drink – champagne. For Danny, whatever he could snort out of the belly button of a hooker worked for him. Richard is part of a celebrity tribute to Mort Sahl with quite a few heavy weights tomorrow night at the Wadsworth Theater.

Adam asks about his participation on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and as it turns out, couple of years ago, an episode featured Richard needing a kidney – and people came out of the woodwork.

7:59AM – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS

T reports the news.

8:20AM –

After a quick Crank Yankers call featuring Jimmy Kimmel, Adam reveals that Mr Kimmel is similarly well-endowed. Teresa continues her news, including an inmate who dug through a wall to have sex with the inmate in the cell next to her.

8:43AM – ANGEL ADAM, DEVIL DANNY

Adam and Danny field confusing moral questions from listeners, giving advice of the contentious and purely selfish variety.

9:05AM – HUELL HOWSER

Adam plays some exciting clips from Huell’s recent trip to a shoe store. As always, Huell’s interviews are riddled with excitement, humor, and riveting content – and most of all, true appreciation of the people he talks to.

9:22AM – MORE HUELL HOWSER

The odyssey continues with Huell talking to a shoe sales guy who happens to have held onto the first tool he ever bought with his first paycheck – but Adam is a bit frustrated. “It’s a tack hammer – it’s the world’s smallest hammer,” explains Adam – but he’s a little jealous that this sales guy can get sentimental over a $2.00 tack hammer while Adam doesn’t even look twice at his Lamborghini.

9:37AM – TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS

Teresa recaps the news, much of which involves Paris Hilton.

9:54AM – ADAM RECAPS THE SHOW

Adam with Lynn and ALEX – June 26, 2007

Adam with Lynn and ALEX – June 26, 2007

6:01AM – TAKING CARE OF KIDS

There’s another radio station playing in the kitchen – which is a little confusing to Danny. Angie let Danny know he was on air, but he misunderstood due to the Four Seasons playing the background.

Adam’s going on a diet as he’s being featured in Los Angeles magazine and needs to prepare for the photoshoot – so of course as soon as he got back from Europe, there have been multiple treats and sweets hanging out in the station. “In the course of about 3-5 hours, 3 of my favorite things have been thrown in my lap by strangers,” explains Adam.

One listener calls in to say how much she loves ACS but Adam’s more interested in the fact that with 10 hours of daycare, someone else raises her kids. He’s in a similar experience, as his daughter cries and runs to the nanny while his son seems to get it.

In Danny’s case, his kids were like strangers who came back to his house and pooped on stuff. For Adam, his kids seemed like strangers with holes that you threw money at – which a car would substitute for just as well. Teresa’s really struck by the maternal vibes coming off Adam’s nanny Olga. Apparently Olga does such a good job that a former client called her back in for a little ‘spot work’ with the daughter. Unfortunately, this opens the door to Adam’s imagination for his later relationship with his daughter where communication may involved Olga’s intervention and a ‘money cannon.’

6:26AM – RICH MAN, POOR MAN

Adam invites callers and the rest of the show to come up with ideas about things that both very rich and very poor men have in common, but is surprisingly lacking in the middle classes.

Some of the topics include racing (both cars and horses), depression, lack of panties, and the wearing of vests.

6:42AM – RICH MAN, POOR MAN CONT

More rich man, poor man with bees, dogs as accessories, junk on cars, police knowing your name, & currency/food stamp exchange.

7:05 – TERESA REPORTS THE NEWS

T reports the news

7:35 – DANNY’S DEALBREAKER

Danny is getting dangerously in love with one of the women he’s been seeing, but recently she commited a major faux paux while they were deep in the act of making love. About 3 nights ago, Danny and the woman were having sex at the woman’s apartment – which happens to be quite small and thus warms up quickly to get the same effect as the sweaty passionate sex of the movies. Danny was passionately getting more and more into it when mid coitus, the woman stopped and said “Oh I hate this song,” and went over to turn it off. Her ipod of over 20,000 songs had moved to Ed Hartcourt’s “Little Silver Bullet” and very nearly caused Danny to break up with her then and there.

Adam then relieves what his reaction would be if he was in a similar position and the song Maneater came on…

7:59AM – CRANK YANKERS

Adam plays a crank yankers call and then takes listener stories about dealbreakers they’ve experienced in the bedroom. One guy’s date had sex with his sister – multiple times. Adam proclaims she must be a ‘waffle crapper’ – that is so hot, that if she crapped on a waffle, you’d still eat it.

8:23 – CHANGE YOUR LIFE AROUND

What would you do to change your life around and get free of the things that held you down? Adam decides that he has overcome the issue that his family had no idea what success was about. He was raised by a group of smart people with no money – but he was smart enough to know that he would have to push himself out by himself. So he went and did all the things that he was scared of – like being a part of the Groundlings – and some of those things he was successful enough at that they stuck.

8:57 – LYNN AND ALEX’S CELEBRITY DISH

The show’s favorite gay couple from the Amazing Race, Lynn and Alex, drop by the show to share the hot celebrity gossip and bring a couple of girls with them – the owners of the hot spot One Sunset.

Alex and Lynn also Danny all hot and bothered with news that he may have a chance of hooking up with Jennifer Aniston. Turns out that Jennifer and Danny met back in the high school days and that Breaking Bonaduce is one of her favorite shows on TV.

9:11 – MORE LYNN AND ALEX

Even more celebrity gossip, including a celebrity hate letter.

9:27 – T’S NEWS RECAP

Teresa recaps the news (and some new stories) from the early morning hours.

9:42 – MORE OF T’S NEWS

9:58 – ADAM WRAPS UP THE SHOW

Adam with an Ice Road Trucker, Jimmy Kimmel and Patriotic Music Monday – June 26, 2007

Adam with an Ice Road Trucker, Jimmy Kimmel and Patriotic Music Monday – June 26, 2007

CALL ADAM NOW!
866-901 ADAM

6:01 AM – HOW ADAM, DANNY AND T SPENT THEIR SUMMER VACATION

Adam just got back from Europe yesterday afternoon – and while he missed his wife, he missed his kids a good deal more. As did his kids: he was smothered with affection when he returned.

Danny on the other hand had surgery on his throat on Saturday. However, despite the specific instruction not to speak for three days, Danny immediately began speaking. In other news, Danny’s new girlfriend, Amy, drove him to the hospital and reported back that in the middle of surgery his world renowned surgeon grabbed some of his colleagues as he’d never seen anything like Danny’s vocal cords before. The surgery was originally supposed to remove 2 – 4 nodules off his vocal cords….Danny ended up having 14 removed. For those with a morbid curiosity, pictures have been posted on adamcarolla.com.

Other highlights in Danny’s surgery experience: 4 hours worth of surgery, a knocked out tooth that can’t be repaired because of the extent of surgery, and the feeding of painkillers with possible alcoholic/addictive ingredients by Teresa and Amy.

Teresa’s vacation may have taken the cake – she’s in love!

6:25AM – THE DRY SPELL IS OVER: T’S NEW LOVE

Teresa’s had a good vacation as when she saw producer Mike Dawson’s band over the weekend, she’d never been happier. Adam understands this feeling – and recommends holding on to those moments as long as possible. A few days later, T’s new beau asked her to go steady so she’s now on cloud nine.

Described by Danny as a fully-built Ken doll, this guy was doing all the right things – though he gave her a scare. Mid make-out session, he pulls away to tell her something. T immediately thinks the worst – he’s got AIDS or he’s getting back with his ex – but instead he tells her he loves her.

Adam’s got a good point about this relationship though – with the guy at 37 and in T’s case, 29 and some change, it may be time to just jump in. While he wants to hear from callers, he wonders whether at this point, in 6 months, you should just get engaged.

One caller thinks you need to make it through all 4 seasons before marriage while another caller agrees with Danny – take a month, date, have fun, and ask the question.

6:57AM – HISTORY CHANNEL’S ICE ROAD TRUCKERS

One of the Ice Road Truckers TJ Tilcox explains what he transports that’s so important: supplies to the diamond miners in Canada just miles from the Artic Circle. Danny wants to know why though – what’s the motivation? It pays well enough, explains TJ, despite the risks of breaking ice with driving a semi across only 22 inches of frozen water.

TJ comes from a trucking background, so his parents were none too happy when he announced his plans to become an ice road trucker. Risks aside, it’s also ‘colder than a whore’s heart’ explains TJ.

7:13AM – TERESA’S NEWS

Teresa reports her news.

7:34AM – ACEMAN’S VACATION

As many know, Adam likes cars. A lot. However, the American version of racing, NASCAR, doesn’t appeal to him as he’s somewhat smarter than the average NASCAR fan. So on the vacation to Europe, Adam got to experience some of the more nuanced and interesting European racing.

Between the biggest race for Adam, the Le Mans in France, and the biggest air show in the world, Air Show Paris, Adam experienced some of the most impressive things that humanity is capable of. Taking a tour of the Aston Martin plant though was like Adam’s Louve: it’s a testament to the ingenuity of man.

Adam, Danny, and T end up comparing & contrasting the American versus European experience and decide generally that they are more liberated than we are.

8:11AM – OZZIE AND RAY REVIEW THE FANTASTIC FOUR

Ozzie is in the studio with a new movie review – The Fantastic Four sequel. As usual, Ozzie’s accent gets in the way and Adam ends up thinking the film’s about the rise of the racist surfer. Jessica Alba also wears some confusing blue contacts so the show spins off into hot Anglified girls.

Overall says Ray, it’s fantastic four for somebody else. This provides the perfect opening for everybody to bitch about and compliment their favorite and most hated films.

8:29AM – MUSIC MONDAY’S MOST PATRIOTIC SONGS

It’s Music Monday again – and everyone’s selected the most patriotic and unpatriotic songs of the week. Click here to see the full list of Music Monday selections & artists.

8:45AM – MORE MUSIC MONDAY

T and Danny share their top (and bottom) picks that include Destiny’s Child, Paris Hilton, Green Day and Neil Diamond.

8:59AM – MUSIC MONDAY WRAP-UP

Wrap-up of Music Monday for the day with the top picks. And for those of you too lazy to click the link above, here’s the full list in all it’s glory:

Adam – Good
5. Philadelphia Freedom – Elton John (’75, #1)
4. People Got to Be Free – Young Rascals (’68, #1)
3. I’ve Been Everywhere – Johnny Cash (remake in ’96, original in ’59 by Geoff Mack – never charted)
2. Theme from Greatest American Hero – Joe Scarbury 9 (’81, #2)
1. America The Beautiful – Ray Charles (’72, Didn’t chart)

Bad
4. Tubthumping – Chumbawumba (’97, #6)
3. Hot Blooded – Foreigner (’78, #3)
2. You Can Do Magic – America (’82, #8)
1. American Woman – the Guess Who (’70, #1)

Teresa – Good
1. Independent Women Part I … Destiny’s Child
2. Sweet Home Alabama .. Lynyrd Skynrd

Bad
1. Stars are Blind … Paris Hilton
2. Iraq and Roll … Clint Black

Danny – Good
2. America – Neil Diamond (’80, Didn’t Chart)
1. God Bless the USA: Proud to Be an American – Lee Greenwood (’84, Didn’t Chart)

Bad
2. American Idiot – Green Day (’04, #61)
1. Young Americans – David Bowie (’75, #28)

9:25AM – T’S NEWS RECAP

T recaps her news – which isn’t really a recap anymore, but rather new (and often jucier) stories she’s saved until the 9 o’clock hour.

9:42AM – MORE NEWS AND JIMMY KIMMEL

Jimmy Kimmel does a surprise call to plug some upcoming events and get a gift out of Adam for getting his appendix removed.

9:54AM – ADAM WRAPS UP THE SHOW AND REVIEWS WHAT WE’VE LEARNED

Adam with NBA Rising Star Adam Morrison, The Deal or No Deal Girls, E! TV’s Joel McHale and Frank Shamrock

Adam with NBA Rising Star Adam Morrison, The Deal or No Deal Girls, E! TV’s Joel McHale and Frank Shamrock

6:00 DO THEY READ THE SCRIPTS ANYMORE?

Although we delves into the subject yesterday, Adam still can’t get over how terribly bad Ocean’s 13 was, and wonders if anyone even reads these scripts and even more importantly, do all those superstars like Clooney and Brad Pitt hire yes men who lie to them?

6:25 NBA RISING STAR, ADAM MORRISON

Adam and the gang talks to NBA rising star Adam Morrison about his days playing at Gonzaga, where he became famous for crying after losing the big game and dives into the issue of living with diabetes and what precautions he must take to do so.

6:50 THE BRIAN MCKNIGHT ENCOUNTER

Teresa was explaining to Gene Simmons the turbulence in her love life and then found herself being set up with singing superstar Brian McKnight, who was dragged in the studio from the WAVE station by the KISS mega-star.
Danny is protective over his co-host and wants to screen people who’ve spent time with McKnight because he feels a guy of his celebrity would take advantage of Teresa.

7:15 GET THAT GIRL IN HERE! NOW!!!

Just as Teresa is about to tackle the news, Adam spots one of the smoking hot girls from Deal or No Deal, #24 Kelly walk by the studio window and demands to get her in to talk to her right away. She reminds him of the lucky predicament he was fortunate to find himself in when he met his wife Lynette.

7:34 TERESA READS THE NEWS

Teresa finally tackles the news once Adam gets over the image of the Deal or No Deal girl, #24 Kelly.

8:00 THE DEAL OR NO DEAL GIRLS

The gorgeous ladies from Deal or No Deal, #24 Kelly and #8 Lauren drop by the studio and attempt to take Adam’s heart. Unfortunately, after poking and prodding them for information, we find out that both of these smoking hot chicks are in serious relationships.

8:22 E! TV’S “THE SOUP” HOST JOEL MCHALE

The host of E! TV’s “The Soup” and one of the greatest guys around, Joel McHale makes a visit to the Carolla studio to discuss the best and worst TV clips of the week.

8:41 MORE WITH JOEL MCHALE

The host of E! TV’s “The Soup” sticks around the studio to chop it up with Adam and the gang and then delves into the usual subject of Teresa’s dating woes.

9:02 DANNY AT LIFE SPRINGS

Danny talks about the time he visited the post hippie behavior modification resort Life Springs and the various fights he got in to.

9:27 NEWS RECAP WITH TERESA STRASSER

Teresa recaps today’s new.

9:41 FRANK SHAMROCK

Bad Ass, Frank Shamrock talks to Adam and the gang about his brother, Ken Shamrock who is also an kick ass fighter and hypes up his upcoming fight with Phil Baroni.

9:53 WRAP UP

Adam wraps up today’s show.

Adam with Billy West, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed

Adam with Billy West, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed

6:00 AT THE MOVIE MAN-FEST

Adam went to go see “Knocked Up” yesterday, but got the times confused and ended up watching “Ocean’s 13,” which in the Ace Man’s opinion, was a two hour leading man cluster-”f”. Just don’t see this movie if your a fan of the Carolla show.

6:24 BLOW HARD FLICKS

Keeping in rhythm with Ocean’s 13, Adam reflects on movies he’s seen that just really suck and takes your calls regarding your most hated movies including, Silence of the Lambs, The Godfather, Twister and Armageddon. Yeah, some things just don’t make any sense and these movies are have some of the most far-fetched scenarios which make the Ace Man just want to tune out.

6:59 GAY WALKING WITH BILL THE PRE-OP BOARD-OP

Adam swings it over to Bill the Board Operator who goes out to the Spice Adult Film Awards and asks gay questions of straight men, parodying Leno’s Jay Walking . The contestants include are Artie Lang, Wrestler Goldberg, Joanna Krupa (ex-Juggie) and Tracey Morgan.

7:23 TERESA READS THE NEWS

Teresa reads today’s news and headlines.

7:47 TERESA READS THE NEWS AGAIN

Teresa once again reads today’s top stories and headlines.

8:06 911 IS A JOKE

Yes, Flava Flav said it best, as Adam and the gang delve into the story of a woman who called 911 from the hospital, because she was vomiting blood and wasn’t given any medical care. She died shortly after, outraging the Ace Man and the gang which leads them to talk about the intellectual quotient of people who work in government service industries.

8:30 MORE GOVERNMENT BLUNDERS

Adam and the gang further talk about the intellectual ineptitude of people working in government service industries and contend that if they were to attempt to search out work in the private sector, we’d have a whole bunch more people on unemployment.

8:47 BILLY WEST AS TONY SOPRANO

The man of a million voices, Billy West drops by the studio and brings Tony Soprano with him, who tries to seduce Teresa over the air.

9:04 MORE WITH THE VOICE OVER MASTER, BILLY WEST

The master of the voice over, billy West sticks around to runs through a plethora of different characters with Adam and the gang.

9:24 GENE SIMMONS AND SHANNON TWEED

The larger than life front man of KISS, Gene Simmons drops by with long time life partner and B-Movie superstar Shannon Tweed, along with a dozen camera people and chat with Adam and the gang about their reality show, “Gene Simmons: Family Jewels.”

9:44 MORE GENE SIMMONS AND SHANNON TWEED OF FAMILY JEWELS

Long time couple Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed stick around and talks to Adam and the gang about the first time they met, Shannon’s hot sister Tracey Tweed and delve into the vast array of women that the KISS front man has ran-through in his day.

9:56 WRAP UP

Adam wraps up today’s show.

Adam with The Olly Girls from Sunset Tan and Jeff Ross

Adam with The Olly Girls from Sunset Tan and Jeff Ross

6:00 COOKIE CUTTER SOCIETY

Adam reflects to a time when women were individualistic and possessed a certain personal style and compares that type of lifestyle of wanting to be unique to the cookie cutter women walking around these days who all look the same, talk the same and just attempt, in every aspect, to impersonate the tabloid celebrity they see in the magazines.

6:23 NAME THAT NICARAGUAN TUNE

Adam talks about the exorbitant amount of meat and food Ozzie cooked at his twin’s birthday party over the weekend, then transitions perfectly into everyone’s favorite guessing game, Name That Nicaraguan Tune, where callers attempt to guess what classic Police song Ozzie vocally butchers.

6:50 POLYGAMIST LOVE GAME

Fueled by his wife’s love of the hit HBO show Big Love, Adam talks to callers about their polyamorous lifestyles and the scandal which comes from getting it on with more than one person at a time.

7:17 TERESA READS THE NEWS

Teresa reads today’s headlines and top stories.

7:43 THE OLLY GIRLS FROM SUNSET TAN

The smoking hot girls from Sunset Tan, the new reality show on E!, Holly and Molly, “the Olly Girls,” talks to Adam and the gang about the glamorous life of spraying celebrities in Hollywood, then share and compare tattoos with Danny.

8:02 BIRCHUM’S HOME IMPROVEMENT

Adam gives listeners a treat by breaking out Mr. Birchum and then helps callers through some tough home improvement dilemmas.

8:28 COMEDIAN JEFF ROSS

Master of the comic roast, Jeff Ross stops by the Carolla studio and talks to Adam and the gang about “The Next Best Thing: Who Is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?,” where he is a host and judge of some of the best and worst impersonations ever seen on TV.

8:48 MORE JEFF ROSS, “THE NEXT BEST THING: WHO’S THE GREATEST CELEBRITY IMPERSONATOR?”

Jeff Ross sticks around to chat it up with Adam and the gang. They then take calls from listeners who have their own impersonation they want to share with Jeff Ross. Included are Erick Cartman, Forrest Gump and Kermit the Frog.

9:12 NEWS RECAP ALA TERESA

Teresa gives an update of the day’s best stories and headlines.

9:30 MORE NEWS

Teresa again reads the day’s best headlines and stories.

9:45 JESSICA ALBA RANT

Adam seems to believe that Jessica Alba is stupid and can’t understand why people with such a low quotient of understanding can command such a demand in television, movies and print. Ever here of Paris Hilton?

9:56 WRAP UP

Adam wraps up today’s show.

Adam with Comedian Dana Gould, Ant from Celebrity Fit Club and Gay Walking with Bill the Pre-Op Board-Op

Adam with Comedian Dana Gould, Ant from Celebrity Fit Club and Gay Walking with Bill the Pre-Op Board-Op

6:00 WHERE’S THE DUCE?

Danny wasn’t in studio to discuss his fight with Robert Shapiro to start the hour, so Adam reflects to a time when he would ride his bike to the Sherman Oaks Fashion Center to get free cookies from his buddy who worked at “Snacks, Fifth Avenue.” But it turns out that the Duce was early and just ran out to get coffee for the Carolla crew, so that doesn’t constitute being late and Adam gives him a pardon.
When he settles down, Danny discusses his charity boxing fight with famed attorney, Robert Shapiro, who snapped in the ring and started to take the bout seriously, resulting in Danny plowing, nose first, into a Shapiro right hook. “Boom Boom” Bonaduce suffered a broken nose from the hit.

6:22 THE SHAPIRO FIGHT

Danny further discusses his fight with Robert Shapiro, who broke his nose after taking the fight seriously in the second round. Maybe it was the superstar boxers who showed up to support Shapiro, who had Mike Tyson walk him into the ring, sprinkled with the likes of Sugar Ray Leonard and Tommy “The Hitman” Hearns in the crowd. Although pounded and a little mad he was being hit by a corpse, Danny really won the fight, although they declared it a draw because it was a charity event.
Maybe it was the presence of Deaf Frat Guy in the Bonaduce corner which helped Danny pull through, after they called a truce before the start of the match.

6:52 REACTIONS FROM THE FIGHT

Danny rounds up his assessment of the fight against famed attorney Robert Shapiro and answers a call from one of the women at the bout, Valentina, who breaks down the breakdown of Bonaduce. Valentina turns out to have just converted to Judaism, which prompts Teresa to break out the Torah and tests her knowledge of her new religion, which turns out to be minimal.

7:15 TERESA READS THE NEWS

Teresa reads the news.

7:39 COMEDIAN DANA GOULD

The comedian’s comedian, Dana Gould, who was once a writer on The Simpsons, talks to Adam and the gang about his upcoming stand up shows and generally cracks the crew’s funny bones.

8:01 MORE FUN WITH DANA GOULD

Dana Gould sticks around the studio and discusses his upcoming comedy shows at the Steve Allen Theater and genereally cracks up the entire Carolla staff.

8:22 GAY WALKING REVERSAL WITH BILL THE PRE-OP BOARD-OP

The Carolla Show’s resident gay, Bill goes gay walking at the Spice Channel’s Gay Choice Awards and reverses the game by asking gay questions of straight celebrities which include Artie Lang, Will Forte, Goldberg and Tracey Morgan.

8:41 ANT, FROM CELEBRITY FIT CLUB AND LAST COMIC STANDING

The comedian and host of the greatest reality show, Celebrity Fit Club talks to Adam and the gang about the life of a gay celebrity and attempts to help Teresa with her turbulent love life.

8:58 MORE ANT, FROM CELEBRITY FIT CLUB AND LAST COMIC STANDING

Ant sticks around the studio and discusses his hatred for super-bitch Screech, “Dustin Diamond” who is attempting to ruin the show, Celebrity Fit Club and continues to coach Teresa through her dating woes.

9:24 CRAZY HAT

Adam talks about his brother in law who wear a weird type of hat which is an indication to everyone who notices of how crazy this guy really is.

9:41 TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS

Teresa recaps the day’s best stories and headlines.

9:56 WRAP UP

Adam wraps up today’s show.

Adam with Frank Vincent, Tony Soprano, Ozzie and Ray’s Movie Review and Author Dan Clark

Adam with Frank Vincent, Tony Soprano, Ozzie and Ray’s Movie Review and Author Dan Clark

6:00 ADAM’S NEW HOME AND THE TWINS’ PARTY

Teresa and Danny give the Ace Man praise and their admiration for getting the Malibu house ready for the twins Birthday Party over the weekend and speculate the elbow grease which was necessary for getting the place in such pristine condition.
Danny was running early, so he went to go get coffee for the Carolla crew, but was almost mystified with embarrassment when he realized he forgot his wallet. Thankfully, the friendly crew at Starbucks was feeling friendly and gave The Duce his coffee anyway.

6:20 DANNY BONADUCE VS. SYLESTER STALLONE
Danny went to a happening celebrity kids party over the weekend which was attended by a coupled Brittany Spears and K-Fed, Denzel Washington was dropped in the dunk tank and Danny Bonaduce ends up sparring with Sylvester Stallone in preparation for his upcoming fight with Robert Shapiro.

6:41 THE SOPRANOS FRANK VINCENT

The Sopranos’ Phil Leotardo, actor Frank Vincent calls in and discusses with Adam and the gang the bitter sweat series ending episode of The Sopranos, which aired last night and sadly parts with their most esteemed guest who’s off to get his effing shine box.
Adam talks about his assistant Jay’s super hot girlfriend who he met while working at a bar, who every so often gets invited by her boyfriend to Adam house, where she lays her sexy ass out by the pool to sunbathe, which is a total distraction to Adam.

7:08 TERESA READS THE NEWS

Teresa reads through today’s top stories and headlines.

7:35 TERESA’S BIRTHDAY DATE

Teresa’s Birthday was last Friday, and she went out on a date with the new guy she’s been seeing. Before he got to her house to pick her up, she got rid of her ex’s shoes she was leaving out side the front door, which she was using as a theft deterrent. Apparently, this was one of the greatest dates she had ever been on, but tries to check herself because she feels that she just might be letting her expectations get the better of herself and doesn’t want to hype up something that could turn out to be nothing.
Danny talks about his conversation with Adam’s dad at the twins’ party and realizes that the Ace Man’s father used to be his 6th grade reform school teacher. Adam sites that Bonaduce has a special place in the Carolla family’s heart for the simple fact that his father expressed a slight interest in The Duce.

7:56 TONY SOPRANOS MAKES A CAROLLA SHOW APPEARANCE

He’s here, from the Sopranos, Tony Soprano calls in and speculates the future of the Soprano family with Adam and the gang.

8:14 MUSIC MONDAY – FUNERAL SONGS

Adam and the gang review and mull over the best and worst songs to play at a funeral, which gives cue to Bonaduce speculating his upcoming, untimely death.

8:35 MORE MUSIC MONDAY – FUNERAL SONGS

Adam, Danny and Teresa further share and compare the best and worst funeral songs. Included:
Adam – Good
And When I die – Blood, Sweat and Tears (’69, Didn’t Chart)
You R Loved – Victoria Williams (’94, Didn’t Chart)
Waltz of the Flowers – Tchaikovsky (1891)
Blue – The Jayhawks ( ’95, Never charted)

Bad

Chop Suey – System of a Down (’01, #1)
Oh Yeah – Yello (’85, Didn’t chart)
Price is Right Theme (’72)
Maneater – Hall and Oates (’82, #1)

Teresa

Good – Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye … Steam
Bad – Don’t Cry Out Loud … Melissa Manchester
Good – And She Was … Talking Heads
Bad – I’m on Fire … Bruce Springsteen

Danny

Good: Only the Good Die Young – Billy Joel (’77, #24)
Bad: Glad to see you go – Ramones (’77, Didn’t Chart)
Good: People Who Died – The Snakehandlers (original by Jim Carroll) (’01, Didn’t Chart)
Bad: Another One bites the Dust – Queen (’80, #1)

9:02 OZZIE’S MOVIE REVIEW WITH RAY

Adam’s good buddies Ozzie and Ray review and give critique of the new movie, “Ocean’s 13.”

9:24 TERESA RECAPS THE NEWS

Teresa recaps today’s top stories and headlines.

9:42 DAN CLARK, AUTHOR OF CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL

The author of “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” Dan Clark drops by the studio and talks about his uplifting revolution provided by his self help books.

9:56 WRAP UP

Adam wraps up today’s show.