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6:01 AM – WHO THE F. SELLS THIS S.?
In “Who the F. Sells This S.?” Adam calls the losers who have the most ridiculous items up for sale on Craig’s List: Custom key chain Lottery scratcher, everyone needs one of those! Barely legal porn magazines for a mere nickel a piece, now that’s a deal!
6:28 AM – WHO THE F. SELLS THIS S.? CONTINUES
Adam continues to call the tards who have the stupidest items up for sale on Craig’s List.
6:45 AM – ROBERT SMIGEL CALLS INTO THE STUDIO
Writer, Robert Smigel calls into the studio. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan is Robert’s latest project and is being “heralded as Adam Sandler’s greatest hit!” Watch the trailer here and check out the reviews too!
Robert writes for the television show, TV Funhouse which airs on Comedy Central, Adam loves this show!! Adam asks how the hell does he get away with parodying Disney characters? Very carefully, he says!
7:05 AM – PERSONAL TALK ABOUT THE TWINS
Adam talks about his little kiddies; Natalia and Sonny were scheduled to be delivered by cesarean on 6/6/06, however Adam didn’t think that was the most auspicious birthday, wonder why? Adam says if he had to “choose to have them born on the day of the beast or the following Wednesday”, he’ll opt for the latter.
Adam compares his kidlets; Sonny is “a little wuss!” and Natalia is the crazy one who yells at him in Spanish and only comes up to him when she wants to be tossed around up in the air! “Natalia is a wiry pain in the ass, and Sonny is a big bowl of queso!” They are so vastly different, how can this be? They come from the same damn place!
7:47 AM – T AND B DISAGREE
As we all know Adam has very strong opinions and cannot wrap his mind around people disagreeing with him. In this segment of “T and B Disagree”, Teresa and Bald Brian finally come clean and tell Adam what they really think on various issues! Teresa is nervous when telling Adam she does in fact like passion fruit ice tea, OMFG! Adam says he “feels stabbed in the back”. BB comes clean and tells Adam he thinks it is so lame that Adam painted his black wallet red, “it is so old manish.”
8:06 AM – TERESA WALKS DOWN MEMORY LANE
Teresa takes a walk down memory lane and relays a particularly painful part of her miserable childhood. Teresa was bullied in elementary school by these little bitches who tormented her daily, Teresa still has major issues because of it people! Teresa therefore at the age of ten felt the need to write her own will and testament and reads it to the gang as they cannot help but laugh at her!
8:25 AM -JULES ASNER IS IN THE STUDIO
Super sexy and sweet, Jules Asner is in the studio. Jules is pissed at Adam for ripping on her husbands movie Ocean’s 13, bastard! Adam called it an “abortion of a film” which really riled her up! Steven Soderbergh, her honey, told her to tell Adam he takes all the blame for the lame movie and says it was “all his fault!” Adam says the only reason he came down so hard on the film is because he considers Steven a “phenom”.
Jules is the author of the novel Whacked which is available for sale now!
8:46 AM – BLAH, BLAH, BLOG
The gang play a spirited round of “Blah, Blog, Blog”; celebrity online blogs are read as the gang try to guess the celebrity blowhard who wrote them.
9:07 AM – ADAM’S FRIEND THE WEEZ IS IN THE STUDIO
Adam’s childhood buddy The Weez is in the studio. Chris, a buddy of theirs from high school calls in to share in the memories. Adam laughs as he tells a story about Chris; he wore braces for eight long years and finally after they were removed he was knocked in the mouth with a baseball bat, and then right back on they went! Adam loves this story, Chris not so much!
Adam and The Weez relay a story about the time they were roomies and The Weez brought back a gal to their pad for a little lovin, the next day The Weez told him he never even lifted her top off!! WTF?! Adam became incensed!! That night Adam had to stand out in the pouring rain, he threw up in the bathtub and this douche never even took her top off?! Adam says he was seriously so outraged because this gal had the biggest god damn breasts, WTF was he thinking?
8:43 AM – THE WEEZ CONTINUES TO HANG OUT
Adam’s first roommate and fellow futon sharer, The Weez continues to hang out. More memories are shared: The Weez would get “totally high out of his mind” and bring back random “flousies and pot heads” to their pad and make a total mess which drove Adam absolutely crazy! Finally when Adam could no longer stand it he made his roomies uphold a Clean or Leave Policy. The Weezer says they nicknamed Adam Old Man Walt.
Adam plays a tape of his earliest attempts at comedy.
9:42 AM – HOW SAY YOU?
Mike calls in to tell Adam he received a ticket for not wearing his seat belt. Adam talks about the Click it or Ticket campaign which he thinks is so lame. Adam says he always wears his seat belt, has always worn his seat belt and so do many others! Are there really that many people who don’t wear them anymore, give me a break! Can’t Villaretardo find something better to waste his time on?!
Mahalo!
